Mrlonelyone Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 ]Lost Love: Guess Who's Back?[/b] Old flames still smolder, especially when they're early love affairs. By Pamela Weintraub, published on July 01, 2006 - last reviewed on June 08, 2012 It's very interesting. Apparently early loves, late teens though the 20's influence how we think about latter loves. They set the tone for our love life. The power these have comes from the brain chemistry involved. Those reunited with a first or early love after years are "simultaneously bombarded with the giddy, explosive, highly sexual but ephemeral chemicals of new love coupled with the profoundly satisfying, deeply relaxing chemicals of long-term love," says Kalish. "They are able to tap all that again only with the lost lover, with whom the bond was formed." wow. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Strikes me as generally accurate, and probably goes a long way towards explaining the large numbers of affairs, even decades down the line, that start off with reconnections on Facebook. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
yessy21 Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Please tell me more. i find this very interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 (edited) The link goes into great depths. For me it explains why my mind keeps coming back to this one person from years ago. We got together young, went in different directions for some years and got back together for a while. That quote describes how it felt. I have felt for many others since then, but nothing felt quite as nice as finding someone I feared lost. The last time I tried contacting her she had something new and serious and I had something new, it was heart wrenching. Edited September 14, 2012 by Mrlonelyone 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mint Sauce Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 the statistics are also intriguing: - 2nd marriage divorce rate after 5yrs: usually 25% - (re-)marriage with 1st love divorce rate after 4yrs: 1.5% Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 I wonder how this relates to people that met young and married young. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted September 15, 2012 Author Share Posted September 15, 2012 The one couple I know that meets that definition has been married for 14 or 15 years now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted September 15, 2012 Author Share Posted September 15, 2012 The URL didn't post right. http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200606/lost-love-guess-whos-back?page=1 Yeah basically this article says it all. The flip side is when your long lost love isn't free in every way. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 This sounds more like trying to rekindle the past. Nothing worse for someone to plow the field while staring behind them. I don't have any feelings for my first true love other than semantics. It's long gone and over with and though she was single at some point (Curse you, FaceBook!), it doesn't mean I want to go down that road again. Don't disagree that some of those old feelings can and do come back, I just think they'll flame out just as hard... Link to post Share on other sites
andrew-bkk Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 This sounds more like trying to rekindle the past. Nothing worse for someone to plow the field while staring behind them. I don't have any feelings for my first true love other than semantics. It's long gone and over with and though she was single at some point (Curse you, FaceBook!), it doesn't mean I want to go down that road again. Don't disagree that some of those old feelings can and do come back, I just think they'll flame out just as hard... Another good post. Some guys on this forum just need to move on. It's not easy, but obsessing over ancient history is horribly wrong. If it was never meant to be, it was never to be. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 Strikes me as generally accurate, and probably goes a long way towards explaining the large numbers of affairs, even decades down the line, that start off with reconnections on Facebook. Yep. One of my mother's friends was married for many years. Had a daughter, one day her husband signed up on Facebook, met the old high school girlfriend, began an affair, and just like that, threw out a marriage, threw out his daughter and is now with his old high school girlfriend. Both disgusting and interesting because if this is true, everyone is just asking to be cheated on. Link to post Share on other sites
Gulf-Delta Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 This sounds more like trying to rekindle the past. Nothing worse for someone to plow the field while staring behind them. I don't have any feelings for my first true love other than semantics. It's long gone and over with and though she was single at some point (Curse you, FaceBook!), it doesn't mean I want to go down that road again. Don't disagree that some of those old feelings can and do come back, I just think they'll flame out just as hard... It must be such a bummer to live in such a dark, sad world. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 It must be such a bummer to live in such a dark, sad world. Especially if this OPs relationship ended due to an unhealthy relationship. There are a lot of things he left out. Most important being: "Most of the people Kalish met during her earliest research had been separated by circumstance: long distances and family moves, stints in the military, disapproving parents, the uncertainty of youth. The lost lovers felt their separation had been unjust, and now they finally had the chance to set things right." I'd say this excludes about 85% of us LS'ers who's relationships have ended due to infidelities, disrespect, abuse; emotional/physical or otherwise. I hope no one takes this article and harbors hope because of it. If you were in a bad relationship, stay out of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gulf-Delta Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 Especially if this OPs relationship ended due to an unhealthy relationship. There are a lot of things he left out. Most important being: "Most of the people Kalish met during her earliest research had been separated by circumstance: long distances and family moves, stints in the military, disapproving parents, the uncertainty of youth. The lost lovers felt their separation had been unjust, and now they finally had the chance to set things right." I'd say this excludes about 85% of us LS'ers who's relationships have ended due to infidelities, disrespect, abuse; emotional/physical or otherwise. I hope no one takes this article and harbors hope because of it. If you were in a bad relationship, stay out of it. Well, I actually meant, most of the posters here are so gloom and doom about everything, and I meant I pity them. To basically think love doesn't exist...I don't know how someone can live like that. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 ]Lost Love: Guess Who's Back?[/b] Old flames still smolder, especially when they're early love affairs. By Pamela Weintraub, published on July 01, 2006 - last reviewed on June 08, 2012 It's very interesting. Apparently early loves, late teens though the 20's influence how we think about latter loves. They set the tone for our love life. The power these have comes from the brain chemistry involved. wow. FIRE. True your post, here is what i believe the most Old flames smoulder, some die as they get older, then along comes a new spark, a different kind of flame,a different light in the dark, it grows through whispered dreams and words, to become the brightest flame from ashes comes the phoenix bird, its the bird that does soar and fly, among a new lovers sigh, some time old flames are meant to die, in all the tears extinguished that were cried, i softly blow on new embers, in poetry written in 2012 september, ashes from another fire long gone, a new flame is now in my song, with the breath i softly blow, in hope the new flame may one day know, my ashes have been swept, and a flame for him in my heart now lept, whether or not i crash and burn, from old flames i have had to learn, how to tend that fire, and always a poet i am but not a liar..N....deborah here is a bit of poetry brain chemistry with no link.....but it is an original ..just wrote it.SO excuse the incorrect grammar this is not a science experiment of mine though it is heart felt.deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted September 18, 2012 Author Share Posted September 18, 2012 Especially if this OPs relationship ended due to an unhealthy relationship. There are a lot of things he left out. Well I am the OP. That particular relationship ended last due mostly to two sets of intolerant families. One that objects for reasons of "culture" read race. Another who objects for reasons of "compatability" read age..and thinking a certain age gap should exist. One family willing to give it a shot, the other taking their woman and disappearing for years. We have reconnected since and never been simultaneously Interested, Available and, In communications. If those three things had ever been true of both of us at the same time we would probably date again. There is a certain basic level of connection, but all these other more sociological factors aren't quite right. Just recently I met a promising new prospect. Not getting my hopes up but I would really like to make a go of it with this new person. I want to make new memories and live new moments not forget. Link to post Share on other sites
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