Over reading the signals?

[b1663r]

Hello all,

 

I am basically 24, in University and has rarely dated or had any relationship. ( i don't count my teenage days of party flings as anything serious at all. they lasted less than 1 month ). I have a heavy work load in school (major if astrophysics and biology) and I am working 2 jobs.

 

Here is the story - I basically had a class which required me to get into groups. There was a girl who was teamed with me and she kept looking and smiling at my direction throughout the discussions and lecture. I might be over-reading but I felt she was just trying to make a connection.

 

I needed to photocopy some textbook stuff so right after class, I asked her if I could. I also promised a "free ride home - as i drove" and also some form of cash to split the cost. She was hesitant, but said okay as we agreed she would also be there when I was photocopying it. She didn't want her books to be smashed or anything. So we agreed to meet 2 days later on the following class.

 

So 2 days later, at the end of the class, I totally forgot I was suppose to do the photocopying, but she waited for me and reminded me. So it was a great. We had loads of things in common and she was very curious about me, in a friendly way. While heading to the prints, she was concerned about the time it would take as she had to go. So I made it fast with the printing but still we kept chatting all the way.

 

Right after the printing, she asked if I was still gonna give her that free lift jokingly and said it wasn't necessary, but I insisted I could since it wasn't out of the way at all. In the car 10% in our journey I asked if she wanted to have some lunch, and we did. Felt really nice, had a good connection and conversations flowed effortlessly. I paid for the meal and insisted to walk her to her apartment, as the car was parked somewhere else.

 

Once at her place, she said she would invite me up but it was too messy. So i quickly changed the subject, cause it wasn't my intention AT ALL. She asked for my number and she said she'd text me.

 

Before I proceed, the reason I wasn't really super forward or expecting anything is because she seems like a person way beyond my league appearance wise! I am a below average looking person and she's probably have guys always hanging around her! Hence my lack of pursuit - but we both were connecting on an intellectual level.

 

So, I received her message the same day of the lunch, print etc. And I decided to balls up and ask to watch a movie with me. I called her and said I had 2-4 movie tickets free! (which I do). But her response was "yeah Sure! But ill check if my friends has any parties on Friday?" This kinda made me confused if she was going to invite her friends along - or check if she was free. The phone reception was bad plus I was overly nervous beyond belief. But the response was positive - a Yes.

 

So to confirm I texted her, casually saying we can catch that movie anytime tomorrow or whenever she likes. And no reply till today yet.

 

So my question after this long explanation is that am I over analyzing? Throughout the night I kept thinking of her! And its really bugging me to have such a "crush" or "infatuation" to some readings that was very positive from a very pretty girl! Also I am assuming that she is single, through conversations she states she was "alone" while her room-mate and boyfriend hangs out.

 

How should I approach this? Just play it cool and get to know her in classes (we have a couple together)and totally ignore it if she doesn't call to watch the movie. Or should i wait till the day ends around 6 usually and give her a call again (today), to check of her confirmation on (yesterday)? Or should i just say hey I like you alot lets date? Hahah! I also do not wish to be in the friend-zone in the longest time and lose this opportunity.

 

Thank you for reading.

I hope the story would explain it. It might seem like a casual crush or anything, but I haven't had much of such experiences and do not know how to read the signs or if I am reading it wrong. I have let many opportunity with relationships pass due to not pursuing it!

 

B1-66er

[strongnrelaxed]

First of all congratulations. Despite my disgust for my own male weakness when it comes to women, I do believe that there are just a few small benefits. Perhaps that's why their allure is so powerful. So enjoy this buzzy feeling while you have it.

 

You are reading her signs correctly. Remember this - and this holds true for both men and women - just because she is willing to have sex with you or wants to, does not mean that she necessarily will have sex with you.

 

These are just the beginning signals.

 

If you are the shy type, she will have to work harder to give you stronger signals if she wants you badly enough. If she has to work too hard, she will likely eventually resent you for it and either leave you or cheat.

 

If you step up in a strong confident way and just make the connection happen, you will be good with her as long as you maintain this position.

 

Good luck.

[b1663r]

Thanks StrongnRelaxed,

 

Well alittle update. I manage to get a movie with her, but it was real fast and she did mention before meeting that she had prior activities after 9 with her girlfriends. Though i tried changing the day, she insisted we watch it today. So slotted a timing, picked her up, I was nervous, but solid conversations, with her even mentioning of me taking her to places i mentioned which were good.. and also she said she would pay the next stuff when i insisted ill pay for today... so right after movie sent her home, was awkward pause i didn't do anything, no suggestion of a kiss or anything, though she just said goodbye in a normal fashion.

 

I texted her after saying thanks for the movie. she replied "it was fun ( regarding the movie outing) said good night...

 

so now, its a friday. i dont want to smother her, since we met up 2 days straight! neither do i want to be in the friend ZONE. Though both our course load for universities are really heavy, its possible to see us having conflicting ideas of dating due to it.

 

so rather confused. really like her, don't want to be in the friend zone. ( i now understand strongnrelaxed's point on sex signs, which I really never bothered as I thought the best approach was FRIEND -> GIRLFRIEND. The long process.

[Teknoe]

just my 2 cents... movies are BAD DATES! The whole point of going out 1 on 1 with a girl you like is to talk with her. You can't do that during a movie.

[b1663r]

i think its over now. hahah.

she texted me what i was up to and mentioned she was sick and needed a nap.

 

i said i can swing by make her some tea since i'm going by near by from work.

got the "thats sweet, but ".. so basically other plans. FRIENDZONE....sucks happens all the time, what am i doing wrong?! I don't even feel like replying to it now...

[Teknoe]

i think its over now. hahah.

she texted me what i was up to and mentioned she was sick and needed a nap.

 

i said i can swing by make her some tea since i'm going by near by from work.

got the "thats sweet, but ".. so basically other plans. FRIENDZONE....sucks happens all the time, what am i doing wrong?! I don't even feel like replying to it now...

 

That's tough man... a couple thoughts here.

 

1. Seems like she initiated the text with you, unless you texted her prior? If she initiated, I can see why you offered to swing by

 

2. You might have been better off saying "get well soon! enjoy your nap." Offering to come by and make tea was bold, but perhaps too much given the circumstances. She did say she was going to take a nap. To me, that means "leave her be and let the woman rest"

 

3. You should not be so quick to say "I don't even feel like replying to it now..." as continued support will show her you are after more than in her pants.

 

Of course, it's all your call as to what to do.

[b1663r]

hey Teknoe,

 

thanks for responding.

 

basically i initiated late this afternoon (2+) saying its a great day and asking whats her plans beside studying. in an hour she replies the feeling sick and taking a nap. i was really busy so i took about 5-6ish i replied i was swinging by town and i should swing by and make her some healing tea. she replied immediately the sweet thing and that she had a prior arrangment with her girl buddies way before hand.

 

so no its 9ish i simply reply, have a fun time and get well and see her in class. (despite tomorrow is sunday).

 

im really confused to the pacing of this. I read and from prior experience, that you get categorized into the damn FriendZone very easily if you do not act. so far i had only great conversations, good future prospects talks, great eye contact but not much physicality only slight closeness - after all this is the 3rd day of meeting.

 

so im unsure. i think i will just leave this as it is, and lower my hopes and just be casual about it, and maybe proposing a "date - officially, when the time is right - somewhere in the following thursday..or something after class.

 

again i cant tell if its just super friendliness or actual attraction.

[Teknoe]

basically i initiated late this afternoon (2+) saying its a great day and asking whats her plans beside studying. in an hour she replies the feeling sick and taking a nap.

 

 

I think you got your answer right there.

 

Bad move on your part IMO to offer to swing by after you initiated and she replied she was sick and gonna take a nap.

 

If she initiated, it would have been different.

 

But don't fret... it happened and it's in the past. Just move on.

[b1663r]

well i don't think its entirely over. i prefer looking it at the positive side. she didn't totally freaked at that offer so its all good... plus, at least now she kinda gets the hint i am liking her more than just a friend.

 

thanks for the advice and moral boosters. i guess thats what online forums are for, self assurance...

[nonexistent]

Honestly, you're pushing too far too fast. Give her space, honestly... just ignore her. You said you're busy with school and 2 jobs, so "act" like it. You have to find a way for her to keep wanting you without feeling like she's getting too much of you. In this case, since you always offer yourself, she'll get that "smothered" feeling and want some distance.

 

And as mentioned, movies are bad. First dates(I don't think yours counted as one) should be limited to actually going out somewhere fun and where you can talk. Usually you can both go do something neither of you have done so you gauge how she is and vice versa (is she open to trying things/closed minded?).

 

I understand the choices you made. I used to make those too. You honestly did put yourself in the friend zone. One way to rebound is well... find another female that you can be friends with. You're not using anyone here, but girls just like guys, are competitive and she will sense that well, you must have some interesting qualities if you can befriend another female not so long after taking her "out". The other way is well, redeem yourself by distancing yourself. Either way, make her come to you. It's good to be a nice guy, but you'll definitely end up falling down the list until they wake up that they want nice guys.

 

Good luck and I hope everything works out!

[b1663r]

Hey Nonexistent,

 

Yes, I too think I went too fast. Today I found she is rather Flaky and I am totally over it and moving on. So she did initiate a text the following day after her party thing asking some question for class. Instead of sms I just called. I prefer calling oppose to texting. So spoke and said I'll get back to her. So at the end of the day, she did say yes to coffee for the evening, then changed her mind as she felt she has tons of work - but agreed on meeting next day after school to do some reading.

 

So come today, I met with her, took her someone nice, as she wasn't feeling well and discussed some reading rather fast. Anyways, she was in quite a foul mood with being sick and tired? So drove her home, she insisted i didn't have to walk her to the door. So i wanted to ask for a date, hence I went for the subtle doing anything next few days? Says no, then yes for the weekends. So i said can I take you our for date one of those days. She said might be tight on schedule, so i pop the are you seeing anyone question. She was super flaky about this saying "kinda and sorta". So I said its cool, see her in class then. Drove off.

 

So I am glad I did pursued fast, instead of dragging into that friendzone then realize I was REALLY IN THE FRIENDZONE. I guess being the age of 20-25 in University Setting, the dating scenes are such. Either its just a fling or its a quick intense moment seized by asking for a date. Get answers if they are single or not fast and then pursue.

 

I am just moving forward, giving a positive vibe. And being open and responsive to anyone and anywhere. I am making more opportunities to meet more people. So making myself less involved in work and more to LIFE.

 

I have also concluded that men growing up with women in their lives majority of the time, tend to be TOO comfortable around women and do not really seek the chase. They tend to be romantic and nice guys who has been concluded to finish last. So being nice, but aggressive when it comes to knowing who is available or not is vital. So less time wasting brooding/over-thinking and more time meeting and exploring!

 

Thanks for the advice and I am learning!

[todreaminblue]

That's tough man... a couple thoughts here.

 

1. Seems like she initiated the text with you, unless you texted her prior? If she initiated, I can see why you offered to swing by

 

2. You might have been better off saying "get well soon! enjoy your nap." Offering to come by and make tea was bold, but perhaps too much given the circumstances. She did say she was going to take a nap. To me, that means "leave her be and let the woman rest"

 

3. You should not be so quick to say "I don't even feel like replying to it now..." as continued support will show her you are after more than in her pants.

 

Of course, it's all your call as to what to do.

 

 

i hate sleeping during the day but if i have to have a nap i have to have one and normally it is extreme tiredness mentally drained......lack of sleep th enight before.....if someone says they are coming over i have a shower so i can wake my self up and i dont go for a nap....so i if tell someone i have to ....its a case of my eyes are shut while i am talking to you on the phone i also get awakened up while napping to talk on the phone....end of nap... i go crazy a little bit in the head until i get to sleep ....I dont think the poster should not text her........i think you might have a point.......in my opinion going on my own experiences lol regarding napping.....deb