youngnlove89 Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 It is over. I went to his house and we talked about everything. I could tell you all what he said, what I said, what actions he made, what actions I made, but really it's all irrelevant now. He is indifferent, I saw it, I felt it. He really is over me. It was very clear that he does NOT want to be with me that way. And that is okay. I appreciate his honesty more than anything. He was very mature and nice about it and I said my peace too. I told him why I kept sticking around because of all the mixed signals. It was a really honest conversation. It went well. He apologized for all the mixed signals, he said it wasn't his intention to hurt me. But it did hurt. We hugged goodbye and then I drove away. My heart breaks. I have accepted that it is over. I have. But now that pain, the grief, is here. I am in the mourning phase now. The acceptance phase was a large one, that took me about 3 months to accept that it is over, really over. I tried to call my family and friends tonight so I wouldn't have to be alone. But they are all busy and here I am...on LS... Walking away isn’t the hardest part. The most difficult thing to do, is telling yourself that you can’t look back and now you have to move on.
Balzac Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 So sorry, bitter tears will be shed. The walking away as you said is not the hiccup. Blast away here. Vent and gnash if you need to. In the first hours emotions cycle rapidly.
Author youngnlove89 Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 Thanks. I just wish I could get past it now. I haven't eaten all day!! I am tired, but I can't sleep. I am sad, but I can't cry. I just am frustrated. and hungry.
Balzac Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Yup and yup. Shock has you by the brain. This is pure misery. At the very least he was honest, finally.
Author youngnlove89 Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 What happened to not caring? See, that is where I am stumped. I feel like I don't care. Like I know he is gone and we aren't ever getting back together. I can accept that. But now I am lonely. I miss having someone to talk to, cuddle with, hang out with, etc. I miss that. I miss him as a best friend. I'm really lost and confused because I know this is best for me, but I still feel lonely and sad. But I know he didn't make me happy. I know he wasn't good for me. I know we couldn't have worked out. But rejection hurts. To see him look me in the eye and tell me I am not the one and how he was so indifferent about it, hurt. Here I am sad and lonely and he is probably not having a care in the world right now. That is what makes me sad. That I wasn't good enough.
NoMoreJerks Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 So sorry to hear that, OP. I know the feeling of being lonely and seeking out friends and family only to realize that they are busy. In that respect, I am so grateful that LS is there, as it has been my major coping mechanism these past few days since my break-up. I hope you will feel better.
Author youngnlove89 Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 I realized why it hasn't ever emotionally hit me that it was over. Because I hadn't accepted it yet. I was in denial. I was in shock. It's 5:45 in the morning. I woke up several different times last night and my thoughts were all of him. I woke up with that ache in my heart because I know it is over. All the threads that I had on here before, I never felt this ache. I was still in that mode that he was coming back, that we were going to eventually get back together. But now I know that is for sure that we aren't. And it kills me. I dreamt last night that he died. That he was in a plan crash and died. I remember waking up and it really felt like he died, in a way he did. I feel the sadness as if I am mourning a death. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I hate this feeling.
KatZee Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 I realized why it hasn't ever emotionally hit me that it was over. Because I hadn't accepted it yet. I was in denial. I was in shock. It's 5:45 in the morning. I woke up several different times last night and my thoughts were all of him. I woke up with that ache in my heart because I know it is over. All the threads that I had on here before, I never felt this ache. I was still in that mode that he was coming back, that we were going to eventually get back together. But now I know that is for sure that we aren't. And it kills me. I dreamt last night that he died. That he was in a plan crash and died. I remember waking up and it really felt like he died, in a way he did. I feel the sadness as if I am mourning a death. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I hate this feeling. It'll get worse before it gets better, but the good new is, now that you're at this place, it can only go up, it can't get any more painful than this. I think you're more lonely than anything. I think you're more co-dependent than anything and that's why it hurts so much. You need to take the focus off him, and bring it on to yourself. You need to start loving yourself, start taking care of yourself. Do things for you and only you. Don't worry about the fact that he's never coming back, you don't WANT him to come back. It's not that you're not good enough, you're just not the right girl for him, and he's not the right guy for you, DESPITE what you think. The right guy for you won't make you feel this way. I think you just want the cuddling, the companionship, and you're willing to sacrifice yourself in order to get this. This is how I know you're not ready for another relationship. Until you can be perfectly fine, and perfectly happy ALONE, you shouldn't be in a relationship. Because you'll always be searching out unhealthy ones. So grieve, and then get up and go pamper yourself. Go spend money. Get your nails done. Change your hair. Get new clothes. Take up a new interest or hobby, do something you never had the chance to do when you were with your ex. You wouldn't believe all the crap I realized I now could do now that I didn't have a boyfriend... something as stupid as laying on my couch all day on Sunday and watching an entire season of Fringe or True Blood. I did it for ME and knew that if I was with my ex, he never would have watched that with me. He never took an interest in ANYTHING I liked. As the days, and weeks go by, IF you're taking the steps to move on, you will see that every day that goes by is a day you love yourself more, and then one day you'll wonder why you ever stayed as long as you did. 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 It'll get worse before it gets better, but the good new is, now that you're at this place, it can only go up, it can't get any more painful than this. I think you're more lonely than anything. I think you're more co-dependent than anything and that's why it hurts so much. You need to take the focus off him, and bring it on to yourself. You need to start loving yourself, start taking care of yourself. Do things for you and only you. Don't worry about the fact that he's never coming back, you don't WANT him to come back. It's not that you're not good enough, you're just not the right girl for him, and he's not the right guy for you, DESPITE what you think. The right guy for you won't make you feel this way. I think you just want the cuddling, the companionship, and you're willing to sacrifice yourself in order to get this. This is how I know you're not ready for another relationship. Until you can be perfectly fine, and perfectly happy ALONE, you shouldn't be in a relationship. Because you'll always be searching out unhealthy ones. So grieve, and then get up and go pamper yourself. Go spend money. Get your nails done. Change your hair. Get new clothes. Take up a new interest or hobby, do something you never had the chance to do when you were with your ex. You wouldn't believe all the crap I realized I now could do now that I didn't have a boyfriend... something as stupid as laying on my couch all day on Sunday and watching an entire season of Fringe or True Blood. I did it for ME and knew that if I was with my ex, he never would have watched that with me. He never took an interest in ANYTHING I liked. As the days, and weeks go by, IF you're taking the steps to move on, you will see that every day that goes by is a day you love yourself more, and then one day you'll wonder why you ever stayed as long as you did. Girl you are the best! I think it's because I can relate to you. You have been where I am with Mr. Unavailable. In a way, I feel relieved because the worst part is over. I know it's over now so I know that chapter is shut. But now I just have to get over the hurt. My ex and I hardly ever did fun things together. We did here and there, but even something as simple as board games and drinks with friends was RARE. Most of our time spent together was laying around and watching dumb movies. It was rather boring. I think I lost myself in this relationship. I neglected my friends/family. I neglected myself! I gave up everything for this guy. I think that is where the hurt is coming from. I need to mend those relationships with the people who care most about me. I need to learn to love myself, pamper me, and start doing what I want! I would always drop what I was doing to be with my ex. My world revolved around him. I want to go back to school and do what I always wanted to do. I want to start a great career. I want to be single. I know I'm not ready for anything yet. I just miss the comfort of my relationship. I miss that company, the familiarity. But now I need to learn to be single and enjoy it. By the way, I watched the first show of "Fringe" and I liked it but didn't love it, but I saw so many good reviews on it. Does it get better? Have you seen "The Walking Dead" yet? Last weekend I watched the whole entire Season 2!
eleve82 Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 I feel your pain. I sort of went through the same thing, except I am still living with the fellow. The best thing to do now is just to do something to get your thoughts off him and missing the old times, whether it is watching alot of TV series or whatever. For me, it helps that I rarely ever want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me, ie I just dont believe in unrequited love. It's not so much about pride as it is about preserving your own dignity. Take care!
bubbles10 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 omg i echo your sentiments exactly! i emailed my ex a long email about how i want us to try and he wrote me back and said he thinks we need space and if it's meant to be it will be. we broke up the middle of june and have only seen eachother twice since so space my a$$! my friend saw him out with another girl so i know he's just fine and i just sit and wallow every day and pine over him, EVERYTHING reminds me of him in some way. and i just don't know how to get past this deep depression i'm in. it's like nothing in my life provides me with any joy anymore. i miss laying in his arms and all our good times every second of every day. it's been six days since he sent me that email and i went no contact and it is not getting any easier
Freshstart637 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I am on the same boat. I know it's over and accepted it. Ex has been acting distant and so different. Helps me move on knowing that she's so unstable. She suppresses emotions and is just shopping like a nut job. Probably shopping therapy. All my family and friends still there but wanting to talk less. They are probably over my breakup as well. So I have to deal with this alone. Staying up all night when I have work at 5am is not good. No one to really talk to or fill in that void. It just plain sucks, we were almost there, paid off cars, bought a house, and she has a kid. She thought it would be more fun to be single and go out without any responsibilities. Too much bad things to even get back together. Things cannot be undone anymore. Might as well start a new relationship with a new person then going back to a bad one. Bottom line when it gets tough she runs and forgets everything.
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