ColorMe Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Very long story short; I LOVE my husband with all my heart and soul. I would climb mountains, swim oceans and more for this man and he knows this, but lately I don't feel the same in return. We've been married for 3 years, my husband and I have two beautiful boys together, 4 yo and 1 yo. He is a Sgt in the Army and we live in Germany. He recently returned from his first deployment in Afghanistan about 6 months ago. Since he's been back we have been fighting constantly, and then turning around and making up as if nothing ever happened. Most people assume he's going through PTSD, but our problems aren't centered around that kind of issue. All of the things I am voicing my disgust with (excessively watching porn, video game-comas, questionable convos with other women and LYING) aren't new issues. I've let all these things go in the past, which I feel was a mistake, but I can't anymore. I was hoping I could tell him what I have a problem with and he would fix it, but he won't. Not on his own. I'm just feeling like, 'what's the point?' I want us to be closer and have a wonderful marriage/family, but I feel him pulling away, letting these things come in between us. We've tried counseling but with him not being so honest all he did was put on a show for the counselor, like he was trying super hard or he would use the advice the counselor had for me against me... Like I was the one causing the rifts. I have asked for a divorce about 20 times in these last 6 months, but he keeps asking me to let him try to give him another chance, but I don't want to anymore. I know six months isn't a lot of time to give someone to change, but it's plenty of time to start seeing some progress and I don't see anything. If I had my way, he would get it together and fly right so we can get past all this fighting and I can stop being angry. I just don't see him doing that and that is why I want to pack my bags, grab the kids and go back to the United States. I need help making a choice... Is there more I can do or is it over and done with??
TaraMaiden Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Look to the future, with your sons learning your husband's behaviour. They're bound to, because as a male, he's their role model. So they will learn from him how to treat, view and respond to women. And if you take this - if you accept this - if you continue this - then you too will be teaching them how women behave in such circumstances. Therapy - hasn't worked. Counselling - hasn't worked. Your attempts to talk to him, plead with him and reason with him - have not worked. Now you say you have asked for divorce about 20 times in the past six months. You now need to put your money where your mouth is, because you are no longer credible to him. He has no respect for you, because he believes your entreaties are empty. You know, actually what you should do - what you want to do. What perhaps, is the final thing that needs to be done. It needs to be done. Leave, file for divorce and go home.
Balzac Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Your question itself indicates you are not capable of independent, adult decision making. With all due respect to your shared children, you communicated your marital dissatisfaction, you engaged in marital counseling, you seek "permission to leave"? Makes no common sense. Not seeing that you've sought individual therapy not consulted with an attorney nor made efforts to leave. You cannot force an adult to change.
Author ColorMe Posted September 15, 2012 Author Posted September 15, 2012 (edited) Ball sack? Fitting... No one asked for your cynicism... Edited September 15, 2012 by ColorMe Typo :)
Balzac Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Touché. This is a public forum where we each are entitled to express our opinion. Good luck to you as you work toward a positive outcome. Let me also thank you for your own personal sacrifices in support of your husband's service to our nation. I can fully support agreeing to disagree. Ad Hominem attacks are unworthy however.
William Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 I can fully support agreeing to disagree. Ad Hominem attacks are unworthy however. Moderation agrees. Let's keep it civil.
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