I dumped her hard, but want her back... Part 2 What's she doing? Playing me?

[greenie]

Thanks for all your help and advice.

 

I have a new twist to share with you, if you're interested.

 

We talked last Friday and she decided to "see how the new relationship goes."

We didn't communiciate until Monday night when she called me on my cell (I was traveling for work, she knew this), and told me the same info that her friend, a sales recruiter, had told me earlier in the day. She had called about a job opportunity, but she had to have known that her friend would've already called me about this.

 

Well, I tried to be charming and nice, but busy, and got off the phone after about 5-7 minutes (I was at dinner), and I thought that would be it. BTW, she was commenting how funny I was and how great I am to talk to, even though we talked about nothing.

 

Then today she calls again, twice, to see if I would go see a spiritual whatever with her, b/c she wanted to "share her experiences with me." !!!!!!!! I played it off and told her that that was her thing and I that was just happy she was going to see her and enjoying it but I that I was going to "keep that her's."

 

She begged and begged and I finally gave in but then, again, got off the phone early. We are both in sales and coincidentally are going to be in the same city tomorrow, and now she's callling (3rd time) to see if I want to meet her for lunch. When I got home, there was an email asking the same.

 

What is up with her? Is this just her trying to stay close friends with me? Trying to get back with me?

 

I haven't asked her these questions, and don't want to. I was trying to forget about her beautiful face.

 

BTW, she accidentally sent me pics of her and her new guy on a group email on Friday, which spurned my phone call to her to aks her why. She seemed truly suprised I got them and apologized. Shaky?

[unluckylady]

Duh, of course she is trying to get you back!! She'll get you back by using jealousy (the "accidental" picture), flattery ("Oh you're so funny!!"), and making herself look like you're the only one who means something ("It's you, you great guy, that I want to share my experiences with!!").

 

Then what?

 

She'll dump you. She sounds like the kinda gal who has to be the one in control, and by you breaking up with her, she has lost that control. Now, she is playing these little games to get you back, so that she can eventually hurt you the way you hurt her.

 

Eck. I hate the games.

[greenie]

I have also thought about the fact that she may be trying to keep in contact with me in order to lessen her feelings of guilt about rejecting ME this last time, instead of me breaking up with her. Does she want to stick around and make sure I find someone else and truly get over her? I don't get into long term relationships very easily. I'm VERY picky.

 

I just can't wrap my brain around why she's so persistent in staying in contact, even though it is not constant. She'll go a few days without calling, then an email or call. And why does she still want me to meet with her spiritual lady to "share it with me?" She's trying to nail down a day when we can both go there together!! It seems that if she wanted to get me back, she would've been around a little more, not just sporadically. I want to share things with her too, but I know I need to let her take the lead in the relationship, since we have now switched dumper/dumpee positions.

 

I can feel myself maturing about this stuff and am tired of games or whatever. I think I feel now how she felt while we were together. I just hate what I did to her. She's too amazing....

[unluckylady]

Greenie...

 

Everyone (but ESP girls) wants to be wanted. I call this the Ryan Davis syndrome. Let me explain. Almost 10 years ago, when I was like a junior in high school, there was this completely dorky guy named Ryan Davis who clearly had a crush on me and my best friend, T. She and I (not to too our own horns) were the perfect mix - beautiful, fun, and brainy. The beauty + brains is what really got this guy's attention. Now, he was not the type of guy either of us would EVER, EVER like. Just way too much of a quintessential "geek", like the panty-dork from 16 Candles. Anyways, he always helped us with chemistry labs and conjugating our verbs in Spanish 4, and just had this little puppy dog look all the time. There was something very satisfying about having this guy like us, even though we didn't like him back...

 

See where I am going here???

 

One day Mr. Davis decided that his fellow band members were more along his level, and he starting dating this trumpet girl. Well, he stopped paying attention to us, flattering us, helping us, etc. We were pissed. So what did we do (SUBconsciously)?? Flirted, got him back on our side, wanting us.

 

This is what this girl is doing to you.

 

Sadly, I have to admit that I did this to a guy I dated a few months ago. I broke up with him, but I kept calling. It was like I wanted him to always still want me, in case one day I decided that I wanted him back.

 

She's looking for her backup plan, my friend. She's making sure that you are one of her options.

[greenie]

Except that she was SO in love with me when we dated. I mean almost stalker love. And this girl is beautiful. We told each other we loved each other, but she more than I. Whenever we would have a break, she would ALWAYS come running right back to me. Now that I have wised up up our relationship, she is now in a new one, b/c it took me nearly four months to contact her and initiate our relationship again. I don't think she was in contact with any other exes, but I could be wrong.

[reasontosigh]

..........One day Mr. Davis decided that his fellow band members were more along his level, and he starting dating this trumpet girl. Well, he stopped paying attention to us, flattering us, helping us, etc. We were pissed. So what did we do (SUBconsciously)?? Flirted, got him back on our side, wanting us......

 

So how did this story end???

 

I hate when someone leaves you hanging just as the storyline gets interesting!

[unluckylady]

I still think she is trying to keep you on a string. She's winning so far...

[greenie]

And I told her I screwed up and wanted her back ONCE and that was it. But now SHE"S initiating the contact with me, but not jumping in with two feet. Kinda dipping a toe. I think she may not trust me to not dump her again. This new guy is "stable and safe" she told me. He wanted to marry her right away she said, and it was driveing her away, she said. And he has also said recently, "Don't leave me." to her. I mean, come on!! She would NEVER go for a guy like that!!! She likes tough guys. I masquerade as one sometimes.

[mronederful]

if you care about her, let her go don't keep the game going on. maybe he can be for her what you could not. it's all on the wheel, you get what you give