Snarkles Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 to break up over email if your bf never returns calls and takes days to respond to your emails?
Sav Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 How about meeting up? I think he deserves at least that
Author Snarkles Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 How about meeting up? I think he deserves at least that Well, it would probably take another week until he responded to a request to meet, and I just want it over at this point.
Sav Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 hmm..i guess there's no choice then. Although I dont recommend that way of handling, if you're sure you want it ended NOW then go for it
Calico Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 An immature end to an obviously immature relationship. It seems appropriate, so why not? 1
NoMoreJerks Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 to break up over email if your bf never returns calls and takes days to respond to your emails? Depends on why he's not returning calls and not responding to emails. is he super-busy / not connected to the internet? I doubt it, but there might be a 0.1% chance that there is a genuinely good reason why he's not returning your calls/replying to emails. If so, you owe him a face-to-face or at least a phone break-up. No texting or email. Otherwise, text or email dumping is what he deserves. That, or just completely ignoring him, since he hasn't even bothered to answer your calls/emails.
suladas Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Having been dumped by text, I was quite upset about how it was done, even on the phone would of been better, I really think I deserved in person though. Actually technically, I was dumped 3 days prior, they just ignored me until I finally asked WTF was going on, and their excuse was "I didn't want to get into a big discussion about it". There's much worse ways to do it and there's definitely better ways. In my opinion anything over like a month deserves to be in person, unless the person really deserved it like cheating, abusive, etc, then who cares how you do it. I would do texting over email. That way they get it immediately, and if you feel like going back and forth a bit, it will be over much quicker then by email. But really, if you're not talking it's probably already over to them, but still need to be said. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Having been dumped by text, I was quite upset about how it was done, even on the phone would of been better, I really think I deserved in person though. Actually technically, I was dumped 3 days prior, they just ignored me until I finally asked WTF was going on, and their excuse was "I didn't want to get into a big discussion about it". There's much worse ways to do it and there's definitely better ways. In my opinion anything over like a month deserves to be in person, unless the person really deserved it like cheating, abusive, etc, then who cares how you do it. I would do texting over email. That way they get it immediately, and if you feel like going back and forth a bit, it will be over much quicker then by email. But really, if you're not talking it's probably already over to them, but still need to be said. Yeah. I agree with this. Unless he deserves to be dumped, and it's not just because of problems in the relationship in general, dumping by text mssg is not the decent thing to do. My ex dumped me via text, when I tried calling, didn't pick up and told me he didn't want to speak. That hurt like a bitch. I felt that he should at least have had the decency to dump me via phone call (given that it was a LDR, could't have been in person unless he had been willing to wait for a few more weeks, which he apparently could not!).
suladas Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Yeah. I agree with this. Unless he deserves to be dumped, and it's not just because of problems in the relationship in general, dumping by text mssg is not the decent thing to do. My ex dumped me via text, when I tried calling, didn't pick up and told me he didn't want to speak. That hurt like a bitch. I felt that he should at least have had the decency to dump me via phone call (given that it was a LDR, could't have been in person unless he had been willing to wait for a few more weeks, which he apparently could not!). Ya it sucked. It stung even worse that it was my next door neighbor! We were both at home when she did it, so it would of took all of 5 seconds to see each other and do it. But it lasted over an hour of texting instead, so I can't say she didn't put in the effort however. I am pretty sure she just didn't have the heart to do it in person.
Author Snarkles Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 Yeah. I agree with this. Unless he deserves to be dumped, and it's not just because of problems in the relationship in general, dumping by text mssg is not the decent thing to do. My ex dumped me via text, when I tried calling, didn't pick up and told me he didn't want to speak. That hurt like a bitch. I felt that he should at least have had the decency to dump me via phone call (given that it was a LDR, could't have been in person unless he had been willing to wait for a few more weeks, which he apparently could not!). Was there strain in the relationship? Sometimes, it gets to a breaking point, and you feel like you want out right away.
NoMoreJerks Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 (edited) Was there strain in the relationship? Sometimes, it gets to a breaking point, and you feel like you want out right away. Well, there were ups and downs, for sure. BUt nothing that warranted a break-up. At least from my perspective. Because I thought we could work it out, and I wanted to work it out.The major issues from his perspective were: 1) I was expecting him to call me, and he didn't like calling me; 2) he wanted me to arrange a threesome with a random girl, and I wasn't doing it; 3) he was finding it hard to maintain a LDR (because he made no effort, not even calling me---- duh!). He was just the sort of person who didn't want to talk about things. And he kept threatening to break up with me every time he didn't get his way (and this last time was no different; in fact, i convinced him not to break up with me after he sent me the break-up text mssg, and then *I* dumped him - so I think I called his bluff.). He was either a narcissist, had commitment phobia, or I was his fallback girl. The relationship was very one-sided, with me bending over backwards to fix the problems, while he seemed to not give a ****, or to be doing his best to demand more and more and more and create more problems. Oh, and when *I* dumped him, I did it via text mssg too. After the last break-up threat he pulled on me, he had it coming. He deserved the same treatment he gave me throughout. Edited September 16, 2012 by NoMoreJerks
Author Snarkles Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 Well, there were ups and downs, for sure. BUt nothing that warranted a break-up. At least from my perspective. The major issues from his perspective were: 1) I was expecting him to call me, and he didn't like calling me; 2) he wanted me to arrange a threesome with a random girl, and I wasn't doing it; 3) he was finding it hard to maintain a LDR (because he made no effort, not even calling me---- duh!). He was just the sort of person who didn't want to talk about things. And he kept threatening to break up with me every time he didn't get his way (and this last time was no different; in fact, i convinced him not to break up with me after he sent me the break-up text mssg, and then *I* dumped him - so I think I called his bluff.). He was either a narcissist, had commitment phobia, or I was his fallback girl. The relationship was very one-sided, with me bending over backwards to fix the problems, while he seemed to not give a ****, or to be doing his best to demand more and more and more and create more problems. Umm, okay . . . at this point, I don't understand why you were even bothered when he left. Based on how you describe him, I would have fallen out of love with him in no time if I was in your place. I don't mean to be rude or presumptuous - this is just my reaction.
Author Snarkles Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 So, let me get this straight: he dumped you first, and then you got back together, and then you dumped him last?
NoMoreJerks Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Umm, okay . . . at this point, I don't understand why you were even bothered when he left. Based on how you describe him, I would have fallen out of love with him in no time if I was in your place. I don't mean to be rude or presumptuous - this is just my reaction. Because I was/am in love with him, and was blinded to it. I still love him, but now I see him for who he really is. Mainly, I guess, I miss the good times we had together.
NoMoreJerks Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 So, let me get this straight: he dumped you first, and then you got back together, and then you dumped him last? Yup -- pretty much. he sent me a text mssg, saying that he was sick of "petty mood games" (when he was the one giving me the silent treatment for days), and that this was not the sort of relationship he wanted. I was distraught and answered him back, tried to call him, said he didn't want to speak, we texted back and forth and I convinced him not to break up, in return for promising to do the stuff he wanted me to do. I then asked him if he would now pick up the phone when I called, because I wanted to talk with him. He said "not now, I'm going to the shops." This made me realize that he had crossed one boundary too many. An hour later, I sent him a text mssg saying that I refused to be thrown around like this, and that he was not the right person for me. He replied to my text by sending 2 text mssges, but I ignored them. Dumping him by text mssg was the right way to go, in this case. I couldn't/wouldn't have done it any other way, given the circumstances and his behaviour.
Author Snarkles Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 Yup -- pretty much. he sent me a text mssg, saying that he was sick of "petty mood games" (when he was the one giving me the silent treatment for days), and that this was not the sort of relationship he wanted. I was distraught and answered him back, tried to call him, said he didn't want to speak, we texted back and forth and I convinced him not to break up, in return for promising to do the stuff he wanted me to do. I then asked him if he would now pick up the phone when I called, because I wanted to talk with him. He said "not now, I'm going to the shops." This made me realize that he had crossed one boundary too many. An hour later, I sent him a text mssg saying that I refused to be thrown around like this, and that he was not the right person for me. He replied to my text by sending 2 text mssges, but I ignored them. Dumping him by text mssg was the right way to go, in this case. I couldn't/wouldn't have done it any other way, given the circumstances and his behaviour. Wow. Did this take place over a matter of hours? I get that impression. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Wow. Did this take place over a matter of hours? I get that impression. Yup. in the span of 3 hours. It was mind-blowing and traumatic. But I couldn't let him be the one to dump me, not after the ****ty way he had treated me all along.
Author Snarkles Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 Yup. in the span of 3 hours. It was mind-blowing and traumatic. But I couldn't let him be the one to dump me, not after the ****ty way he had treated me all along. I agree with you: your way of handling the situation was very fitting. 1
Author Snarkles Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 What if a person was already doing the fadeout on his partner? Would he find it so traumatic/disrespectful if she went ahead and broke up with him via text or email?
NoMoreJerks Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 (edited) What if a person was already doing the fadeout on his partner? Would he find it so traumatic/disrespectful if she went ahead and broke up with him via text or email? No, I don't think so. I think it depends on the dumpee's behavior. If their behaviour indicates lack of interest in the relationship, or disrespect, in other words, if they "had it coming" or seemed to be expecting it, or seemed to even WANT it but didn't have the proverbial balls to do it themselves, then yes, text mssg breakup is a good way to go , IMO. I don't like the idea of email break-ups. I kept my break-up mssg short and sweet, because I didn't want back-and-forths, nor did I feel the need to write lengthy explanations as to why I did what I did, because I feel like he should've realized by now that he had it coming... and if he hadn't... he didn't deserve a more detailed explanation anyway. Edited September 16, 2012 by NoMoreJerks 1
Author Snarkles Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 So, anyone else have experiences with text/email break ups to share? On an unrelated note, I just googled my username out of curiosity and nearly gagged when I saw what it meant. Lesson learned: always double check on the internet if a nonsense word you thought you made up already exists and means something foul to boot. 1
TopCat22 Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 If the other party won't talk or arrange to meet then I think it is OK. Ideally you'd want to do it face-to-face but if they won't give you the opportunity then I don't see what choice you have. My ex pretty much made me break up with her. She wouldn't talk or meet and I needed to end things so I rang her and sadly had to leave a voice message (I did explain I'd wanted face-to-face). She didn't respond so I also sent an email explaining everything. It wasn't how I wanted to do things but I couldn't be stuck in limbo until she was ready to face me. You have to do what is best for you and if that means ending things by text or email then sadly that is what you have to do.
Sav Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 I broke up with my first serious gf via a text message. 2 years later, I apologized to her for being such a wimpy d*ck at that point of time. And I properly gave her my reasons for doing such a thing. My current ex broke up with me face to face. It was hard. Honestly, I would prefer a text message as she wouldnt see my crying side. But then again, it's all about the respect. I appreciate her having the guts to do it face to face although she caught me when I needed her the most, which makes me kinda hate her now. So I think break ups should be done face to face. It is out of respect for the relationship and the very special bond that two people once shared. Idk, but it's what I think should happen. If I had the chance to go back in time, I would defo break up with my first gf face to face because she deserves to be shown the proper respect for everything she has done, good or bad.
Author Snarkles Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 I broke up with my first serious gf via a text message. 2 years later, I apologized to her for being such a wimpy d*ck at that point of time. And I properly gave her my reasons for doing such a thing. How did she react - both to the initial breakup, then the following explanation?
Author Snarkles Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 My ex pretty much made me break up with her. She wouldn't talk or meet and I needed to end things so I rang her and sadly had to leave a voice message (I did explain I'd wanted face-to-face). She didn't respond so I also sent an email explaining everything. It wasn't how I wanted to do things but I couldn't be stuck in limbo until she was ready to face me. You have to do what is best for you and if that means ending things by text or email then sadly that is what you have to do. Did she ever get back to you?
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