Ebony123 Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 I had been doing so well. Distracting myself, going out, NC for over 2 weeks. Today was my first day off work and college, and the first full day I spent alone in the house. I started missing him like crazy, the thought of our old shared memories made me cry and cry. So I finally convinced myself that I could be his friend, and that NC was stupid. Why should I let somebody who was my first love, first lover, bestfriend, my everything.. just disappear from my life? I thought, I was there for him when he was considering getting back with his ex, I stuck with him through that as a 'friend' so I can deal with the pain of hearing about him and his new girlfriend now. As long as we get to speak regularly. I sent him a text around 5:30pm, it was really casual just saying it had been a while and asking how he was. No 'I miss you's' or any of that. No response. At 9pm I sent another text, asking him why he felt the need to ignore me when I was only trying to be nice in my previous text. It's almost 11pm and no response. I feel foolish. I'm certain he won't reply now, so no more texts. It just hurts, I was doing so well I believed I was almost there. Then this overwhelming feeling of hurt and emptiness took over and I texte him. I'm regretting it so much The worst thing is, I know he's not a good guy. He treated me like **** for 2 years while with each passing day I loved him more and more. Knowing this, and seeing his true colours, why am I still missing him? Just venting. Would appreciate some encouraging insight
sweetheart5381 Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 I had been doing so well. Distracting myself, going out, NC for over 2 weeks. Today was my first day off work and college, and the first full day I spent alone in the house. I started missing him like crazy, the thought of our old shared memories made me cry and cry. So I finally convinced myself that I could be his friend, and that NC was stupid. Why should I let somebody who was my first love, first lover, bestfriend, my everything.. just disappear from my life? I thought, I was there for him when he was considering getting back with his ex, I stuck with him through that as a 'friend' so I can deal with the pain of hearing about him and his new girlfriend now. As long as we get to speak regularly. I sent him a text around 5:30pm, it was really casual just saying it had been a while and asking how he was. No 'I miss you's' or any of that. No response. At 9pm I sent another text, asking him why he felt the need to ignore me when I was only trying to be nice in my previous text. It's almost 11pm and no response. I feel foolish. I'm certain he won't reply now, so no more texts. It just hurts, I was doing so well I believed I was almost there. Then this overwhelming feeling of hurt and emptiness took over and I texte him. I'm regretting it so much The worst thing is, I know he's not a good guy. He treated me like **** for 2 years while with each passing day I loved him more and more. Knowing this, and seeing his true colours, why am I still missing him? Just venting. Would appreciate some encouraging insight Honey, we're been there (LS folks) and I've been in your shoes. I sent texts, emails, to no avail. Nothing but pain really, if they respond it will be cold and if they don't respond, it will be colder . NC is tough and don't feel weak or bad for breaking it. It's human nature. Start again... NC is the way! I don't mean to be cruel here, but he really doesn't have to answer your text anymore. Although your heart may belong to him atm, his is very far apart now. Do yourself a favor and go and grab some nail polish and do your nails. Put on some music and dance to your favorite song. Go put on your favourite movie. (I personally love Heath Ledger in A Knight's Tale, very hot!) This feeling you feel will end, trust me. Been there. Hurt bad, but it does pass. 1
collegemuse Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Reach out to your friends and family....you will be surprised at how much better an old friend could make you feel. Hugs to you:bunny: 1
Appleness Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 We've all been there. Trust me, he's doing you a favor by ignoring you. It's a lot harder when you get breadcrumbs for them. Do something fun with friends or rent a movie this weekend. Come monday when school starts back up, you'll be happy that you don't have to worry whatever dumb thing he might have said. Stay strong! You can do it! 1
Author Ebony123 Posted September 15, 2012 Author Posted September 15, 2012 Thanks everyone, I completely agree that with 'their response will be cold, and no response even colder.' I woke up to a reply from him.. All it said was 'Sorry didn't reply. I'm good thanks you?' I can tell he doesn't want to talk to me or hear from me, clearly. He was probably too busy at his girlfriend's last night to resond. It just breaks my heart how someone I was once SO close to, can just treat me like a stranger now.. I won't be responding to his text, thanks for your advice everyone 1
TaraMaiden Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Harsh as it may seem, I really don't understand why, when there is soooo much testimony to the fact that NC works, and breaking NC breaks your heart, all over again - why people succumb to the temptation. What the hell makes you do it...? Why believe that you're different to everyone else who's tried and failed? Why delude yourself into believing "Surely now, it won't do any harm...?" With the greatest of respect, this - So I finally convinced myself that I could be his friend, and that NC was stupid. Why should I let somebody who was my first love, first lover, bestfriend, my everything.. just disappear from my life? I thought, I was there for him when he was considering getting back with his ex, I stuck with him through that as a 'friend' so I can deal with the pain of hearing about him and his new girlfriend now. Is the biggest pile of self-kidding "You ain't fooling anyone" crock I've read for a while... because this - As long as we get to speak regularly. - this tiny little throw-away phrase, says it all. You want to be back in touch with him, and have him in your life, just like before. ITS. NOT. GOING. TO. WORK. He threw you breadcrumbs. He must have thought, "Oh, she's still there then! I knew I'd hear back from her eventually." Stop now, okay? Any time you feel like being a dang fool, just come back to this thread and read, and vent. "Everybody has a right to act like an idiot for 5 minutes a day. Wisdom consists of not exceeding that limit." Wise up honey, time's up. 3
Calico Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Harsh as it may seem, I really don't understand why, when there is soooo much testimony to the fact that NC works, and breaking NC breaks your heart, all over again - why people succumb to the temptation. What the hell makes you do it...? It's for the same reason why 90% of the alcoholics who try to go through withdrawal relapse within the first few days: The pain and "need" get so dire, intense and unbearable that they will do anything to get relief, to get a fix. Sending that text, the mail, or placing a call provides that relief, just like a drink would for an alcoholic. It's short-lived and just throws people back to square one, but in the moment when the despair flares up to never-before-known heights and the emotions are red hot, all that matters is getting relief. It'll pass if accepted or resisted, but it's incredibly hard to not give in to it, especially when the mind offers delicious and falsely logical sounding reasons why making contact would be a really good idea (either massive projecting of one's own feelings on the ex, irrationally optimistic "visions", or fearful thoughts like "I miss the chance!" and "S/he'll think I don't miss them!"). I think eventually people "get it", though. Every time, it just hurts more and they start at the beginning again. At one point, pretty much everyone grows tired of the new pain and fed up with the situation. And unless they numb the pain (alcohol, drugs, sex, whatever), they will then get through it. It helps to exercise some discipline, like not checking FB, not looking at photos, not using Whatsapp or messengers or skype to check if the person's online, not reading old mails and texts, not cuddling the bear he got you, not constantly dwelling on how sweet the first year was, and -- sorry for the bluntness -- not masturbating with that person in mind (it ties more pleasing thoughts to the person, so it's like a mini fix that blows up in your face, after you blew up), and so on. It's work, but you have to decide whether you want to get better now or later. 4
Author Ebony123 Posted September 15, 2012 Author Posted September 15, 2012 Calico, your response made me laugh. Thank you for your constant encouraging posts, you've really helped me this past week. Tara, I know you're right - it was just in the moment, my brain was coming up with many reasons for why breaking NC would be a good idea. Obviously I was just having a weak moment and I was very, very wrong. Right now I'm feeling better than ever - I'm finally thinking clearly, and it's finally sunk in.. this guy never did and never will DESERVE me. He treated me like ****. I know I'll find someone who will love me and never want to leave me behind like my ex did. But, I also know this great feeling of happiness is only short lived as when I get to work tonight I will be reminded of him again (we used to work there together before he left for a new job and we began dating.) I know I will feel sad again, and probably miss him again. Why is it so up and down? Just when you think you're finally almost over them, you break down and end up back at square 1 again..
TaraMaiden Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Because that's precisely where you are. Back to square one. Every time you break No Contact - and they reciprocate - you find yourself fairly and squarely right back at the beginning. so this is - Day one. Of No Contact.
youngnlove89 Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 I know how you feel. It's hard to resist that urge. My ex and I should have been broken up a few months ago. I kept telling him this is the "last" time and we need to move on. Then I would go NC for a couple of days and then I would get the urge to contact him. And I did. He would respond, we would get back together and then I would remember WHY I wanted to go NC in the first place, because he couldn't give me what I wanted: a committed relationship. So then I would tell him we need to break up again. And then the cycle would start again. If I would have stayed NC from the get-go I would not be where I am right now, heartbroken. I kept jumping right back into the cycle of contacting him, getting back, and then letting go again because I remembered why I tried so hard to let go in the beginning. Of course he wanted to come back each time, it was free sex and an ego stroke for him. It was for selfish reasons. Remember those reasons why it didn't work out between you two. Write them down. Every time you get the urge to contact him, walk away from your phone, read the reasons and re-collect yourself. Promise to wait a day before you act on your impulses. He isn't going anywhere. That's what I do now. If I get the urge, I let the urge pass and usually it will in a day because I will start to think how I would feel if he didn't respond or how he ISN'T going to change his mind. Plus, if he did change his mind, I wouldn't be the one contacting him first! There is nothing that can stop a man from getting what he wants. If he really wants you, he will find a way to get you back. Remember that. 1
JSJS Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Right now I'm feeling better than ever - I'm finally thinking clearly, and it's finally sunk in.. this guy never did and never will DESERVE me. He treated me like ****. I know I'll find someone who will love me and never want to leave me behind like my ex did. Well done! This is a good place to be and these are healthy thoughts - don't linger on this person and go NC again. It sucks to remember how bad you were treated but use it as a positive thing and never let that person do it to you again. You are worth so much more! 1
sweetheart5381 Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Exactly. It's tough and NC is tough at first, but it will become a habit, I kid you not. Stick with it, it works! I work with my ex (terribly hard at first), see him everyday and seeing him now does nothing, I rarely notice his existence now. I used to have panic attacks, heart pounding, hands shaking, all that crap. Now, he can be right beside me and I don't give a crap. In fact, I have been intimate with his friend for the last couple months (a co-worker) and we have all been in the same room and it doesn't even phase me that my ex is there now. NC does wonders. He chooses to ignore me, I follow his lead, I just cant care less. Others just laugh at how juvenile he is. No big deal. We have been complete NC for about 3 months, (I don't count the time, just don't care ) NC is the way 1
suladas Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 It's for the same reason why 90% of the alcoholics who try to go through withdrawal relapse within the first few days: The pain and "need" get so dire, intense and unbearable that they will do anything to get relief, to get a fix. Sending that text, the mail, or placing a call provides that relief, just like a drink would for an alcoholic. It's short-lived and just throws people back to square one, but in the moment when the despair flares up to never-before-known heights and the emotions are red hot, all that matters is getting relief. It'll pass if accepted or resisted, but it's incredibly hard to not give in to it, especially when the mind offers delicious and falsely logical sounding reasons why making contact would be a really good idea (either massive projecting of one's own feelings on the ex, irrationally optimistic "visions", or fearful thoughts like "I miss the chance!" and "S/he'll think I don't miss them!"). I think eventually people "get it", though. Every time, it just hurts more and they start at the beginning again. At one point, pretty much everyone grows tired of the new pain and fed up with the situation. And unless they numb the pain (alcohol, drugs, sex, whatever), they will then get through it. It helps to exercise some discipline, like not checking FB, not looking at photos, not using Whatsapp or messengers or skype to check if the person's online, not reading old mails and texts, not cuddling the bear he got you, not constantly dwelling on how sweet the first year was, and -- sorry for the bluntness -- not masturbating with that person in mind (it ties more pleasing thoughts to the person, so it's like a mini fix that blows up in your face, after you blew up), and so on. It's work, but you have to decide whether you want to get better now or later. Personally, I re-read the entire amount of texts my iphone holds, and for a moment it make it sting worse but I think it actually helped me. I remembered the good times, but it also showed me exactly why we broke up (well i'm 99% sure anyways) reading the bad texts, and that I would NEVER want the old relationship back. I would consider a new one, but many things would need to change for it to ever happen, I have to much respect for myself. I still look at her facebook page daily, it doesn't phase me anymore. It's weird, the first few texts I sent stung SO bad, well actually the first one was good because I got a good response, but it made the non response to the next one that much worse. But they got less and less, the last one was a week ago and I barely even cared when she didn't respond. I do agree though, absolutely do not contact them trying to be friends or if you just want to keep in contact. I thought like this for a while to, and it's a bad idea. I do not regret any text I sent however. Pretty much everyone I though about for at least a day before sending. But like anyone, you gain experience by failing. Some things you have to learn for yourself.
suladas Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Because that's precisely where you are. Back to square one. Every time you break No Contact - and they reciprocate - you find yourself fairly and squarely right back at the beginning. so this is - Day one. Of No Contact. I disagree you go back to square one. For me, it was a relapse for 1-2 days tops that I sent a text and got no response then my progress continued.
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