LosinginLove Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 My Fiancé and I have been together for 9yrs. We were planning to be married June 2013. 3wks ago our relationship did a complete 180. Lately, I had been feeling emotionally disconnected from my Fiancé and when I approached him about my feelings it turned into an argument. From his point of view, the relationship isn't going how he wants it to go. He basically said that if I'm unhappy and he's unhappy why should we be together? I told him that whatever is going on btw us we can work on. I asked him if he thought we could work on our problems and he said he didn't think so. Then I asked him what that meant. Did he want to leave the relationship? He said he thinks so but doesn't know if he's making the right decision. He then said he needed space and left our home to stay with his parents. Here's why he's unhappy. 1.) He said that I make him feel like he's not good enough for me. 2.) He said that I force him to choose me over his family. 3.) He said that I don't trust him and he's upset that I don't trust him because I should. Now that he's gone and I've had time to reflect on our relationship I understand why he feels the way he does. His points are, to an extent, valid. I admit to doing the above mentioned things but I never once thought abt how my actions wld make him feel. I've been a bit selfish in the relationship and have thought most abt my needs/wants instead of his. I've done some serious self evaluation over the past 3wks and I realize that I could have done things differently in the past but the past is the past. I can't change it. I can only make the future different. I know what I have to do to make our relationship work but I think he has already given up. We've had minor contact over the past 3wks (a few brief, very casual phone conversations and a few txts). I haven't seen him since he left because I'm trying to respect his boundaries and give him the space he asked for. When I spoke to him a wk ago he said he still doesn't know what his intentions are so presumably, he needs more time. I just don't like living in limbo like this. I feel as if my life is on hold until he decides if he's willing to work it out or not. I need to know though if it's over or not. Our wedding has been put on hold and if he's thinking about leaving I need to know so I can deal with the wedding stuff and move on with my life. I'm just so confused. Please, any advice.
Sav Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 From what I see, you want to work it out. Then show it to him. Try doing stuff instead of just saying. Now in those 3 points you mentioned. Point 2 and 3 are pretty much a deal-breaker for me. Show him you're willing to work it out. Suggest to go counseling together to deal on your trust issues. What have you been doing these past 3 weeks? Do not spend the time moping around. The relationship is not dead yet. Work on the problems, do not put your life on hold. Show him the new you when he comes back. It wont guarantee him coming back to you but it's the best shot you have in my opinion. Goodluck there all is not lost
Author LosinginLove Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 Yes. I do want to work it out. I have been in love with this man since I met him 15yrs ago. We were teenagers then but I always knew he was the one I'd marry and spend my life with. I did suggest counseling and he said he doesn't want to have someone picking at his head so he's against that. For the past 3wks I've been trying to keep myself as busy as possible but thoughts of him and our situation often creep up on me.
Sav Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Keep yourself busy = trying to forget him. You want to work this out so you need to take a different approach. Go to some classes to enrich yourself, improve on yourself in the time that he is away. SHOW him that you have changed and that you're willing to work towards a future together. He didnt mention about falling out of love so I still think you got a shot. But be prepared, not everyone can forgive easily. I know most can't.
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