OW or WH telling you the truth??

[BetrayedH]

 

 

 

 

And I would add although it won't let me edit ten minutes later!!

 

Saurons wife is probably aware but is happy to keep the money and the house in tact.

 

Just for the record, MM has not stopped contact with me although we don't know what our relationship is right now, i am sure she needs to know that too. But i won't be telling her, I no longer care what she believes and she has not contacted me to find out..

 

Wanting More, please PM me we are going though the same thing

 

I have little faith that Sauron's wife "probably" knows anything. He once told her (what, 7 years ago?) that if she didn't meet his needs, he would get them met elsewhere. That's hardly full disclosure. We all say some pretty mean things when we're angry. Once we move past the argument, most of us figure that our partner hardly meant everything they said. I hardly think she realizes that her H better be wearing two condoms before she comes within 10 feet of him after what has probably now appeared as 7 years of a happy marriage. Let's also not forget that he's an established liar by his own admission. His OW doesn't know that there are even more other women. He's lying to all of them and just writes it off as them being "naive" like all the rest of us "naive" people that trust what someone says to us after they proclaim their love for us.

 

I don't much care to argue Sauron's case on this thread (and I don't mean to argue with you at all, J'Adore) but I hardly think he's a credible person for anyone to take advice on karma or as an example of honesty making it ok to wash their hands of a gaslighted BS.

[mercy]

 

 

 

 

And I would add although it won't let me edit ten minutes later!!

 

Saurons wife is probably aware but is happy to keep the money and the house in tact.

 

Just for the record, MM has not stopped contact with me although we don't know what our relationship is right now, i am sure she needs to know that too. But i won't be telling her, I no longer care what she believes and she has not contacted me to find out..

 

Wanting More, please PM me we are going though the same thing

 

I don't think your stories are the same. wanting more is trying to do the right thing. In the right way. Confronting a bw at a party where her children are isn't the time or place.

 

If I were you I would have pressed charges, not contemplating whether you will see him again.

[ThatJustHappened]

If the bs used an ounce of common sense they'd know the ws was lying. My mm has been lying through omission for years but has been lying left right and centre since dday. Eventually the truth will come out, I just don't know when. It's not my job to be honest with his wife, it's his!

 

Yep..keep blaming the BS..it was all her fault for meeting him and making him fall in love with her before he met you. What an evil b!tch!

[Sauron]

Sauron, you're just nervous that your master plan to smooth things over when your Dday happens ain't gonna be so smooth. As it turns out, women's feelings do get hurt and you're not going to be able to count on the benevolence of your OW to protect your ass because if anyone should be watching out for karma, it's you. You're extracting a pound of flesh from several women at once and just hoping that something keeps their mouths shut for what? For you? Hope you've got a swiss bank account and the keys to your yacht at the ready. Wantingmore got played by someone like you and now she sees that the BW is still being played by the same guy. Good for her for righting her wrongs.

 

Not nervous at all. And while I have no yacht, I do have a contingency plan and plenty of resources put away, not doing so would not be smart for a man in my situation. I am very in tune with the female emotional mind, unlike some other men on here. And I am not extracting anything that they are not willingly providing. That's the difference between being a manipulator and a good partner to my women. We all are getting everything we need BH. I know that's a difficult concept for you to understand. I am not like Wanting's MM, I never made a committment I couldn't keep to my OW, never promised I would leave my marriage for her and probably treat her better than any of her husbands, according to her. The OOW I only see 3 or 4 times a year, she is more a FWB kind of situation. The PROBLEM with wantingmore's situation is the bitter vindicative nature and revenege you all want her to employ against her MM. His wife won't give a **** after it all comes out, and at the end of the day isn't it MM and his wifes situation to resolve. Anyway you look at it wanting is going to come off looking bad. MM will smooth it over with his wife, she will forgive and they will both hate wanting. Many of you are so scarred from your expierences you can't see the situation clearly.

[Sauron]

I have little faith that Sauron's wife "probably" knows anything. He once told her (what, 7 years ago?) that if she didn't meet his needs, he would get them met elsewhere. That's hardly full disclosure. We all say some pretty mean things when we're angry. Once we move past the argument, most of us figure that our partner hardly meant everything they said. I hardly think she realizes that her H better be wearing two condoms before she comes within 10 feet of him after what has probably now appeared as 7 years of a happy marriage. Let's also not forget that he's an established liar by his own admission. His OW doesn't know that there are even more other women. He's lying to all of them and just writes it off as them being "naive" like all the rest of us "naive" people that trust what someone says to us after they proclaim their love for us.

 

I don't much care to argue Sauron's case on this thread (and I don't mean to argue with you at all, J'Adore) but I hardly think he's a credible person for anyone to take advice on karma or as an example of honesty making it ok to wash their hands of a gaslighted BS.

 

My problems have been going on much longer than 7 years. And BH what gives you any more credibility? Your marriage blew up because you couldn't keep your wife happy and divorced her, so now you have credibility? And all the bitterness and vindicativeness emits out of you and your now the defender of all BS, I see. Perhaps you feel envious because I manage to keep 3 women happy. Every situation is different, wanting more's is, mine is and your's was. We are all happy, if she knows or suspects she never mentions it, she has the big house, the new cars, and life style she loves, same with OW- happiness for all. Good luck wanting more, my suggestion is to remove yourself from all the drama with MM and the other side of his life, it is a no win situation for you even you give her reams of evidence and data. Good luck to you.

[wanting more]

I sent it. I don't feel relieved, good, ok. I feel bad, hurt and I'm sad. I've hurt her again and here I sit here crying. And I'm crying for myself. I'll go back over to the "other" side because no matter what guilt I feel I know I'm still the OW. And right now I'm hurting because I'm the OW. I believed his lies. I was really happy with him. I do miss the "idea" of him. Not him!! I still come into work and look at my phone remembering how he'd leave me voicemails so I'd hear his voice 1st thing in the morning. I hate that I have these feelings of hatred to someone I did love. I know I let myself stay involved with him and I take that responsibility but I also know I said to him many times please don't lead me on, I'm in this and I'm in this with all my Whole heart. He told me what he had to keep me where I was. He is a sorry shi*, a lying cheating spineless man. I never knew I could feel this bad towards him but I do know what he really is.

[Ninja'sHusband]

I sent it. I don't feel relieved, good, ok. I feel bad, hurt and I'm sad. I've hurt her again and here I sit here crying. And I'm crying for myself. I'll go back over to the "other" side because no matter what guilt I feel I know I'm still the OW. And right now I'm hurting because I'm the OW. I believed his lies. I was really happy with him. I do miss the "idea" of him. Not him!! I still come into work and look at my phone remembering how he'd leave me voicemails so I'd hear his voice 1st thing in the morning. I hate that I have these feelings of hatred to someone I did love. I know I let myself stay involved with him and I take that responsibility but I also know I said to him many times please don't lead me on, I'm in this and I'm in this with all my Whole heart. He told me what he had to keep me where I was. He is a sorry shi*, a lying cheating spineless man. I never knew I could feel this bad towards him but I do know what he really is.

 

That's gotta suck. I'm so sorry. I think you've done all you can now though and you can try to recover and take care of yourself. It'll get better. Keep going.

[AnotherRound]

I sent it. I don't feel relieved, good, ok. I feel bad, hurt and I'm sad. I've hurt her again and here I sit here crying. And I'm crying for myself. I'll go back over to the "other" side because no matter what guilt I feel I know I'm still the OW. And right now I'm hurting because I'm the OW. I believed his lies. I was really happy with him. I do miss the "idea" of him. Not him!! I still come into work and look at my phone remembering how he'd leave me voicemails so I'd hear his voice 1st thing in the morning. I hate that I have these feelings of hatred to someone I did love. I know I let myself stay involved with him and I take that responsibility but I also know I said to him many times please don't lead me on, I'm in this and I'm in this with all my Whole heart. He told me what he had to keep me where I was. He is a sorry shi*, a lying cheating spineless man. I never knew I could feel this bad towards him but I do know what he really is.

 

Hang in there, I know it wasn't easy for you to do. And, I'm guessing you are now nervous about the possible repurcussions. Ugh. Sending you healing thoughts...

[BetrayedH]

It wasn't going to be fun, nor was it supposed to be. It was supposed to be an apology and an opportunity to finally give the woman some truth. You didn't hurt her "more" by telling her. She had a knife in her back and she didn't know about it because the MM had her doped up enough not to feel it. She was still bleeding to death. At the end, you did what you could and as much as you hurt and still feel guilt, this one act was an act of kindness and a step in the right direction. I applaud you for doing what few OM/OW would have the courage to do. Now do what you can to put them behind you and focus on you. There are other fish in the sea and this one needed to be thrown back anyway. And yes, in the OM/OW forum are plenty of others who were treated this way by some a-hole MM. You are not alone and there will be more than just one of us "on this side" ready to support you, too.

[Recovering_Wayward]

My AP told my wife (and others) a lot of lies about me and the affair in the aftermath of D-day. Why? because she was furious that I terminated things with her and she wanted to destroy my marital reconciliation and hurt me back in any way she could have.

 

And my wife didn't seek this contact -- the OW got hold of her email address (not from me) and wrote her. It was vile. Horrid. And called our house and tried to talk to her. And harassed me, night and day, in any way she could. It was real "Fatal Attraction" stuff. You can read all about it on my blog.

 

It got so bad that I took her to Court for a restraining order.

 

I'm not sure the AP is a good source for information. They, like most people, have their own agendas and points of view.

[Sauron]

It wasn't going to be fun, nor was it supposed to be. It was supposed to be an apology and an opportunity to finally give the woman some truth. You didn't hurt her "more" by telling her. She had a knife in her back and she didn't know about it because the MM had her doped up enough not to feel it. She was still bleeding to death. At the end, you did what you could and as much as you hurt and still feel guilt, this one act was an act of kindness and a step in the right direction. I applaud you for doing what few OM/OW would have the courage to do. Now do what you can to put them behind you and focus on you. There are other fish in the sea and this one needed to be thrown back anyway. And yes, in the OM/OW forum are plenty of others who were treated this way by some a-hole MM. You are not alone and there will be more than just one of us "on this side" ready to support you, too.

 

 

You sir are a loose cannon and I would hope that this poster realizes that, you wear you bitterness out for all to see, and have zero objectivity. Sad really that you characterize everyone the same way. Probably shoot, ready, aim is your motto. Hope that people that come here really look at the posts by those that so readily know EXACTLY what they should do and pass their judgements generally...and yes some MM are a-holes but they are not the only ones.

[Ninja'sHusband]

My AP told my wife (and others) a lot of lies about me and the affair in the aftermath of D-day. Why? because she was furious that I terminated things with her and she wanted to destroy my marital reconciliation and hurt me back in any way she could have.

 

And my wife didn't seek this contact -- the OW got hold of her email address (not from me) and wrote her. It was vile. Horrid. And called our house and tried to talk to her. And harassed me, night and day, in any way she could. It was real "Fatal Attraction" stuff. You can read all about it on my blog.

 

It got so bad that I took her to Court for a restraining order.

 

I'm not sure the AP is a good source for information. They, like most people, have their own agendas and points of view.

 

This is one of the big reasons it's so important to have proof.

[woinlove]

You sir are a loose cannon and I would hope that this poster realizes that, you wear you bitterness out for all to see, and have zero objectivity. Sad really that you characterize everyone the same way. Probably shoot, ready, aim is your motto. Hope that people that come here really look at the posts by those that so readily know EXACTLY what they should do and pass their judgements generally...and yes some MM are a-holes but they are not the only ones.

 

I wonder if you aren't overly sensitive to criticism of MM because of your own position? The post you refer to was encouraging wanting more to see the positive in being open and honest and to try to put the negative experience behind her. That is a constructive contribution, unlike your response.

[Ninja'sHusband]

You sir are a loose cannon and I would hope that this poster realizes that, you wear you bitterness out for all to see, and have zero objectivity. Sad really that you characterize everyone the same way. Probably shoot, ready, aim is your motto. Hope that people that come here really look at the posts by those that so readily know EXACTLY what they should do and pass their judgements generally...and yes some MM are a-holes but they are not the only ones.

 

Oh Chief Servant of Morgoth, you are a plauge upon this Earth! You are turning your own wife into an invisible wraith and slave of darkness by the ring that she wears on her finger. May she drop it into Cracks of Doom, ending your power and sapping your strength forever. I was thinking of being like Celeborn, hiding in my magical forest and igoring the turmoil you cause in the world around us. Nay, I shal not ignore your growing numbers, I shall ride forth like Olorin of old wielding Flame of Anor against you! YOOOUUU SSHHALLL NOOOOT PAAASSSSSS!!!!

[Sauron]

Not at all WO, as a matter of fact, I posted my opinion here like everyone else mostly did. I have a dissenting opinion to most that post here. As I mentioned to the OP I don't happen to believe that the OW has a role talking to anyone's wife. That relationship is between the H and the OW or the husband and the wife. My personal opinion is its all on the H. The fact that some posters refer to some MM as a-holes is the posters opinion, it's is just a blanket generalization, like me saying some BS are a-holes. I did note the vindictiveness by some its just more noticeable in others. They are very emotional and probably lack maturity and probably why they end up here.

 

This situation where the OW lied to the wife, well her credibility is shot and there is no upside for the OW in this situation, regardless of data or how the situation evolves. The H will fix it and the wife will reconcile like it seems most on her do. The smart thing would have been for her to move on and fix what ever is wrong with her and invest that energy in her, she is obviously not cut out for being a mistress and got overly emotionally invested , but the group here likes the blood to flow. Not everything should be splattered all over everyone.

[woinlove]

Not at all WO, as a matter of fact, I posted my opinion here like everyone else mostly did. I have a dissenting opinion to most that post here. As I mentioned to the OP I don't happen to believe that the OW has a role talking to anyone's wife. That relationship is between the H and the OW or the husband and the wife. My personal opinion is its all on the H. The fact that some posters refer to some MM as a-holes is the posters opinion, it's is just a blanket generalization, like me saying some BS are a-holes. I did note the vindictiveness by some its just more noticeable in others. They are very emotional and probably lack maturity and probably why they end up here.

 

This situation where the OW lied to the wife, well her credibility is shot and there is no upside for the OW in this situation, regardless of data or how the situation evolves. The H will fix it and the wife will reconcile like it seems most on her do. The smart thing would have been for her to move on and fix what ever is wrong with her and invest that energy in her, she is obviously not cut out for being a mistress and got overly emotionally invested , but the group here likes the blood to flow. Not everything should be splattered all over everyone.

 

First, the post you picked out to condemn the poster as bitter and essentially having nothing useful to contribute was giving a perspective which encouraged honesty and openness and not feeling bad about offering that. I think your reaction was off-base and may stem from something negative eating you.

 

I don't agree with your blanket statement that the OW has no role in talking to the BW. I know it suits your purposes to not have any OW talk to your own BW, but you can read posts by BW who were grateful to find out about the A from the OW or to find out more truth about the A. Some were hurt by how that information was conveyed and all (as far as I know) would have preferred that it come from their WH, but the fact is that it DIDN'T come from their WH and they were grateful to have it. Maybe some feel differently, although I haven't seen any posts from BW giving that perspective firsthand.

 

I agree an OW is not likely to be believed in most cases, and so feel there is no one rule to cover this case. My position is the OW can inform the BW of her own actions with the MM if she wishes, but I don't feel she should feel that she has to. She herself may feel she has to if she feels that is the route to ending her role in a deceitful affair. But she may not. If the BW is a close friend or relative of hers, then I would advise disclosing. Otherwise, it depends on the feelings of the OW and the situation, IMO.

[Sauron]

You are quite funny with your claim that BH is a loose cannon and that he has no objectivity. You claim you do. ha ha

 

You sir.........get off on keeping women in the dark. You hide your truth, and you use women as it suits you. You claim you like/love women.........I call bullshtye.

 

 

 

Uhhh I believe that the women use back, and I love all the women in my life, and it takes 2 to have an affair, as in this situation with the OP. If I were an OM (I do not have relationships with married women, to messy and hard to access) but if I did I would clarify the roles and make sure expectation were well understood between me and the OMW. You are just asking for a mess if you don't as in this situation. Apparently this OW didn't ask the right questions or didn't surface the right information, and now she is in a huge mess with no upside.

[Sauron]

First, the post you picked out to condemn the poster as bitter and essentially having nothing useful to contribute was giving a perspective which encouraged honesty and openness and not feeling bad about offering that. I think your reaction was off-base and may stem from something negative eating you.

 

I don't agree with your blanket statement that the OW has no role in talking to the BW. I know it suits your purposes to not have any OW talk to your own BW, but you can read posts by BW who were grateful to find out about the A from the OW or to find out more truth about the A. Some were hurt by how that information was conveyed and all (as far as I know) would have preferred that it come from their WH, but the fact is that it DIDN'T come from their WH and they were grateful to have it. Maybe some feel differently, although I haven't seen any posts from BW giving that perspective firsthand.

 

I agree an OW is not likely to be believed in most cases, and so feel there is no one rule to cover this case. My position is the OW can inform the BW of her own actions with the MM if she wishes, but I don't feel she should feel that she has to. She herself may feel she has to if she feels that is the route to ending her role in a deceitful affair. But she may not. If the BW is a close friend or relative of hers, then I would advise disclosing. Otherwise, it depends on the feelings of the OW and the situation, IMO.

 

I mean, the wife is never going to believe a word this OP says. And as I can attest, the H will make her believe what he wants, and confess to a lesser situation regardless of the data. Anyway, good luck to the poster, my advice is move on and shake it off. Life is a beautiful thing and you are responsible for your own happiness.

[Steen719]

 

I mean, the wife is never going to believe a word this OP says. And as I can attest, the H will make her believe what he wants, and confess to a lesser situation regardless of the data. Anyway, good luck to the poster, my advice is move on and shake it off. Life is a beautiful thing and you are responsible for your own happiness.

 

Nice platitude. Now, tell your wife and actually let her be responsible for her own happiness instead of you making that decision.

 

I promised myself that I would not answer your posts as it seems to please you that people disagree with you, but honestly, what crap; really just what crap!

[mercy]

I sent it. I don't feel relieved, good, ok. I feel bad, hurt and I'm sad. I've hurt her again and here I sit here crying. And I'm crying for myself. I'll go back over to the "other" side because no matter what guilt I feel I know I'm still the OW. And right now I'm hurting because I'm the OW. I believed his lies. I was really happy with him. I do miss the "idea" of him. Not him!! I still come into work and look at my phone remembering how he'd leave me voicemails so I'd hear his voice 1st thing in the morning. I hate that I have these feelings of hatred to someone I did love. I know I let myself stay involved with him and I take that responsibility but I also know I said to him many times please don't lead me on, I'm in this and I'm in this with all my Whole heart. He told me what he had to keep me where I was. He is a sorry shi*, a lying cheating spineless man. I never knew I could feel this bad towards him but I do know what he really is.

 

If the right thing were easy to do more would do it. Taking the easy way out is cowardly. Something you are not.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting. Your letter was thoughtful, kind and truthful. Though she may not appreciate it now she will later. Truth keeps us stuck, lies set us free. She's free to make her own choices now, no longer influenced by lies.

 

I'm here for you. *cyber hug*

[mercy]

Nice platitude. Now, tell your wife and actually let her be responsible for her own happiness instead of you making that decision.

 

I promised myself that I would not answer your posts as it seems to please you that people disagree with you, but honestly, what crap; really just what crap!

 

I feel the same way! Great minds think alike!

[BetrayedH]

You sir are a loose cannon and I would hope that this poster realizes that, you wear you bitterness out for all to see, and have zero objectivity. Sad really that you characterize everyone the same way. Probably shoot, ready, aim is your motto. Hope that people that come here really look at the posts by those that so readily know EXACTLY what they should do and pass their judgements generally...and yes some MM are a-holes but they are not the only ones.

 

Sticks and stones, Sauron. I prefer to argue over the merits of our intellectual positions. I have shown restraint with you by not even bothering to correct your inaccurate statements (such as your claim that I filed for divorce and how that taints my objectivity). The fact is that we spent 7 months trying to reconcile (although we seemed to disagree on what "trying" meant) before she filed for divorce. As for being bitter, I don't have much problem with the label but would only say that I am bitter with and about my STBXW. The rest of my life is good. Most people will indulge the fact that I may be a little bitter. They have much more difficulty with an unremorseful, self-proclaimed serial cheater with at least three OW (to whom he is lying) over the course of 7 years. People take that into account and in this case, the OP is a good example. She spent some energy of this (it's not like it took years to do) and now she can move forward. I'm glad to see that she has taken a hiatus from posting, probably to focus on herself and her healing. She deliberated on the right thing to do and made the decision she felt was right. She apologized, told the truth, and did her best to be sensitive. That means something. Not everyone makes such an effort. This helps both women to heal from a place of authenticity which has been sorely lacking and what really caused this whole situation in the first place. If you're not happy, stand up and have the courage to fix it or split. Anything else is cowardice.

[Sauron]

Nice platitude. Now, tell your wife and actually let her be responsible for her own happiness instead of you making that decision.

 

I promised myself that I would not answer your posts as it seems to please you that people disagree with you, but honestly, what crap; really just what crap!

 

I suppose that there is only one way to think in this forum? And no dissenting opinions are allowed. You all are very biased because of your expierence and some of you your longevity on this site. I am providing an alternative point of view to this poster. She went with the conventional wisdom. It really appears that you do not want any other opinions which lessen the value you are trying to provide.

[Steen719]

I suppose that there is only one way to think in this forum? And no dissenting opinions are allowed. You all are very biased because of your expierence and some of you your longevity on this site. I am providing an alternative point of view to this poster. She went with the conventional wisdom. It really appears that you do not want any other opinions which lessen the value you are trying to provide.

 

Nice platitude. Now, tell your wife and actually let her be responsible for her own happiness instead of you making that decision.

Instead of spewing the same tired crap as you have above, why not respond to what I said. Why not let your wife be responsible for her own happiness.

 

You do not have any idea of what opinions I want or do not want to listen to. You have not listened long enough to see what anyone else wants. You pontificate and puff up and tell us all how you don't like it that we all think the same way and look at your posts. You always say the same thing, always saying you are providing the alternative opinion, but really, when your opinion is always the same, how does that make you any different than anyone else you say have closed minds.

 

Blah blah blah, you think your wife doesn't need to know? Tell her if you have the guts and let's see if she can be responsible for her own happiness. Many people on here have gone through more crap than you can imagine and your constant minimizing of other people's difficulties is demeaning and demoralizing. My 2 cents and I don't care if it doesn't sit well with you. So what?

[Steen719]

OP, I apologize for the t/j.