danny8630 Posted July 23, 2004 Posted July 23, 2004 Hey everyone. Maybe someone can answer/give me some advice... Basically, i want to know why my stomach turns to lead when my ex g/f calls me... When the number is on my C.ID, part of me thinks "ooh, shes calling thats cool" and then the other large part of me thinks "oh my god you bitch". I wish i could tell her to stop calling me totally but i would just be so depressed if i told her to stop contacting me completely. Help...anyone?
uriel Posted July 23, 2004 Posted July 23, 2004 Very normal reaction to an ex. It's the strangest thing, wanting and not wanting, loving and hating, at the same time. You've got the good feelings from what was special between you and the bad feelings from how it ended and all the junk that led up to that. Sometimes there's too much of that junk to ever get past it, however good the other feelings were. Sometimes, there's the possibility of working through it, coming to a new understanding, and going into the future together again. You need to make a clear call right now about which this situation is. If there's too much junk, tell her to stop calling. If you think there's hope, and still want there to be, then do what you can to process the junk and move forward with her. Worst option of all is to stay in limbo. That hurts anyway you cut it. -- uriel
Author danny8630 Posted July 23, 2004 Author Posted July 23, 2004 man, if i could tell her to stop calling, i would hate myself for doing it. Right now we are JUST FRIENDS, nothing else and the future is very unclear. I dont feel in the limbo, for example if she were to call me and want me back right then and there, i wouldn't say "YES!!!"....hell no, i would tell her "no, you need to show me that you want to be with me with no special terms or anything". Look, i've shown in many ways that i am there for her, and that i love her. What more do i need to do???nothing i think...as far as i know, she can take it or leave it.
unluckylady Posted July 23, 2004 Posted July 23, 2004 Danny, the best I can tell you is this: Turn off your phone/put it on mute with no vibration. Don't allow yourself to see who's calling, so you won't be tempted to answer. Return those calls to people whom you have healthy relationships with. It's a lot harder to turn down a ringing phone telling you who it is that wants to talk to you at that exact moment than to pick it up and dial...know what I mean? After awhile, after you have some distance from her, you can turn the phone back on.
Author danny8630 Posted July 24, 2004 Author Posted July 24, 2004 THAT is some good advice. I've taken some steps too; I've erased her name from my phone of all numbers(doesn't really help tho because i know the numbers anyway). Before...i would literally Dive for my phone and try to pick it up on the first ring. Now it is answered at my leisure, i'd say thats an improvement. I've been trying to purposely not answer calls. But...since im not picking my phone up when she calls/missing her calls for "X" reason, wouldn't she stop? I mean, i kind've dont want her to stop...but then again she would have NO PROBLEM not calling if i asked her to stop. That sickens me some...how can you claim to love someone and have no problem with no communication? i've realized shes anoter fake, hollow relationship; a waste of time, sadly.
mronederful Posted July 25, 2004 Posted July 25, 2004 dude! if you want to talk to her then do it. if you ignore her calls you will only wonder what she wanted. if she doesn't call you, you will wonder why not. just talk to her and see what she wants, maybe she just misses your ass or maybe she wants to be a cruel bitch, who knows.
Author danny8630 Posted July 25, 2004 Author Posted July 25, 2004 dood, i do want to talk to her and then i dont. It is 50/50 and i cant choose which one for permanent, not yet. I mean, i dont know how else i can say that a lot of me says "yah, talk to her" and then other times im like "why does she did this to me, it would probably be best to not talk to her".
unluckylady Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 Danny - wouldn't it be best to have someone calling that you ALWAYS wanted to talk to? You won't be able to find that person until you make her go away.
Author danny8630 Posted July 26, 2004 Author Posted July 26, 2004 unluckylady - That is a great point. It is difficult to simply let go because...i dont know if i love her anymore. It sounds stupid but she was my first and I at a couple points thought she was just the greatest thing that happened to me and it is only natural to like something like that. Im taking advantage of goal setting and the positive surroundings that my friends and nature bring. I am thankful for those things that are helping me heave through this. I'm trying to hang on...i feel the end of the tunnel where the light is very soon.
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