TopCat22 Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 It's been 15 days since we spoke, about 4 1/2 weeks since the BU. She lost attraction for me after 18 months, think there may be someone else in the frame, but unsure if she has actually acted on this. Today is her friends wedding (which I was supposed to go with her to) and it's killing me that we're not together. I really want to talk to her and suggest we try again. But it's only been 15 days... is this to little? Will her head have cleared yet? Should I try and get through this and let her contact me?
Dblock10 Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 what did you last talk about? tbh no one can tell you to do anything, if you feel its the right thing to do then do it... there is no "right" time. you are in limbo so its up to you to know when and how to tip the balance before you can heal or what ever you decide to do. you dont know if she ever will contact you. life is to short so id suggest contacting her and find out where you stand. otherwise you will wait. i did, for 8 months. not worth the wait.
suladas Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 If you have told her your intentions of wanting to get back together already, i'm not sure. If you haven't, honestly I agree with the above post, try it and see what happens if you truly want her back and aren't just lonely. I'd rather try and fail, then always wondering what could of happened. Yes if you contact her and get a no, or no response it will sting for a while, but in the long run it doesn't hurt to try.
jus d'orange Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Yeah, it's too short. I know you've got some reasons that there could be a chance to get back together... but I read your first post, and it's clear that your relationship had been pretty bad for a while, and didn't exactly begin on a good note either. You need to get over this previous relationship entirely before you can consider starting a "new" one with her. Take this time to work on yourself the way you want to be, then worry about a relationship. You deserve better than what you got from her, and though it sucks to not be together, that will fade.
Author TopCat22 Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 Thanks guys. Yes, in our last convo I asked her if there was a chance for us and she said not at the moment. I didn't push it or tell her I loved her as I didn't want to appear needy and desperate (towards the end of the RS I think I paniced and showed some of those traits, so I was keen to avoid). I'm pretty sure she knows how I feel about her though. Jus, you are right. It's strange as I know this, however I find it hard to accept. I've always been a fighter and it feels strange to just "give up". Even after everything she has done, I do still believe there is a future for us. Perhaps I am too forgiving. However you are totally right, that nothing new can start without the old RS being laid to rest. I know this stuff, I think it just helps to have other folks tell me it though!
mvc Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Thanks guys. Yes, in our last convo I asked her if there was a chance for us and she said not at the moment. I didn't push it or tell her I loved her as I didn't want to appear needy and desperate (towards the end of the RS I think I paniced and showed some of those traits, so I was keen to avoid). I'm pretty sure she knows how I feel about her though. Jus, you are right. It's strange as I know this, however I find it hard to accept. I've always been a fighter and it feels strange to just "give up". Even after everything she has done, I do still believe there is a future for us. Perhaps I am too forgiving. However you are totally right, that nothing new can start without the old RS being laid to rest. I know this stuff, I think it just helps to have other folks tell me it though! i know how you feel. dont want to be thinking later on down the track why didnt you try this or that etc etc. in regards to 2 weeks of NC, i lasted 13 days of NC before sending a txt asking if we could catch up, she said she was busy. i got rejected straight up but didnt regret sending the txt. the way i see it is id rather look back saying "hey at least i tried"
Calico Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 in regards to 2 weeks of NC, i lasted 13 days of NC before sending a txt asking if we could catch up, she said she was busy. i got rejected straight up but didnt regret sending the txt. the way i see it is id rather look back saying "hey at least i tried" The "danger" of that way of thinking is that you can use it every few weeks, and that gets you really stuck. It's been almost a week since I had contact with her and it's really very tempting to "check" and see how she's feeling about me. My mind suggests this strongly, but it's just the need for another fix, so it's offered in a way that seems "sound", but isn't. If she wanted me, she's contact me.
mvc Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 The "danger" of that way of thinking is that you can use it every few weeks, and that gets you really stuck. It's been almost a week since I had contact with her and it's really very tempting to "check" and see how she's feeling about me. My mind suggests this strongly, but it's just the need for another fix, so it's offered in a way that seems "sound", but isn't. If she wanted me, she's contact me. i know what you mean and i have thought this as well. but i told myself that i would only try once to see her and talk about what happend, if that didnt work well "hey at least i tried". now im telling myself that i tried, next time its up to her and its quite likely im never going to hear from her
suladas Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 i know what you mean and i have thought this as well. but i told myself that i would only try once to see her and talk about what happend, if that didnt work well "hey at least i tried". now im telling myself that i tried, next time its up to her and its quite likely im never going to hear from her Yea that's what I did, I ended up sending a few because I though maybe I said the wrong thing but in the end you tried and it's in their hands now, I couldn't move on knowing I never tried. I went a month NC, it wasn't the urge to contact her that made it tough it was simply not knowing what she was thinking and just wanted to know, and well not knowing what was going on with her I missed that to. It took a lot not to just text asking straight out what she was thinking because I was tired of guessing, but in the end I knew that would just do much more harm then good. The thing that helped me a lot was joining a OLD and talking to new women, it's helped me get my mind off the ex a lot.
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