How would you react to this??

[kookybunny]

My boyfriend gets his hair cut every month by a young, fitness model type. He always come back buzzing with excitement to tell me all the things they talk about. He is finding out her love languages and personality type (all things he did to me when we first met), analyzing them for her and telling her what they mean about herself etc.

 

This made me a bit jealous. THEN he tells me she said "Oh, your girlfriend must just love you!". This made me a teeny bit suspicious...kind of an odd thing to say??

 

Then I find out he added her on facebook. He kind of mentioned it out loud as he did it with me sitting there. Sort of like he wouldn't have to feel guilty doing it because he "told" me?

 

She made a neutral and random comment on his wall a while back, but other than that, they have no other contact. It doesn't help that I clicked her profile and she has closeups of her in bikinis all over the place.

 

What I have failed to mention so far is that in his post-haircut recap, he tells me all the cool things he tells her about me. Really talks me up.

 

Now he's saying that because of her personality type, he thinks her and I would make good friends.

 

I think he wants to invite her out with us and some friends now too.

 

I feel threatened because she is one or two year younger and financially successful. I have healthy self confidence, very attractive, a million great personality and character traits with a lot of potential but I am also unemployed at the moment and I have a great body, slim and all, but not exactly bikini ready.

 

I don't really know what to do.

 

I've talked to my guy about this already in the past and he just can't seem to understand from my point of view.

 

I wish I were the type to meet a bodybuilding rocket scientist at the gym to chat with every time and run home to tell him about!!

 

What are your thoughts on this?? Please help

[KungFuJoe]

He probably is feeling a little "giddy" that an attractive woman thinks highly of him. I think any guy would.

 

The fact that he is open about it and honest and wants you guys to meet makes me think he had no ulterior motives.

 

It's when they start hiding and being secretive that you have to worry.

[KungFuJoe]

What is your boyfriend, a Psyche Major or something? I've never in my life heard of a guy who cared about the Five Love Languages. That was a book my ex and I were told we had to read by our marriage counselor. My ex wanted to blow his brains out at the 2nd page, calling it "chick sh*t." I wasn't too far behind him, to be honest. LOL.

 

KungFuJoe is right though - it's when he stops gushing about her that you really have to worry. If she's the hot number you say she is, then she's probably got dumbass guys slobbering all over her all day long, and your boyfriend is probably just one of many of her admirers. Her secret is making him feel special because he'll keep coming back to her for his hair needs, and it probably also reflects in a larger tip for her. Like any service person, this girl isn't dumb and knows she'll get more flies with honey than vinegar.

 

HE, however, is far too overzealous in his little 'crush' on her. She's obviously not nearly as taken with him as he wants to believe she is, because the only time she seems to really interact with him is when he's in her chair and she's doing her job - cutting his hair. Otherwise, she'd be reaching out to him on Facebook and trying to get his attention and she's not.

 

I also agree with KungFuJoe that your boyfriend's motives for trying to draw her into your social life are not pure. He wants to find a way to spend more time around her and what better way than to keep pounding it into your head how GREAT you'll get along with her and wouldn't it just be swell if you could all hang out?

 

Honestly, he's acting like a teenage boy with a crush.

 

Whoa. I never said his motives were not pure. There isn't enough information to deduce that. I was merely putting myself in her bf's shoes and thinking about the time when I was much younger, in college, and had a serious gf. There was this girl in my math class who was pretty attractive and apparently had a bunch of guys hitting on her. She seemed to take a liking to me, we became friends, studied together, etc. I found her attractive and I liked the attention she gave me, but that was about it. I introduced her to my gf and we hung out a few times. THAT didn't go well at all...but that was because my gf was an insanely jealous person. She once started a fight with me over a girl who called the house and was a WRONG NUMBER!

[kookybunny]

she's probably got dumbass guys slobbering all over her all day long, and your boyfriend is probably just one of many of her admirers. Her secret is making him feel special because he'll keep coming back to her for his hair needs, and it probably also reflects in a larger tip for her. Like any service person, this girl isn't dumb and knows she'll get more flies with honey than vinegar.

 

HE, however, is far too overzealous in his little 'crush' on her. She's obviously not nearly as taken with him as he wants to believe she is, because the only time she seems to really interact with him is when he's in her chair and she's doing her job - cutting his hair. Otherwise, she'd be reaching out to him on Facebook and trying to get his attention and she's not.

 

I also agree with KungFuJoe that your boyfriend's motives for trying to draw her into your social life are not pure. He wants to find a way to spend more time around her and what better way than to keep pounding it into your head how GREAT you'll get along with her and wouldn't it just be swell if you could all hang out?

 

Honestly, he's acting like a teenage boy with a crush.

 

This is all so true. Thanks so much for the insight. She recently came back from vegas and was bitching at my guy over how all the guys were trying to impress her etc. She probably does see my guy ass one of MANY.

 

I guess it just bugs me because he was SO impressed and happy to be with me. Now that SHE is expressing "interest" in him (in his mind) he might think he can trade up or something.

 

I realize there will ALWAYS be ninety billion girls out there who are younger, prettier, richer, fill-in-the-blank-er than me. I just wish he didn't get so excited about them.

 

The whole thing cracks me up on one hand because I think she's too good for him.... but what does that say about me? I like quirky guys.

 

About his motives, I don't know.

 

If he is being devious about anything, it's not on purpose. Or he has effectively convinced himself otherwise.

 

This situation just makes me really sad and I wish that he could see it from my point of view.

 

I've been ready to give him my whole heart but when I see him behave like this, I start packing my emotional bags up, just so that I have them at the ready.

 

If you read any other of my previous posts, you'll see I've had issues with him acting like a "giddy teenager with a crush" over other women in the past, so long as they are attractive.

 

He says he wants to work on it more than anything else in life right now.

 

Sometimes I just don't know. I thought we would be together for life. We seem made for each other.

 

Now, I am starting to feel like I wouldn't mind an older, more experienced man who realizes that sexy, young chicks are a dime a dozen, especially when you have a sexy, young chick already with a good head on her shoulders, loyal, intelligent and deep, funny and interesting.

 

THANKYOU SO MUCH for your insight Kung Fu and Justaposter, I really appreciate it

[KungFuJoe]

This is all so true. Thanks so much for the insight. She recently came back from vegas and was bitching at my guy over how all the guys were trying to impress her etc. She probably does see my guy ass one of MANY.

 

I guess it just bugs me because he was SO impressed and happy to be with me. Now that SHE is expressing "interest" in him (in his mind) he might think he can trade up or something.

 

I realize there will ALWAYS be ninety billion girls out there who are younger, prettier, richer, fill-in-the-blank-er than me. I just wish he didn't get so excited about them.

 

The whole thing cracks me up on one hand because I think she's too good for him.... but what does that say about me? I like quirky guys.

 

About his motives, I don't know.

 

If he is being devious about anything, it's not on purpose. Or he has effectively convinced himself otherwise.

 

This situation just makes me really sad and I wish that he could see it from my point of view.

 

I've been ready to give him my whole heart but when I see him behave like this, I start packing my emotional bags up, just so that I have them at the ready.

 

If you read any other of my previous posts, you'll see I've had issues with him acting like a "giddy teenager with a crush" over other women in the past, so long as they are attractive.

 

He says he wants to work on it more than anything else in life right now.

 

Sometimes I just don't know. I thought we would be together for life. We seem made for each other.

 

Now, I am starting to feel like I wouldn't mind an older, more experienced man who realizes that sexy, young chicks are a dime a dozen, especially when you have a sexy, young chick already with a good head on her shoulders, loyal, intelligent and deep, funny and interesting.

 

THANKYOU SO MUCH for your insight Kung Fu and Justaposter, I really appreciate it

 

Wait...are you the one with the bf that goes gaga over any attractive woman, admits he has a problem, but says he can't help it?

[collegemuse]

It sounds like you have some jealousy issues - but I don't blame you, I would be uneasy in your shoes as well. But I wouldn't dissect every piece of "evidence" like that. Someone above said that if he was doing something sneaky, he would not be advertising it to you. I agree (having been cheated on, and having cheated myself.)

 

If you trust your boyfriend, just let it be. Its totally natural for him to be attracted to other women. He still chooses to spend his time and love on you! Whether you are actually jealous or not, it looks like you are, and that can be a major problem in a relationship.

 

So, do you really trust him?

[kookybunny]

Wait...are you the one with the bf that goes gaga over any attractive woman, admits he has a problem, but says he can't help it?

 

 

.......... you guys took that all the wrong way!!!!!... but in a word, yes

[kookybunny]

by the way, him and his family treat me like absolute GOLD and compliments me all of the time etc...

[veggirl]

I would be pissed. Is your boyfriend like 5 years old? Gushing over a crush is totally inappropriate. In fact a passing crush might be okay but the way this has gone on for seemingly months is not cool and it looks like it's getting worse.

 

See it seems like the only reason this hasn't escalated is because she hasn't attempted to take it anywhere else. He clearly is eager to involve her more in his life.

 

Do you think he'd be so excited if this was a guy he got along with so well? I mean come on, this is inappropriate.

 

This is how cheating s.hit starts. Poor boundaries. He KNOWS he is attracted to her so instead of protecting his relationship with YOU and keeping THEIR relationship purely professional, he is blurring lines more and more and more, he is getting more attracted/attached to her............the writing is on the wall.

 

This might be innocent NOW but again...this is how all this bad s.hit starts. It's innocent to start with, but it escalates. You can already see your boyfriend escalating things.

 

honestly your boyfriend is disrespecting your R by engaging with a girl he is sooo attracted to. this is a slippery slope, sorry

Edited September 15, 2012 by veggirl

[kookybunny]

I would be pissed. Is your boyfriend like 5 years old? Gushing over a crush is totally inappropriate. In fact a passing crush might be okay but the way this has gone on for seemingly months is not cool and it looks like it's getting worse.

 

See it seems like the only reason this hasn't escalated is because she hasn't attempted to take it anywhere else. He clearly is eager to involve her more in his life.

 

Do you think he'd be so excited if this was a guy he got along with so well? I mean come on, this is inappropriate.

 

This is how cheating s.hit starts. Poor boundaries. He KNOWS he is attracted to her so instead of protecting his relationship and keeping THEIR relationship purely professional, he is blurring lines more and more and more, he is getting more attracted/attached to her............the writing is on the wall.

 

This might be innocent NOW but again...this is how all this bad s.hit starts. It's innocent to start with, but it escalates. You can already see your boyfriend escalating things.

 

I can see the truth in this. I will see if he invites her out or not or how adamant he is about our being friends.

 

I'm kind of at the point where I really don't care. If he wants to ride off into the sunset with her, well i'll wish him luck- he'll need it!

 

I just don't want to feel like the one he sticks with because it's safe.

 

Ugh..so confusing.

[kookybunny]

Would also like to add that my guy IS the excitable type. I have seen him get this excited over guys.

 

I just don't like it because she is SO attractive. Like, playboy bunny.

 

Otherwise, it would just sound like an interesting girl who cuts his hair who he thinks I'd get along with.

 

ALSO PS: I trust him.

[kookybunny]

I would be pissed. Is your boyfriend like 5 years old? Gushing over a crush is totally inappropriate. In fact a passing crush might be okay but the way this has gone on for seemingly months is not cool and it looks like it's getting worse.

 

See it seems like the only reason this hasn't escalated is because she hasn't attempted to take it anywhere else. He clearly is eager to involve her more in his life.

 

Do you think he'd be so excited if this was a guy he got along with so well? I mean come on, this is inappropriate.

 

This is how cheating s.hit starts. Poor boundaries. He KNOWS he is attracted to her so instead of protecting his relationship with YOU and keeping THEIR relationship purely professional, he is blurring lines more and more and more, he is getting more attracted/attached to her............the writing is on the wall.

 

This might be innocent NOW but again...this is how all this bad s.hit starts. It's innocent to start with, but it escalates. You can already see your boyfriend escalating things.

 

honestly your boyfriend is disrespecting your R by engaging with a girl he is sooo attracted to. this is a slippery slope, sorry

 

This is why it bugs me. I have no idea what would happen if this did occur.

[crystal_lite]

Hi Kooky,

 

.... Your Bf is attracted to women but can't help it??? I agree with Veggirl, it is such a slippery slope.

 

He can't gush over everything that's hot and expect you to be ok about it. I know he treats you like gold but that's another thing. You don't like this. You have to tell him.

 

This girl ONLY cuts his hair and he's already wanting to invite her out with you? What if he invited her out WITHOUT you after a haircut? You have to talk to him about this, it's very disrespectful.

 

How about you sit him down, talk to him before this escalates and SOMETHING happens. If not with this girl it's with another - if this girl actually made a move, then it's done. But she isn't ... cause she ONLY cuts his hair - she's not the problem. Your BF's 'gushing' is.

[Imajerk17]

Maybe he's angling for a threesome? It is a thought that seriously caught my mind.

 

I agree that his including her in his life so much is inappropriate and disrespectful.

Edited September 15, 2012 by Imajerk17

[spiderowl]

I can completely understand your dilemma. You sense that he's excited by this woman because of his behaviour. He is seeking her out by adding her as a friend; that's not passive behaviour. Now he wants her to be your friend, dragging her into his social circle and inevitably into yours. You clearly don't want her there.

 

I think this is really difficult. He's being stupid and insensitive here.

 

I don't know how a more reasonable person would behave. I know how I would. I would tell him he seems excited about her. I would also tell him I'd rather choose my own friends, thanks. I would let him know I wasn't happy about him friending her on Facebook. If this dragging her into his life and mine didn't stop pretty quickly after that, I'd be looking at getting out. I simply would not want to be in a position where my guy was toying with the idea of this girl.

 

I am pretty extreme and others would probably have more reasonable advice for you.

[yongyong]

I have healthy self confidence, very attractive, a million great personality and character traits with a lot of potential but I am also unemployed at the moment and I have a great body, slim and all, but not exactly bikini ready.

----------------------------------------------------------

Great personality? who cares?

What is great body but not bikini ready??

 

Would you stick around if a guy like her (sexier and more successful) comes around just because your current BF has a GREAT PERSONALITY?? LOL

BTW, how do you measure personality? how do you know your personality is better than hers?

 

Usually girls with not great looks, claim they have a better personality and all these hot girls are dumb bitches.

[Ruby Slippers]

I wish I were the type to meet a bodybuilding rocket scientist at the gym to chat with every time and run home to tell him about!!

This is what I would do - make a hot new guy friend and see how he likes it.

[kookybunny]

This is what I would do - make a hot new guy friend and see how he likes it.

 

This is my plan, actually. I'm going to make a fake facebook page and everything. I haven't decided on his name but he will be a dog loving vegan bodybuilder who made it big flipping houses in Arizona back when the market crashed. He moved back home to Canada to study rocket science (a life long dream) at our local university. He did so well in real estate that he doesn't need the money, but got a part time job as a trainer at the gym to meet likeminded people and keep in shape.

 

LOLLLLLLL!!! my guy will practically crap his pants lol:lmao:

 

I will keep you guys updated

[kookybunny]

I have healthy self confidence, very attractive, a million great personality and character traits with a lot of potential but I am also unemployed at the moment and I have a great body, slim and all, but not exactly bikini ready.

----------------------------------------------------------

Great personality? who cares?

What is great body but not bikini ready??

 

Would you stick around if a guy like her (sexier and more successful) comes around just because your current BF has a GREAT PERSONALITY?? LOL

BTW, how do you measure personality? how do you know your personality is better than hers?

 

Usually girls with not great looks, claim they have a better personality and all these hot girls are dumb bitches.

 

HAHAHAHA.... I agree! The thing is, I grew up "ugly" and "awkward" because I was tall and gangly so I have an ugly girl's personality. Then I hit the gym, learned makeup and hair, became a model for a little while and suddenly I had the looks as well! What I am saying is that I am the complete package that most guys dream of but are very unlikely to find.

 

I'm not a 20 yr old playboy bunny though. Thats the difference.

 

Great body but not bikini ready? I have an average, slim, sexy body. This chick has a TIGHT TONED PERFECT body like just out of victoria's secret mag.

 

Thanks but you're a troll so I'm putting you on ignore

[kookybunny]

Hi Kooky,

 

.... Your Bf is attracted to women but can't help it??? I agree with Veggirl, it is such a slippery slope.

 

He can't gush over everything that's hot and expect you to be ok about it. I know he treats you like gold but that's another thing. You don't like this. You have to tell him.

 

This girl ONLY cuts his hair and he's already wanting to invite her out with you? What if he invited her out WITHOUT you after a haircut? You have to talk to him about this, it's very disrespectful.

 

How about you sit him down, talk to him before this escalates and SOMETHING happens. If not with this girl it's with another - if this girl actually made a move, then it's done. But she isn't ... cause she ONLY cuts his hair - she's not the problem. Your BF's 'gushing' is.

 

He wouldn't do that. WE've discussed our boundaries about one on ones with opposite sex before.

 

I know she's not the problem. SHe does actually seem cool OH and ps SHE TOLD HIM that she wants to meet me because I sound so cool. She is totally not the problem! HE ruined it by acting like this.

 

PS THANKS for your great advice, appreciate it

[kookybunny]

Maybe he's angling for a threesome? It is a thought that seriously caught my mind.

 

I agree that his including her in his life so much is inappropriate and disrespectful.

 

Is he "including her in his life so much"? He just talks to me about her and added her on facebook and mentioned that she wanted to meet me and that we should be friends. I am still torn over whether I'm overreacting. I mean, my boyfriend is a deep person. He doesn't just talk to people about the weather.

 

Don't extroverted men talk to their hairdressers? .......???

 

Oh and I thought of that- NO he's not going for a threesome. We discussed this in the past-

1) only in vegas

2) no one we know or keep contact with

3) i get to pick her

 

LOLLLLLLL

[Imajerk17]

Is he "including her in his life so much"? He just talks to me about her and added her on facebook and mentioned that she wanted to meet me and that we should be friends. I am still torn over whether I'm overreacting. I mean, my boyfriend is a deep person. He doesn't just talk to people about the weather.

 

Don't extroverted men talk to their hairdressers? .......???

 

Oh and I thought of that- NO he's not going for a threesome. We discussed this in the past-

1) only in vegas

2) no one we know or keep contact with

3) i get to pick her

 

LOLLLLLLL

 

Well, if you are this torn about this and this willing to give the benefit of the doubt, then this is my suggestion (which I am positive won't be too popular): Meet up with this girl, the 3 of you. See how he acts around her versus you. If you feel like the third wheel, then well...

 

That said, I guess different strokes for different folks, but his behavior all seems a bit much to me. I mean, single or in a relationship, I notice pretty girls, I'd like one cutting my hair, and if we interacted I'd add her on FB. But I sure wouldn't try to learn her "love languages".

 

Would your boyfriend be acting anywhere this way if his hair-cutter was "Pierre"?

[kookybunny]

Well, if you are this torn about this and this willing to give the benefit of the doubt, then this is my suggestion (which I am positive won't be too popular): Meet up with this girl, the 3 of you. See how he acts around her versus you. If you feel like the third wheel, then well...

 

That said, I guess different strokes for different folks, but his behavior all seems a bit much to me. I mean, single or in a relationship, I notice pretty girls, I'd like one cutting my hair, and if we interacted I'd add her on FB. But I sure wouldn't try to learn her "love languages".

 

Would your boyfriend be acting anywhere this way if his hair-cutter was "Pierre"?

 

yes.

 

he needs to realize that because she is an attractive woman, he needs to play it down a bit.

 

he's a little slow socially because he grew up in a fundamentalist religious household where his parents tried to limit his exposure to the outside world. they even tried to homeschool him. his parents are very strange socially in the same way that he is- oversharing. his mom has a "crush" on me and so does his dad. it's creepy. his sister got homeschooled and she has no friends, controlling and weird with ocd. so he has some quirks but he made it out alive if you know what i mean....

[kookybunny]

Well, if you are this torn about this and this willing to give the benefit of the doubt, then this is my suggestion (which I am positive won't be too popular): Meet up with this girl, the 3 of you. See how he acts around her versus you. If you feel like the third wheel, then well...

 

That said, I guess different strokes for different folks, but his behavior all seems a bit much to me. I mean, single or in a relationship, I notice pretty girls, I'd like one cutting my hair, and if we interacted I'd add her on FB. But I sure wouldn't try to learn her "love languages".

 

Would your boyfriend be acting anywhere this way if his hair-cutter was "Pierre"?

 

hmmmm.......

 

..............................hmmmmm......

[sweetheart5381]

Good thread.

 

Been in this position just recently in fact. My ex and I work together and we eventually got together as a "couple" after many months of him pursuing. I was new to the company and many, many men noticed me and chatted me up. (I am a female in an engineering company). He seemed really interested in me at first, I was his trophy for a period of time. Right up until he knew I was all his, he had my heart and knew it.

 

Once I was "caught" he constantly obsessed over other attractive co-workers. He had more crushes than I could count. I mean, to the point we would watch porn and ask me if I thought the actress on the screen looked like so-in-so from X dept (my friend) cuz he always thought she did. He openly admitted that he masturbated to this image of a friend of mine.

 

It got to be too much for me in the end. I am not a jealous person, I feel great about me, sexy, successful, attractive, intelligent and 10 yrs younger than him. Haha, this man openly admitted to me that he wanted me to tell my friends he was a great guy and a great guy in bed too, lol. Too transparent in his intentions. He disrespected me by doing so. And wow, he wasnt exactly as smart as I thought he was

 

Be wary of this guy's behaviour. It is highly insensitive and ultimately disrespectful. He knows it too I'm sure.