Butterflying Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 (edited) I've had two committed relationships in my lifetime that failed primarily because the men were dishonest, cheated on me (I had proof). Recently I noticed both guys kept a string of female friends. Most of those friends were ex-girlfriends. Years later, I wonder why (since these men told me they always remain friends with ex's) why neither guy remained friends with me after the break up. They might send an email or text once a year just to see if I'm still single. But they don't call & text every day, invite me to hang out the way they did with their ex's while dating me. These guys are treating me "right now" the way I wanted them to treat their ex's. So I wonder since its possible for these guys to abandon me now that we're not dating, why didn't they abandon their other ex's this way? Edited September 16, 2012 by Butterflying
FitChick Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 It's possible those women dumped him. Women like to remain friends with guys they are not that into. He keeps them as friends hoping he will get lucky. He dumped you because he wasn't interested. Of course, I am not a guy so could be totally wrong. 1
SmileFace Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Why would this even matter? How much good actually comes from being a friend with an ex? I can't see how this will matter for more than an ego boost.
NoMoreJerks Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 It's possible those women dumped him. Women like to remain friends with guys they are not that into. He keeps them as friends hoping he will get lucky. He dumped you because he wasn't interested. Of course, I am not a guy so could be totally wrong. ^ what she said.
The Way I Am Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Did you really want to stay friends with guys who cheated on you? Seem like you'd be better off without "friends" like that. There are a few reasons I can think of. More than one could apply at the same time. The other girls made an effort to keep in contact and maintain a friendship with the guys and you didn't.There was no animosity during their breakups like there was with yours.The ex girlfriends left sex on the table, and these shady dudes who are willing to cheat on their current girlfriends like to have those girls around for sex and ego boosts. 2
iris219 Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Was your relationship more serious than the relationships these men had with the other women? It's hard to just be friends with someone you cared deeply for. Even though these men didn't treat you well, they may have had strong feelings which prevent them from remaining friendly with you. They may feel some guilt about cheating on a girl they loved as well.
Author Butterflying Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 They cheated on you and you still want to keep in touch with them? What does that say about your self esteem and your dignity ? Would you ever consider giving a nice guy a chance ? I didnt think so or are you hell bent on being used as a doormat your entire llfe. I initiated the breakups. And neither was harsh. In fact I invited both guys to remain friends with me. They had some good qualities beyond sex, otherwise I never would have dated them. It bothers me because in both cases, the guys haven't accepted my offer to be friends. I can text. They don't text back until months later. This discourages me from reaching out to them at all. When I asked one guy why he is so distant, he said he had a girlfriend now. So I was like cool. I'd love to meet her. Then he said "No way." He doesn't want her to know about me. It's confusing because this seems like he doesn't consider me a friend at all. He said, "You're not my friend. You're my ex." I asked why I'm different than other ex's. He said it's different because those ex's are friends. I'm confused.
Million.to.1 Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 it could be a time factor. sometimes a few years goes by before friendship is found again and usually its because of a random event where you re-connect. who cares anyway? they sound like douche-bags if they treat you like that. double -standards, hypocrisy. we can't ever understand why some people treat us a certain way and not others that way too. It could be any reason, but i doubt the truth would be something you'd want to know anyway.
The Way I Am Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 They had some good qualities beyond sex, otherwise I never would have dated them. Are you hard up for friends or what? Do you not know any people with good qualities who haven't done a sh*tty thing like cheat on you? You had the good judgement to break up with them. So what makes you want to keep them in your life? Do you actually want them as friends or are you just seeking some kind of validation that you're as "good" as their other exes?
Author Butterflying Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 Are you hard up for friends or what? Do you not know any people with good qualities who haven't done a sh*tty thing like cheat on you? You had the good judgement to break up with them. So what makes you want to keep them in your life? Do you actually want them as friends or are you just seeking some kind of validation that you're as "good" as their other exes? These are good points & I've asked myself these questions. I did my best to ensure a friendly split. But it bothers me because they are they only guys I've ever dated that kept ex's as friends. I've never kept ex's as friends; but thought for sure if I ever did, one or both of these guys would be great for that. It makes ne think the whole concept of friends with ex's is BS. Perhaps those guys really were still intimately involved with all those female friends.
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