blue_jay_bird Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 You feel like your skin is crawling, you would do anything to get him back. Stress, anxiety. You feel you can talk him out of it, or at lest manipulate him back. BUT, the only true way, is to LET GO. How do you let go? How do you deal with need to fix? The need to bargain? Other then NC, what do you do?
Dblock10 Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 you either accept it within, or you try to get them back or hold on and see if it works out. if not then at least you tried then leaving the last option, letting go
youngnlove89 Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 We can't let go because we still think there is a chance. YOU still think there is a chance. Until you realize there is no chance of them coming back, you will continue to hold on. You need to ACCEPT that it is over and to be honest, that just takes time. There is nothing you can do to speed up the process but time will come when you finally let go. For me, I had to fight for him over and over again until I realized he is never going to love me that way. I had to be hurt repeatedly, I had to hear him tell me 1 million times that I wasn't the one for him, I had to sleep with him 100 more times to realize that he still isn't going to love me the same way I do. I had to hurt myself like this before I finally accepted it and let go. I had to make myself realize this pain is not what I want to be with. This pain is NOT love. I don't want to be in a relationship with Pain. When you finally realize you have done EVERYTHING you can possibly do and it still hasn't worked, that is when you let go. When you finally accept that it is sincerely OVER you will let go... 3
Freshstart637 Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 And then comes a lot of missing that person still after you've accepted it. Then you see faults in both sides, but you don't care as much anymore. Just feels right that the relationship had to end. Wish it was me now who did the dumping though. Hurts like hell thinking about the way my ex did me dirty, says she's going to pick up her son and never came back.
sweetheart5381 Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Yes, you let go by accepting it. You come to see things more logically than emotionally. You come to see your ex as the person they really are and you don't feel anger or sadness. You do not regret anything, in fact you rarely think of it at all when you are really over them. You see the truth of the matter, and the truth is that it's over. Chapter 2... or 12 perhaps.
Calico Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Other then NC, what do you do? There are two approaches, I guess: 1) You distract yourself whenever discomfort, pain, tingling, despair, the queasiness in the stomach (and whole body), etc. surface. Just DO something different and deliberately change what you think (you do have the power to change your thoughts, for brief times at least). 2) You do the opposite and instead of running away from the pain, you turn around and face it like you would a rabid dog that you can't outrun anyway. Dive into the pain, amplify it, taste it, feel its texture, sink deep into it. Think of yourself drifting downstream, like a leaf. Don't judge the feelings, just accept them for what they are and let them be. I feel that there is more long-term benefit in the second option. In either case, you do not contact your ex if you are ready for to NC and have decided to get better now rather than later. 2
sweetheart5381 Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 There are two approaches, I guess: 1) You distract yourself whenever discomfort, pain, tingling, despair, the queasiness in the stomach (and whole body), etc. surface. Just DO something different and deliberately change what you think (you do have the power to change your thoughts, for brief times at least). 2) You do the opposite and instead of running away from the pain, you turn around and face it like you would a rabid dog that you can't outrun anyway. Dive into the pain, amplify it, taste it, feel its texture, sink deep into it. Think of yourself drifting downstream, like a leaf. Don't judge the feelings, just accept them for what they are and let them be. I feel that there is more long-term benefit in the second option. In either case, you do not contact your ex if you are ready for to NC and have decided to get better now rather than later. I agree completely. I used number 1 til I was ready for number 2. Used them both a few times. Number 2 provides true freedom. Now, I am totally free. Completely free, w00t ! Took a few times but I learned lots too!
youngnlove89 Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Yea, even after you accept it, it will be hard. My heart aches as of now. But I no longer will try to contact him. It is unnecessary and just prolongs the process of moving on. I miss him entirely right now. But I miss someone who isn't really him. I miss the company, I miss who I thought he was. Who I made him out to be. He can't give me what I want. And neither can your ex. What you miss is the memories you shared. That's it. They are gone. They aren't that person you were with anymore. We have to accept it. Even though it's cruel. But I'm sure you've been through heartbreaks before, you will get through this one just like your last one. It just takes time. And time lurks and stays around for as long as possible. Now what you do with that time, is up to you. 1
sweetheart5381 Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Yea, even after you accept it, it will be hard. My heart aches as of now. But I no longer will try to contact him. It is unnecessary and just prolongs the process of moving on. I miss him entirely right now. But I miss someone who isn't really him. I miss the company, I miss who I thought he was. Who I made him out to be. He can't give me what I want. And neither can your ex. What you miss is the memories you shared. That's it. They are gone. They aren't that person you were with anymore. We have to accept it. Even though it's cruel. But I'm sure you've been through heartbreaks before, you will get through this one just like your last one. It just takes time. And time lurks and stays around for as long as possible. Now what you do with that time, is up to you. Yep, your time is up to you. No one else. Time is short and there is a lot of living to do out there. There might be a more compatible partner out there, and there might not be but it should not inhibit your desire to live fully and to the max, whatever that max might be. Live by your own rules and standards and be respectful of others' when they accompany you on your journey.
youngnlove89 Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 You don't realize just how many things remind you of a person until they become someone you no longer wish to remember. It is hard to stop thinking of them. Because you can't. You have to go through. You have to feel every emotion because eventually it will catch up with you. "A broken heart should be visible. Something that hurts that much should not be hidden. The pain, much worse than broken bones, knife wounds, gunshots, chemotherapy, tumors or boils, should be swathed in long, white bandages. The wounded should appear on crutches or in a wheelchair for their heart. Then people would know. They would recognize the injured, they would see the damage and understand, care offer, a kind word. Love is so much like war and a relationship only one long seige, the defenses going up and down as the fortune changes the allies transfer. Couples should wear combat uniforms. The would be bright and freshly ironed in the first days of romance. Then the material would become stained, begin to fray. We would lose a button or two. Anyone looking at us would know where we were, how far we had come. Only the shiny epaulet still attatched, but somehow a symbol of hope. We would emerge victorious." We are all here together in this. You aren't the only one who hurts and for me that is something that helps me get by, knowing that I'm not alone. That's why I really think there should be a rehab for the brokenhearted. Because it would tremendously help! Just keep venting. Write down your feelings. But don't avoid them. Don't pretend. Let it all out. Grieve. Your time to heal will be different then my time to heal. No one is the same when it comes to how long it takes to accept and move on. But know that it is possible. I hate to spoil the ending for you, but one day you are going to meet this wonderful person and they are going to make you realize why it didn't work out with the rest. Everything will be okay.
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