Mr Unavailable & the Fallback Girl

[KatZee]

OK--- so, this book was recommended by a fellow LS'er. I checked out the reviews on Amazon, and bought it within virtually 10 minutes of the post on LS.

 

It just came in the mail today (didn't realize this book was so long, or heavy!) And I have to say, I have NOT stopped reading it. I'm on page 97 and I had to physically force myself to close it, dog-ear it, and come on here to rave about it.

 

Please, PLEASE, PLEASE!

 

If you're going through a breakup right now, read the review on Amazon and see if this book is for you.

 

Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl: The Definitive Guide to Understanding Emotionally Unavailable Men and the Women that Love Them: Natalie Lue NML: 9781450540391: Amazon.com: Books

 

I can't even TELL YOU how dead-on this book is regarding my ex. Every single time I come to the next chapter, I've thought to myself, "Oh my God... that was him."

 

He's hit EVERY. SINGLE. check mark for being Mr Unavailable. (At least up to page 97 so far) It goes deep into the minds of these men, and how they view US!! I'm frankly shocked to learn that women who love unavailable men, are actually unavailable themselves. I really never would have thought that... and that unavailable men are actually VERY AWARE they're unavailable, and are ACUTELY aware that when we put up with them regardless, that there is a flaw with us. (And there is!--- what self respecting woman stays with a guy who's unavailable? NONE!)

 

I highly, highly, highly recommend this book to all of you. It's made me feel so powerful already, and very happy to know that the problem was NEVER me, but it was him. From day one, and the problem will always be his, and he will ALWAYS be unavailable. No woman is going to magically come and change his mind-set. He is, and will always be perpetually unavailable. <-- the book does go into great depths about this, about what types of unavailable men CAN change and those who in essence can't, and don't. My ex falls into the latter category.

 

True eye opener. If you've read this book.... what did you think?

[Sav]

nothing for the guys?

[KatZee]

nothing for the guys?

 

Well it explains the males in depth. So I'm sure if a guy was interested in changing such behavior, perhaps by going to therapy, this book would be a great start into really understand why he does what he does, and what caused it.

 

However, it does say that many Mr Unavailables actually think they're great catches, and they never see that they are at fault with anything going wrong in the relationship.

 

I thought my ex was a unique case. I couldn't have been more wrong, and had I actually been aware that there was something known as Mr Unavailable I would have ended the relationship 2 years sooner. He pulled every single stunt listed in this book... and didn't know that this is now unavailable men ALL act! Now I really know what to look out for.

[Sav]

HAHA..what about for guys that got dumped hmm..I don't think any guy could get dumped and think they're great catches. It's a huge bruise to the ego, unless he has an abnormally inflated head

[KatZee]

HAHA..what about for guys that got dumped hmm..I don't think any guy could get dumped and think they're great catches. It's a huge bruise to the ego, unless he has an abnormally inflated head

 

Also, you can change the title and call it "Ms Unavailable and the fallback guy" because unavailable people regardless of gender act the same way. The author does refer to gender rolls interchangeably in various spots, so if a guy didn't mind reading it from a women's perspective, he'd still gain the same insight into the minds of these people.

 

It also talks about the women who dump these men as well.

 

What it says about Unavailable men is that when they get dumped, they do HARDCORE chasing to get the girl back. Essentially, every aspect of the relationship needs to be on THEIR terms. Being together needs to be on their terms, and ENDING it needs to be on their terms. So when they themselves are dumped, it sends them into panic mode, he will pursue, and since the women who love unemotional men are equally as damaged, she will more than likely return under false pretenses and empty promises. Mr Unavailable then resorts back to prior behavior.

[youngnlove89]

OK--- so, this book was recommended by a fellow LS'er. I checked out the reviews on Amazon, and bought it within virtually 10 minutes of the post on LS.

 

It just came in the mail today (didn't realize this book was so long, or heavy!) And I have to say, I have NOT stopped reading it. I'm on page 97 and I had to physically force myself to close it, dog-ear it, and come on here to rave about it.

 

Please, PLEASE, PLEASE!

 

If you're going through a breakup right now, read the review on Amazon and see if this book is for you.

 

Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl: The Definitive Guide to Understanding Emotionally Unavailable Men and the Women that Love Them: Natalie Lue NML: 9781450540391: Amazon.com: Books

 

I can't even TELL YOU how dead-on this book is regarding my ex. Every single time I come to the next chapter, I've thought to myself, "Oh my God... that was him."

 

He's hit EVERY. SINGLE. check mark for being Mr Unavailable. (At least up to page 97 so far) It goes deep into the minds of these men, and how they view US!! I'm frankly shocked to learn that women who love unavailable men, are actually unavailable themselves. I really never would have thought that... and that unavailable men are actually VERY AWARE they're unavailable, and are ACUTELY aware that when we put up with them regardless, that there is a flaw with us. (And there is!--- what self respecting woman stays with a guy who's unavailable? NONE!)

 

I highly, highly, highly recommend this book to all of you. It's made me feel so powerful already, and very happy to know that the problem was NEVER me, but it was him. From day one, and the problem will always be his, and he will ALWAYS be unavailable. No woman is going to magically come and change his mind-set. He is, and will always be perpetually unavailable. <-- the book does go into great depths about this, about what types of unavailable men CAN change and those who in essence can't, and don't. My ex falls into the latter category.

 

True eye opener. If you've read this book.... what did you think?

 

 

That we are unavailable? hmm Idk because I feel like I really want a relationship.

 

I have a kindle fire and I guess I will purchase this book tonight. I need something to keep my mind occupied.

 

I finally told "Mr. Unavailable" this was it. He is coming to get his stuff tonight or tomorrow. Then I'm changing my number tomorrow.

 

It's really hard KatZee. He told me he wants me in his life, but not that way. He told me he loves me, but not that way. WHY then does he kiss me, hold me, hug me etc. Why would you do all that with someone you don't like that way?!

[Sav]

Also, you can change the title and call it "Ms Unavailable and the fallback guy" because unavailable people regardless of gender act the same way. The author does refer to gender rolls interchangeably in various spots, so if a guy didn't mind reading it from a women's perspective, he'd still gain the same insight into the minds of these people.

 

It also talks about the women who dump these men as well.

 

What it says about Unavailable men is that when they get dumped, they do HARDCORE chasing to get the girl back. Essentially, every aspect of the relationship needs to be on THEIR terms. Being together needs to be on their terms, and ENDING it needs to be on their terms. So when they themselves are dumped, it sends them into panic mode, he will pursue, and since the women who love unemotional men are equally as damaged, she will more than likely return under false pretenses and empty promises. Mr Unavailable then resorts back to prior behavior.

 

Phew, so since I dont do hardcore chasing after the dumping, I guess Im not that bad :bunny:

[KatZee]

HAHA..what about for guys that got dumped hmm..I don't think any guy could get dumped and think they're great catches. It's a huge bruise to the ego, unless he has an abnormally inflated head

 

Unavailable people have exceptionally large egos. This is why when they end the relationship, they toss out the "friend card." Unavailable men always want to have control of the relationship. Both in it, and OUT of it. That's the point of "lets be friends!"

 

From the book: "He can't keep control of you and maintain The Status Quo outside of the relationship if he doesn't have a foot in your life and is unsure of your interest. He's all about HIS comfort zone, so aside from having a comfort zone for when you're involved, he equally has one for when you're no longer together.

 

From pushing the friend card... he's devised a number of means to attempt to maintain control even when the relationship is over. he can't commit, whether it's to being with you, or leaving you the hell alone, so he's ensuring that you're an option should he change his mind or have use for you, while feeding his ego with the security of what he perceives as your affections for him."

 

I personally would like to call out to fellow LS member YOUNGNLOVE89.

 

This is why your ex, WILL NOT LEAVE YOU ALONE.

 

You continuously feed his ego by having sex with him, talking to him, etc. Everything you do by sticking around only VALIDATES HIM and enables his Mr Unavailable behavior. Because you're still sticking around, he thinks, "Hm, maybe I'm not quite such a bad guy after all..."

 

From the book: "When he suggests that you should be friends or comes back dangling the friend card, when he's trying to squeeze his way into your life on lesser terms, its because if you won't give him the time of day, let alone your friendship, aside from the fact that it will be very tricky for him to keep a foot in your life, you not being his friend communicates that he might not be as wonderful or innocent as he believes.

 

There is a universal belief that if someone is still prepared to be your friend after you've broken up, it means you're a good person. Securing friendship and respect, even if its undeserved, becomes of paramount importance. What he's failed to realize is that these are things that are earned and if he's that bloody concerned with being perceived as hurting or wronging someone, it's about time he sought for his actions to REFLECT THIS."

[KatZee]

That we are unavailable? hmm Idk because I feel like I really want a relationship.

 

^^^ If you read the book and dig deep, I think you'll find you yourself are also semi unavailable, and it doesn't mean unavailable in the way you're thinking it, or unavailable in the way he's acting.

 

 

I mentioned you in my previous post. Please get this book. You will get all the answers to the questions you just asked.

 

Cut if off. And cut it off now. You are doing NOTHING BUT VALIDATING his bad behavior. You're not showing him you're super amazing. You're allowing him to pass time with you until he moves on to the next.

 

What you have going on with him WILL NEVER GO ANYWHERE. Believe me.

[youngnlove89]

^^^ If you read the book and dig deep, I think you'll find you yourself are also semi unavailable, and it doesn't mean unavailable in the way you're thinking it, or unavailable in the way he's acting.

 

 

I mentioned you in my previous post. Please get this book. You will get all the answers to the questions you just asked.

 

Cut if off. And cut it off now. You are doing NOTHING BUT VALIDATING his bad behavior. You're not showing him you're super amazing. You're allowing him to pass time with you until he moves on to the next.

 

What you have going on with him WILL NEVER GO ANYWHERE. Believe me.

 

I just bought the book and I'm going to get some wine and read it.

 

I had a weak moment this morning and I told him I want to see him this weekend and he can get his things at my house.

 

He said that he doesn't think we should have sex, although he said he really wants to but wouldn't be good for us to keep this up.

 

That's when I knew it was over. I'm mentally exhausted from trying to make this work. It's never going to. I have given everything I have and it still wasn't enough. It's downgrading.

 

I'm sad and I miss him. But I know that changing my number will be best because I won't have to wait for him to text/call because he won't be able to.

 

I'm ready. Now I just want him to get his stuff and get it over with. I put his things in my car because he knows the code to get in and I told him that's where his stuff his and he doesn't need to see me.

 

I don't know if he got his things yet and I'm scared to go check the car.

[KatZee]

Good for you YoungnLove. I'm proud of you. FINALLY! you're doing it. After following your threads from the beginning, I know you will thoroughly enjoy this book, find it enlightening, and at times, find it very, very sad. You'll most likely start feeling pretty crappy about yourself for tolerating this for so long, but that's the point. It's time to start looking deep into yourself, and understanding why you chose, and then chose to REMAIN with someone who was unavailable.

 

Check the car tomorrow. Start the book now.

[youngnlove89]

Good for you YoungnLove. I'm proud of you. FINALLY! you're doing it. After following your threads from the beginning, I know you will thoroughly enjoy this book, find it enlightening, and at times, find it very, very sad. You'll most likely start feeling pretty crappy about yourself for tolerating this for so long, but that's the point. It's time to start looking deep into yourself, and understanding why you chose, and then chose to REMAIN with someone who was unavailable.

 

Check the car tomorrow. Start the book now.

 

YES Ma'am!

 

How are you doing? So this book helped you? Do you think it will help you for your future relationships?

[KatZee]

YES Ma'am!

 

How are you doing? So this book helped you? Do you think it will help you for your future relationships?

 

I've moved on from the ex. Every day is a good day for me, and it's been that way for a while. I merely got this book because I wanted to really get inside the mind of an unavailable man and I wanted to look into why i stayed. It's a real eye opener. It hasn't help me as so much informed me, and I think this book will help ANYONE looking to date, and get into a healthy, mutually respectful relationship. It shows you all the red flags to look for, and I personally find it to be extremely empowering.

 

I'm also looking into buying these:

 

Power Thought Cards (Beautiful Card Deck): Louise Hay: 9781561706129: Amazon.com: Books

 

If you click the thumbnail you can get a sample of what these cards say. Basically you shuffle and pick one a day, and use it as your inspiration, and motivation to be strong, stay strong and always move forward with positivity and love for yourself.

[KatZee]

YES Ma'am!

 

How are you doing? So this book helped you? Do you think it will help you for your future relationships?

 

Page 180 is where it all starts for you!!!

[NoMoreJerks]

Unavailable people have exceptionally large egos. This is why when they end the relationship, they toss out the "friend card." Unavailable men always want to have control of the relationship. Both in it, and OUT of it. That's the point of "lets be friends!"

 

From the book: "He can't keep control of you and maintain The Status Quo outside of the relationship if he doesn't have a foot in your life and is unsure of your interest. He's all about HIS comfort zone, so aside from having a comfort zone for when you're involved, he equally has one for when you're no longer together.

 

From pushing the friend card... he's devised a number of means to attempt to maintain control even when the relationship is over. he can't commit, whether it's to being with you, or leaving you the hell alone, so he's ensuring that you're an option should he change his mind or have use for you, while feeding his ego with the security of what he perceives as your affections for him."

 

I personally would like to call out to fellow LS member YOUNGNLOVE89.

 

This is why your ex, WILL NOT LEAVE YOU ALONE.

 

You continuously feed his ego by having sex with him, talking to him, etc. Everything you do by sticking around only VALIDATES HIM and enables his Mr Unavailable behavior. Because you're still sticking around, he thinks, "Hm, maybe I'm not quite such a bad guy after all..."

 

From the book: "When he suggests that you should be friends or comes back dangling the friend card, when he's trying to squeeze his way into your life on lesser terms, its because if you won't give him the time of day, let alone your friendship, aside from the fact that it will be very tricky for him to keep a foot in your life, you not being his friend communicates that he might not be as wonderful or innocent as he believes.

 

There is a universal belief that if someone is still prepared to be your friend after you've broken up, it means you're a good person. Securing friendship and respect, even if its undeserved, becomes of paramount importance. What he's failed to realize is that these are things that are earned and if he's that bloody concerned with being perceived as hurting or wronging someone, it's about time he sought for his actions to REFLECT THIS."

OMG. This is SOOOOO my ex. Holy crap.... He's been DOING the same thing with me as of yesterday....... he threw the friend card at me. He tried to end it on his own terms, and I took that power away from him, by first begging him to stay with me (because I was so distraught), then dumping his ass. You can't imagine how shocked he was that I dumped him, and kept messaging me, and telling me things like, "maybe see you around". He tried dumping me once before this, and that time, I was inexperienced and begged him not to, and he took back his "threat". But that time, too, when he made his break-up threat, he threw the "we can be friends and go for drinks" card. No, WE CANNOT BE FRIENDS, *******.

 

Mind you, he also mssged me and said that I deserved better than him, but I have a feeling he was guilt-tripping me by giving the impression that he was so sorry and that he knew it was his "fault."

Edited September 15, 2012 by NoMoreJerks

[KatZee]

OMG. This is SOOOOO my ex. Holy crap.... He's been DOING the same thing with me as of yesterday....... he threw the friend card at me. He tried to end it on his own terms, and I took that power away from him, by first begging him to stay with me (because I was so distraught), then dumping his ass. You can't imagine how shocked he was that I dumped him, and kept messaging me, and telling me things like, "maybe see you around". He tried dumping me once before this, and that time, I was inexperienced and begged him not to, and he took back his "threat". But that time, too, when he made his break-up threat, he threw the "we can be friends and go for drinks" card. No, WE CANNOT BE FRIENDS, *******.

 

Mind you, he also mssged me and said that I deserved better than him, but I have a feeling he was guilt-tripping me by giving the impression that he was so sorry and that he knew it was his "fault."

 

Yeah, I think you should invest in this book as well. Why are these people all so stupid lol

[Woggle]

Deep down women who chase unavailable men don't really want a relationships or else they would find somebody available.

[JustALittleBit]

Can you elaborate on all this a bit please? What do they mean by an unavailable man? And what are the signs of this to look out for?

 

My ex avoided emotional intimacy/building a real relationship. He had a serious one before that though. I'm not sure if he was "unavailable" in the sense of what is meant here (ie. permanently) or just with me because I was perhaps a rebound?

[KatZee]

Deep down women who chase unavailable men don't really want a relationships or else they would find somebody available.

 

Incorrect.

 

This is not what the unavailable woman means within the context of this book. It doesn't mean she doesn't want a relationship. She very much does want one. But due to low self-esteem, she will stay with an emotionally unavailable man and will consistently avoid choosing decent partners because they're scared of what they may learn about themselves, or panic that they're not good enough. They don't believe they can forge a relationship with a healthy partner.

[KatZee]

Can you elaborate on all this a bit please? What do they mean by an unavailable man? And what are the signs of this to look out for?

 

My ex avoided emotional intimacy/building a real relationship. He had a serious one before that though. I'm not sure if he was "unavailable" in the sense of what is meant here (ie. permanently) or just with me because I was perhaps a rebound?

 

Yes, there are two types of emotional unavailability according to this author.

 

Temporary Unavailability: affects even the most emotionally healthy because when something traumatic happens, such as a breakup, a physically and/or psychologically devastating experience, or we lose a loved one to death, we close up as a natural defense mechanism because we're afraid of being vulnerable and trusting. We live to love and trust again. To be considered 'temporary' the period of emotional unavailability should not last more than two years and typically should involve only 1-2 relationships or a number of flings.

 

Habitual Unavailability: means this is either the emotional style learned since childhood or, following a painful experience, how we felt about ourselves and relationships changed and being temporarily unavailable has become a habit.

 

Unavailable in simple terms means:

 

Not ready for a relationship. "I can't give you what you want."

 

Not over an ex or their past.

 

Still grieving.

 

Half-heartedly/not interested but willing to pass time.

 

"It's me, not you."

 

Empathy issues and avoiding feelings.

 

Struggles to be truly honest due to lack of emotional honesty.

 

 

 

TYPICAL UNAVAILABLE RELATIONSHIPS:

 

'Casual' Relationships: FWB

 

Boomerang Relationships: Keeps leaving and returning, and you keep taking him back.

 

Rebound Relationships: Caught between two relationships, not over the ex, or still hurts from the fallout.

 

Affairs: self explanatory.

 

Dalliances: short term, casual flings, or whirlwind romances that fizzle out.

 

Rehabbing Relationships: those with excessive baggage particularly in the form of problems including addiction in which you try to heal and fix.

 

Long Term Struggles: some unavailable relationships can go the distance in terms of time but have all sorts of problems within.

 

Fantasy Relationships: combination of illusions and denial. Pure intimacy avoidance.

 

Abusive Relationships: emotional/physical and/or verbal abuse with use of excessive force or control.

 

Secret Relationships: on the down low for whatever reason. Often includes issues with race, religion, or family.

 

Excuse Relationship: are they busy, scared, too tired, shy, dealing with a lot right now, or just in need of an extra day/week/month/year/lifetime to give you what you need? If you or they make excuses it's to lesson their responsibility.

 

 

 

SPOT THE SIGNS OF AN EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE MAN:

 

1. Do things feel up and down, inconsistent and unbalanced? This can feel like passion and excitement initially but eventually it'll translate to tension, ambiguity, drama, and a relationship that's not progressing. If he's messing you around when you're together and chasing you up and making big promises when you tell him to shag off, you've got a hot and cold'er.

 

2. Does this feel familiar? If how you feel and his actions are similar to a previous unavailable relationship, you should be hearing alarm bells ringing. Big time.

 

3. What other boundary busting is going on? Blowing hot and cold doesn't happen in isolation. --- The Reset Button: is where he gives himself liberal license to reset the relationship to whatever point that he feels most comfortable with, which is effectively like erasing the past. With his assumptive, passive aggressive and sometimes outrageous attitude, he operates in a little bubble where he does as he likes and then bamboozles his way around your protests and requests to talk, as he expects you just to pick up where he left off.

 

He doesn't like dwelling. Which is code for basically thinking about, discussing, or doing anything that might cause him to connect with his actions and realise that he's behaved in a less than favorable manner to the people he's involved with. If you challenge him he may penalise you though sulking, withdrawal, and creating conflict so that you realise it's not worth the aggravation and 'give in.'

 

Acts of resetting include: disappearing for periods of time and expecting to return unchallenged, leaving you for someone else and then calling you up or trying to see you behind their back, trying to reach you after you cut contact, claiming he doesn't understand why you're mad at him, making you think you're going mad by denying he said or did things.

 

4. Is there an noticeable, negative impact on the relationship?

 

5. How much impact does fear have on your relationship:

 

 

Remember!

 

Only unavailable men blow hot and cold. Yes, really!

 

Disappearing is hugely disrespectful and a rejection of the relationship. If he disappears don't let him back in your life.

 

If someone is being physically unavailable, it makes it pretty damn difficult to have any sense of security about the relationship.

 

Never allow a hot and cold rinse to go by without questioning it or creating consequences.

 

I can understand second chances, but that is your limit. He's either in or he's out.

[geegirl]

Kat, Natalie is amazing. I downloaded the book after my break up and it helped speed up the process for me in changing my mindset, specifically in terms of idealization. Her NC guide and daily NC emails with encouraging words helped me through tremendously.

 

Check out her website Baggagereclaim, it has loads of articles that are a huge kick start for the brain.

Edited September 15, 2012 by geegirl

[KatZee]

Kat, Natalie is amazing. I downloaded the book after my break up and it helped speed up the process for me in changing my mindset, specifically in terms of idealization. Her NC guide and daily NC emails with encouraging words helped me through tremendously.

 

Check out her website Baggagereclaim, it has loads of articles that are a huge kick start for the brain.

 

I honestly can't even believe how amazing this book is. When I first was dumped I was the pathetic girl. Looking up all the "How to Get Your EX Back!" guides. In NONE of those guides did it seek to empower the dumpee at all. It was all, "how to cater to the ex" "how to make the ex see you as desirable using manipulation tactics" "how to make someone who doesn't want you, want you!"

 

None of those touched the mind-set of those guys and why perhaps they were in the relationship to begin with! Those guides are so black and white, and assume that all guys are available and able to be "caught."

 

I really could not say more great things about this book. I'm gonna have to check out the website too. Thanks!

[geegirl]

I honestly can't even believe how amazing this book is. When I first was dumped I was the pathetic girl. Looking up all the "How to Get Your EX Back!" guides. In NONE of those guides did it seek to empower the dumpee at all. It was all, "how to cater to the ex" "how to make the ex see you as desirable using manipulation tactics" "how to make someone who doesn't want you, want you!"

 

None of those touched the mind-set of those guys and why perhaps they were in the relationship to begin with! Those guides are so black and white, and assume that all guys are available and able to be "caught."

 

I really could not say more great things about this book. I'm gonna have to check out the website too. Thanks!

 

Sure thing! I was just like you. Stumbled upon Natalie's book and her site and read about her experiences with the same type of relationships. That inspired her to write. There's an article with insight about every situation. She really was a life saver. Good luck!

[gullibleme]

I haven't read the book but started all my research on the web and came across EUM before I found this great place!! I just knew that was my ex as soon as I started reading...the silent treatment was the worst...it's basically abuse, wanting to be in control...he talked when he wanted to hence needing to be in control of the relationship...he knew how he was and basically told me "I hate controversy", "I have no idea why I go silent" I felt really stupid for my own behavior and thinking he would change ...If I only did this or that..ugh! The humiliation I feel is horrible, I don't dwell on it however...my last text to him a couple months ago I told him off, left it at that and I got the last word...I feel in control now not him. Only when I started to see him for exactly who he was and it really was not ALL ME was I then able to move forward.

 

I remember asking him "How did you and your ex communicate when there was a problem/argument?" He said we didn't ...we basically ignored each other...BIG RED FLAG..I thought...well that won't happen to us!!! We will talk it through...ya right...he just wasn't able to.

 

I was a rebound after his 20+ yr marriage...I accept that now and will never be one again I will tell you that...lol

[KatZee]

I haven't read the book but started all my research on the web and came across EUM before I found this great place!! I just knew that was my ex as soon as I started reading...the silent treatment was the worst...it's basically abuse, wanting to be in control...he talked when he wanted to hence needing to be in control of the relationship...he knew how he was and basically told me "I hate controversy", "I have no idea why I go silent" I felt really stupid for my own behavior and thinking he would change ...If I only did this or that..ugh! The humiliation I feel is horrible, I don't dwell on it however...my last text to him a couple months ago I told him off, left it at that and I got the last word...I feel in control now not him. Only when I started to see him for exactly who he was and it really was not ALL ME was I then able to move forward.

 

I remember asking him "How did you and your ex communicate when there was a problem/argument?" He said we didn't ...we basically ignored each other...BIG RED FLAG..I thought...well that won't happen to us!!! We will talk it through...ya right...he just wasn't able to.

 

I was a rebound after his 20+ yr marriage...I accept that now and will never be one again I will tell you that...lol

 

Yup you sound just like me. I wash is rebound after his 6 year relationship. He too never communicated problems. He would just avoid and avoid and press the reset button. He would go into hiding, refuse to talk to me, and emerge 2 days later acting as if NOTHING happened. If I asked to talk, he'd blow me off.

 

It was funny because about 5 days before he officially ended it with me, we were on the phone and I was telling him, "we need to talk." My decision one week before he pulled the plug was that we needed to be apart. I WAS THE ONE that had come to that decision. I wanted to have the conversation to his face.

 

He refused. Hit the reset button, invited me out to go to a basketball game, and then fell off the earth, dumping me via text 2 days later. I was LIVID. I had the reasons for ending it. I wanted to have the conversation, and there he was controlling everything.

 

I refused to let him be in control a second longer and I did what you did. I called him out. I tore him about 5 new as$h0les. I completely reamed him out, I told him that he was nothing to me but a bad memory and I regretted ever meeting him. It was probably the cruelest e-mail I've ever written to anyone. And THAT made me top dog. I am now in control. Not him.

 

He tried to date someone else and rebound AGAIN with a new girl. It didn't even last 30 days. He's a CLASSIC Mr. Unavailable. He never faces his emotions he never learns, or anything. He just runs from everything. And he will never change, so I'm not jealous of any female who gets him next. Good luck to her.