Coyoteloco Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Hello, so i wrote a few threads already, most of the time in the exact moment i get an emotional shock, like the on im going through right now. So this girl broke up with me after 6 years. The reasons werent really known or i wasnt really sure about what was the reason, but now i find out that the worst case scenario is going on. YES! SHE LEFT ME FOR HER COWORKER! she worked with this guy for 1 month and now she left me for him a no future douchebag. wtf?? i cant believe this, the guy is a player and this is the first guy that she likes in our 6 years relationship. She doesnt work with him anymore but they still chat through facebook i dont know if anything else happened, im pretty damn sure she left me because of this guy. Our relationship was a bit messy in that time and she started working there and she was really stressed and stuff, and before she started working there she told me everything was better than ever, then this happens. :/ im so shocked right now because i confirm this, and i cant believe it, i know for sure that she will regret this in a near future, probably when the honey moon phase wears off. I dont know anyone haves any thoughts on this? i for sure dont want to be with this girl anymore and even though i miss the good times i know they wont come back and the best for me is to move on and forget her, but i cant lie to myself i still care about her and what she does and thinks. Im on no contact. Anyone can give me their thoughts on this, we were together for 6 years we barley fighted everything was great. And now she falls for a coworker she knows for 2 months right now. She is in a trip with her family for 2 weeks so she wont see this dude for that time, but what do you guys think? she will sooner or later find out that this dude is **** and regret this or is this guy a rebound which will actually help her to move on? Are her emotions and hormones messing her up? i repeat i dont want to be with her anymore, and now that i found this out im pretty damn sure this is my final decision. Insight please.
Author Coyoteloco Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 ok so i dont really know if she is really seeing this guy. All i know is she liked his facebook profile picture, i know im an idiot for seeing that and maybe im in denail or whatever. But this **** hurts
todreaminblue Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 ok so i dont really know if she is really seeing this guy. All i know is she liked his facebook profile picture, i know im an idiot for seeing that and maybe im in denail or whatever. But this **** hurts I fidn it sad that you dont accept your feelings.You have to accept that you are hurting to heal.This took me a long time to do it and whether or not it is good that i can isolate feelings of hurt is a good thing remains to be seen..I do know i thelps in my personal relationships with others as i am able to help them.. to tell the truth when i dont accept things is when i am severely depressed.I had this recently within the last six months, previously i have had to resort to hospital stays and medication this time i relied on my spirituality adn in my involvement with a compassionate and caring church.Witnessing good acts is what cheers me up .....and when i feel sadness it never lasts too long.You should try and deal with what you are feeling and then talk honestly with your girlfriend when you are not in a state of high emotions. Be calm and open to having a conversation that could be or go either way.You may not hear what you want to hear but what you do want to hear is truth.Everyone does.Whether bad or good the truth is what sets you free to just be who you are and have your feelings understood and reciprocated or discarded so you also can move on. You have to start the conversation without accusations because in all fairness you are not aware of the truth is or will be.be light not heavy handed explain your feelings and dont accuse.Use word like I feel, my heart, spin the conversation as a way fo showing how you feel or what has upset you to make you feel that way.No accusations or recriminations just honesty and a firm hand on understanding and acceptance......says me.....it is easy for me to offer advice ...it i sharder for me to implement as i hide my feelings......unless it beneficial for others to know or see......my eyes do change colour though so if people know me well enough they may just be able to work out what i am really feeling.....i am however an excellent diplomat and peace keeper......lol....most of the time sometimes i schiz out......and go crazy...... i am a mediator have been since i was little....i have major updates and overhaul work on the mechanics on showing feelings necessary though...i suuuuuuuuuuuuuck....smilin.....good luck....cheer up the sky is blue whther there are clouds there or not......deb
todreaminblue Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 All I can deduce is that she is boreeeeeeed how do you come to that conclusion?
Sav Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 6 years of relationship and if there are no true problems that caused the breakup, it can only mean one thing. She has lost feelings. Falling for some other guy so quickly would only mean she is attracted to the novelty because honestly, I don't see how 2 months would compare to 6 years. Hence my conclusion. She wants something new because the relationship is stagnant to her and she is bored
TopCat22 Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 I think Sav is probably right, however this new RS sounds like a classic rebound. However good your RS was for 6 years there was something she wasn't getting out of it anymore (She's probably not even totally sure of what) but she knew that it wasn't the same and she needed to look elsewhere. The rebond will probably tank pretty soon and then maybe she'll re-assess your RS and want to come back. Maybe not. I'd suggest going NC and try and move on. As tempting as it is to keep analysing what went wrong you're never really going to know unless she tells you and women don't seem to like doing this (usually as they think it hurts you).
Calico Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 ... but now i find out that the worst case scenario is going on. YES! SHE LEFT ME FOR HER COWORKER! I was dumped for another guy too, and she had an affair with him for several months prior to the break-up. I think by now I look at it as probably better than a "normal" breakup, because when you're left for someone else, you get all the pain upfront, the whole load at once. The advantage is that you don't have to fret about them getting with someone new (and when it happens, hurt again), so you only have to get through it once. I don't know how much that thought helps you, but for me it took away a bit of the sharpness of the experience. Not much, but it allowed me to "manage" that feeling of helplessness (and of having been replaced so swiftly) a tiny bit better.
mvc Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 we are in the exact same boat! 6 year relationship, never had a fight, she had a new job, things were fine (both admitted that) and then all of a sudden she ends it with no reasons. people question do u really want to know why, if its good enough to end a 6 year relationship i sure as hell want to know what it is. i indirectly asked my ex if she was seeing someone to which she responded "no im not a bad person" but like one of the other replies said id probly rather if she had as that puts the healing process in fast forward. my current emotion is i hope she comes back (whether it be for relationship/friendship) and i have moved on enough to say "no thanks". my advice for you is to just hang in there, it sucks, it f***ing sucks. but really there is nothing we can do. ive tried NC but after 6 years of talking every day i only lasted a couple of weeks before sending her a txt, but hopefully now that i got that out of the way i can now go atleast a month of NC before getting the urge? i find going for a run helps, and for the first couple of weeks i kept a journal writing down all my thoughts and also the advice people have given me and that got me through those 2 weeks of NC, as soon as i stopped writing i got the urge to contact her so now im back to writing down my thoughts, im repeating the same things alot but hey it helps take it day by day, youre going to hit hurdles but the more you can get over the stronger you will be
Mint Sauce Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Coyote, I can very much relate to your story (6yrs, left for a coworker, but not a total douchebag as he was also a friend of ours). In any case: I think you deserve to know from her directly whether she's seeing this guy. Even post-RS, you should still be honest with each other. But if she is seeing him, don't spend all your time hoping she'll come back after she realizes what a tool he is. In hindsight, perhaps there were some signs of her detaching already for a few months? If that is the case, then perhaps she already moved on, and that guy is just the extra push she needed to actually leave you. That means that even if the rebound thing doesn't work, she may still not come back to you... It's good that you say now that you don't want her back, but that may change once the acute anger is gone. That may take some time tough (as I'm experiencing)
Author Coyoteloco Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 Ok if she is seeing him i wont spend any time hoping she will come back cause that will be the end of it! no matter how much regret she feels that would be the end of our relationship for my lifetime. Yes there were a few problem this year, and for some time there were this signs of her detaching, but then things got "better than ever" which were her actual words. And this was because i was making our relationship work and i told her i wanted to do more things together i wanted to be part of her life. I wanted to go out to the club with her because she seemed to enjoy going there, i was taking her to new exciting places and taking her out i was working on myself, things were great and then this happened :/ I just hope ill be strong enough to NOT take her back if she ever comes back, cause she is so not worth it. I wont forget this time when i told her i was going to give her 2 gifts, one was a necklace and the other one was something special i made that wasnt so expensive (it was a picture of us) , and she told me "okay i dont care about the second gift just give me the necklace and forget the other one" :'( and she always was so material and money was always on her mind. But i still loved her, probably because of our past and not because of how things were this year. Its hard to accept things change so much, and people changes so much and how she can go out with other guys so easly when i cant stop thinking of her when im around other girls. I also get the feeling that i should go with other girls only because she is with another guy, is this plain stupid? cause thats not what i really want, but i feel i should do it because she is doing it
Mint Sauce Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 I also get the feeling that i should go with other girls only because she is with another guy, is this plain stupid? cause thats not what i really want, but i feel i should do it because she is doing it No need for you to become a slut because she's one. If you can't stop thinking about her, it's too early. The other girls don't deserve that either. Karma will catch her at some point in her life. And on top of that, judging from that story about your 2 gifts, you may really be better off without her...
weallfalldown Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 just keep going, be strong, and you'll get there
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