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For the Dumpee's - Would you take the Dumper back?

paperboy48

By paperboy48
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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paperboy48 Established Member

paperboy48

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Would you take the dumper back?

 

If I had the opportunity, at this point I'm not positive I would take her back, Reason-being: she has been with someone else and I don't think I could handle that.

Mint Sauce Established Member

Mint Sauce

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likewise: the damage done is too severe to overcome. It's broken beyond repair.

 

but I'd give almost everything to go a few years back in time...

KansasChica Established Member

KansasChica

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likewise: the damage done is too severe to overcome. It's broken beyond repair.

 

but I'd give almost everything to go a few years back in time...

 

Agreed. I miss him every day, but the idea of him. The person he pretended to be. I don't think I could ever trust him again.

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paperboy48 Established Member

paperboy48

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but I'd give almost everything to go a few years back in time...

 

 

Oh yeah!! same here...

 

And, If I only had it to do over again.

barese1 Established Member

barese1

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I'd rather be completely over her than have her back.

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Mint Sauce Established Member

Mint Sauce

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It also still depends on whether I find someone new. If yes, then no, she can beg as much as she wants. If in say 5 years I'm still alone, and so is she (after she dumped her rebound guy in a few months time), then perhaps I'd reconsider...

suladas Established Member

suladas

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Maybe. For me, I would have to find out why they did a few things they did during the break up, but most likely I would. Like I would really have to find out why they ignored me, if it was the best way for them to deal with it, then I wouldn't hold it against them, but if it was to hurt me I wouldn't take them back.

 

Because in my opinion you do find out more about people during a break up, but you have to expect it.

 

But in all honesty, if I knew I would find someone else I was that crazy about and had so much in common with I wouldn't take her back. I'd rather be with someone who didn't have kids, but she was so great and we got along so well it didn't matter.

 

If I found out she was dating someone else that would be it though. Because she knew in advance I wanted to get back together so playing the field then coming back I wouldn't accept.

Gab09 Member

Gab09

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Isn't it funny?

 

We miss somebody so much, but if they came back.. Would we be happy they did? Even though physically and mentally we miss them and feel like we need them. Once they're here.. Would we want them back?

 

Psychology is crazy insane! The biological map of our bodies making us want a "mate" with us in order to feel completely.. It just amazes me more everyday.

 

I couldn't handle her being with somebody else, I miss her like crazy, but I know i'm better off.. A little afraid and scared.. Intimidated.. But I know i'm better off.

 

The instability that she gave me for all this years, I do not miss.

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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I would, basically because while I am the dumpee, it was a move on my part that caused her to pull the plug. And when we've met since, she's acted more like the jilted dumpee even though technically she made the break.

suladas Established Member

suladas

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Isn't it funny?

 

We miss somebody so much, but if they came back.. Would we be happy they did? Even though physically and mentally we miss them and feel like we need them. Once they're here.. Would we want them back?

 

Psychology is crazy insane! The biological map of our bodies making us want a "mate" with us in order to feel completely.. It just amazes me more everyday.

 

I couldn't handle her being with somebody else, I miss her like crazy, but I know i'm better off.. A little afraid and scared.. Intimidated.. But I know i'm better off.

 

The instability that she gave me for all this years, I do not miss.

 

Yea I know. I can honestly say some days my ex could say anything and I would tell her not a chance i'd get back together, but most days I would.

 

But at the same time i've let her know I want to try things again, so i'm not going to wait around forever i'm going to start dating and getting on with my life. If she contacts me, great i'll think about it then. Or maybe when she sees me dating someone else it will make her want me back, but who knows it might be too late then.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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Never.

They'd have to crawl on all fours through broken glass, salt and lemon juice, before they had a chance with me. And I'd still delight in turning them down.

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Mint Sauce Established Member

Mint Sauce

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Never.

They'd have to crawl on all fours through broken glass, salt and lemon juice, before they had a chance with me. And I'd still delight in turning them down.

 

Do I sense some unresolved anger there ;)

suladas Established Member

suladas

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Do I sense some unresolved anger there ;)

 

Probably a bit!

k100danny Established Member

k100danny

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Through my experience with break ups the answer i would say is at times in the beginning i would have said yes. Even now after everything I think it would be hard not to entertain the idea BUT. What we long for isn't the person who left, it is what we thought the relationship was, what we hoped it would be and if its less than an 18 month relationship then the chances are you were in love with what you wanted that person to be and hoped it would turn into rather than truly loving the person.

 

Now don't get me wrong you can love someone well before this, but the love you feel is for the person you want or think they are and not always the true person you have. As humans we put up a front to people, this is taught to us at a young age when we learn shame ect. it takes a long time for those boundaries to come down and for you to totally be yourself around someone, you put on your best self.

 

So my answer to this is it would be hard for me to just flat out say no but in my mind i know it's not right and wouldn't work in the long run. Once something is over it usually means you weren't a good match. we aren't pining for the person as much as what we wanted out of the relationship.

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Hindsight_is_20_20 Established Member

Hindsight_is_20_20

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I'd rather be completely over her than have her back.

 

Ditto. I second this.

Hindsight_is_20_20 Established Member

Hindsight_is_20_20

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I would, so I could deposit a fat load on her face and kick her out of my house.

 

What would be a girls version of this? Then ya, that for me.

RogerWallace111 Established Member

RogerWallace111

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I took mine back. After a few promises that she knew we could make it work and she wanted it more than anything. And after a week and half she ended it again, saying it "didn't feel right". I don't know whether or not I regret taking her back, though, honestly... As I feel pretty much fine another 1.5 weeks later and have a bit more closure.

 

 

But I'm gonna say generally don't take em back unless they really convince you they're gonna give it their all. Cause even if they do, it's likely doomed to fail again.

 

At this point I definitely wouldn't take her back. The potential of the future is too awesome...

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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Do I sense some unresolved anger there ;)

Actually, no. The last time I was dumped was in 1976.

 

I just know my own dignity and self-esteem is better than any person saying "Oh ok, look I'll tell you what, if it makes you feel better, let me go back on that...."

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sweetheart5381 Established Member

sweetheart5381

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Actually, no. The last time I was dumped was in 1976.

 

I just know my own dignity and self-esteem is better than any person saying "Oh ok, look I'll tell you what, if it makes you feel better, let me go back on that...."

 

Very nice Tara. You give some of the best advice on this site, it's always insightful and I look forward to hearing your comments. Good stuff!

 

I would not get back with my ex... or any ex for that matter. I have far too much self-respect to ever, EVER go down that road.

 

When it's done, it's done. "Bury the hatchet and make sure the handle ain't stickin out" ;)

MyHeartTakesOver Member

MyHeartTakesOver

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If they passed ever test I set for them then, maybe. God help them if they chose to go down that road though.

 

My ex recently contacted me to ask what he'd need to do to get back with me. I told him he'd have to be prepared to be dragged over hot coals and suffer immensely just to even the score. If he suffered for me, that's the only way I could know without a shadow of a doubt that he loves me to the degree he needs to.

 

I didn't hear back from him.

 

Yet, at least. Give him a few days.

sweetheart5381 Established Member

sweetheart5381

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I took mine back. After a few promises that she knew we could make it work and she wanted it more than anything. And after a week and half she ended it again, saying it "didn't feel right". I don't know whether or not I regret taking her back, though, honestly... As I feel pretty much fine another 1.5 weeks later and have a bit more closure.

 

 

But I'm gonna say generally don't take em back unless they really convince you they're gonna give it their all. Cause even if they do, it's likely doomed to fail again.

 

At this point I definitely wouldn't take her back. The potential of the future is too awesome...

 

Good point. If it failed then there needs to be some serious change involved. I am not a fan of reconciliation at all. My ex (my sons father) and I have been apart for nearly 10 yrs now. We are friends, we talk nearly every day but I cannot imagine having a romantic relationship with him again. He and I know each other like the back of our hands, but romance is something I could never do with him ever. He still feels sexually attracted to me and shows it, but a relationship is more than just between the sheets, imo.

 

I don't want to re-live the past, I want a future with someone that is more compatible than we were... the potential of a future with a truly compatible partner is awesome :)

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KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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Absolutely not. Never. Not a snowballs chance in hell.

 

There was a time when I would have entertained the thought. Those days are long gone. I know exactly what he is now. Unavailable, and I stayed with him 2 years too long. Played me like a fiddle from day one and I fell for it, hook, line and sinker.

 

In these 4 months of being single, and COMPLETE NC, I see him exactly as he is, what he did to me, how he made me feel so low.

 

I love myself far too much to ever get back with someone like that ever again.

  • Like 3
NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

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My case is a bit complicated, as he dumped me (or was it just a threat?) and then when I begged him to stay with me, he changed his mind, only for me to realize that I had cheapened myself so much and that he had pushed my boundaries too far beyond my comfort zone, and dump him.

 

Would I go back to him? Well, considering that this happened only yesterday, I am tempted to say yes. I miss him a lot, and I love him so much, and it was this love that made me put up with all the abuse and manipulation. My heart tells me yes, but my head tells me no, but usually in these matters, my heart always wins. :(

 

I don't think I will ever get over him, and I think that I will always be willing to go back to him, if the opportunity presents itself. :(

NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

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Through my experience with break ups the answer i would say is at times in the beginning i would have said yes. Even now after everything I think it would be hard not to entertain the idea BUT. What we long for isn't the person who left, it is what we thought the relationship was, what we hoped it would be and if its less than an 18 month relationship then the chances are you were in love with what you wanted that person to be and hoped it would turn into rather than truly loving the person.

Well said. Although, to be fair, I do long for the good times that we had together. Many relationships that fall apart were never always bad/negative. There are good times and bad times, and it's the good times that you had, or the good parts of the person you were with, that you long for. That, and the person you always fantasized they were or would become.

Consultant Member

Consultant

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Depends on the break, but generally no. Especially if you were blatantly disrespected as was the case in my situation. Additionally it would set the precedent that the ex could just do it again and come back... again. Avoiding "cheapening" yourself is a good way of putting it. Does it suck to still think about your ex after it ends? Of course it does, but it would suck even more by getting back with someone who isn't worth it and more importantly, thinks you are disposable.

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