MissBee Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 I have to admit that I could not be bothered to read the article (after I read the first response to the article) however, I feel compelled to comment that not all affairs are the same. It is possible that it was a sexual affair. Just because your affair was emotional does not mean that all affairs will be. All relationships are not the same. I agree. I read it as: this is this woman's blog. She is not claiming to be an expert on As but it touched her life and these are HER words of advice or musings about it. Take it or leave it...of course most current OW won't take it. Which is fine too. Likewise if an OW posted some blog about her glorious A and how love-filled it was as a message to BSs most would also not take it! I'm sure though many OW would have no issues with it. Such is the nature of the beast. We all gravitate to that which affirms and confirms what we believe. For that woman and her husband maybe all she describes is true...for some others maybe not. It's human nature that most current OW are going to want to read things that are in favor of how they feel/see their relationship and likewise BS's as well.
KathyM Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 So, you want to engage in an emotional affair with him then? You know, I'm one of the most outspoken people here about how not all situations are the same, but seriously? You have to ask this? It can cause pain to everyone, it isn't like the 5 second rule for food you know (which is also false) Maybe they don't have years of history built up behind them but being married is being married. If you're willing to do it at least be honest with yourself about it. Wikipedia is a very unreliable source. Information can be changed at will and therefore should not be used as a definitive source. I personally think, (and my opinion is as credible as any wikipedia article) that nearly all people placed in the right situation, with the right individual, will cheat. I'd put it at about 90%. Of course, I think the same number of people are also capable of murder or just about any other thing that people might feel is wrong provided the exact circumstances were to present themselves. It doesn't absolve anyone of the responsibility for it, and I'm not saying that many of these people will ever be in those situations, but I do think that given certain circumstances, everyone is capable of it. It's just easier to think that they won't. You don't get to define a family Tara. Is a childless couple who have been married 30 years who live in a rented apartment not a family? Yes, this guy sounds like a jerk, (which begs the question why do you want him?) but you don't get to say that because he's only been there for a year that their life isn't valid. That's just being delusional. Wikipedia itself is not always reliable, but the articles cited therein have value and merit in this case, which is what I was going by. I also posted another source showing 50% of all divorces are caused by infidelity.
eleanorrigby Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Here's another article that specifies studies showing 50% of all divorces are caused by infidelity. Divorce statistics - Typical Divorce Do you ladies really want to be the cause of a break up in a marriage/family? Life is too short to waste it on a man who doesn't deserve your attention. Save it for someone who is worthy. Anyone who would cheat on his wife is not worth your time. That was an interesting read. According to those stats, I should be divorced already. lol
eleanorrigby Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 I also agree that the wayward husband who posted on her blog, saying his own A was for emotional closeness and not sex was interesting. His comments link to his own blog where he explained why he chose to stay with his W, which is also an interesting read as it is him as a former MM speaking directly to OW as a MM who was not just looking for sex and felt he loved the OW: Why Cheaters Go Back to Their Wives « And you may ask yourself… well, how did I get here? And I agree the title of this thread seems like a jab at BW and maybe is a sign of cutedragon's own pain. I'm enjoying reading this mans blog, glad you mentioned checking out the comments.
thomasb Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 Wow. The articles are both very truthful. And as a once MM who had an affair, I can attest to the article from the mans point of view as being completely factual.
Recovering_Wayward Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 I agree the blog writer is hurting and dealing with the immediate aftermath of her H's affair - in that, the writings may be more appropriate for BW than for OW, but anyone might be interested in understanding the BW pain better and the steps one goes through to process that. However, her own WH's affair might very well have been about sex. That is certainly the case for some affairs. I also agree that the wayward husband who posted on her blog, saying his own A was for emotional closeness and not sex was interesting. His comments link to his own blog where he explained why he chose to stay with his W, which is also an interesting read as it is him as a former MM speaking directly to OW as a MM who was not just looking for sex and felt he loved the OW: Why Cheaters Go Back to Their Wives « And you may ask yourself… well, how did I get here? And I agree the title of this thread seems like a jab at BW and maybe is a sign of cutedragon's own pain. From clicks from here, I found out about this thread. That's my blog you are talking about. You're a reader? cool. Glad to have you. Hope I don't get too slammed at this forum! anyway, if anyone is interested, my blog is found at And you may ask yourself… well, how did I get here?
Radagast Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 As a former unfaithful spouse, I could not relate to either blog at all. Which I guess just goes to show how very different all affairs are. 1
Recovering_Wayward Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 yup, it's very difficult to make generalizations on affairs or those who've cheated, despite the numerous attempts by many to do so
woinlove Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 From clicks from here, I found out about this thread. That's my blog you are talking about. You're a reader? cool. Glad to have you. Hope I don't get too slammed at this forum! anyway, if anyone is interested, my blog is found at And you may ask yourself… well, how did I get here? Welcome to LS. Lots of opinions here, but on infidelity, the main slamming seems to be back and forth between those who have been betrayed and those who feel they are doing or did nothing wrong by being involved in an A. Many people from all 3 sides of the triangle see the deception involved in secret affairs as a poor choice, and one which often inflicts much pain (on any or all of the 3, sometimes children and others too). But, whatever your perspective, whether you want to just focus on the "fun" part of an affair, or take a broader view, you can do that on LS. 2
Recovering_Wayward Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Welcome to LS. Lots of opinions here, but on infidelity, the main slamming seems to be back and forth between those who have been betrayed and those who feel they are doing or did nothing wrong by being involved in an A. Many people from all 3 sides of the triangle see the deception involved in secret affairs as a poor choice, and one which often inflicts much pain (on any or all of the 3, sometimes children and others too). But, whatever your perspective, whether you want to just focus on the "fun" part of an affair, or take a broader view, you can do that on LS. I will be careful. Thanks for the warning! And by the way, I certainly had reasons for what I did (deficits within my marriage and deficits within myself), but I have no excuse for it. What I did was 100% wrong. My marriage is recovering well, considering.
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