CIE Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 So a little background information before I start. I'm 28 and my girlfriend is 2 years younger than me. We've been together for just under 11 months. From the start our relationship was off to a rocky start, because of circumstances out of our control. Tragedy struck my family about a month into the relationship with the death of a family member, and a week later I lost my job. I did find another one, but it was part time and I didn't make quite as much, barely just enough to pay the bills. You could say the honeymoon phase of our relationship was cut short. We live in a small condo that I own. I haven't felt quite as attracted to her in the past few months. We used to have sex on a daily basis and now both her and I seem to be lacking the energy to have it 2-3 times a week. She doesn't like the TV shows I like, calling them dumb even though they are TV shows I grew up with as a kid, yet when she tells me about her shows we always end up watching them. Basically, everything seems to be hard to accomplish. It almost feels like I'm living with a roommate and not a girlfriend. We get along well, we do argue but we always talk things through. Is this a sign that our relationship is circling the drain? What do you guys think?
TopCat22 Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Firstly, really sorry to hear your story. It does sound like you had a tough start to the relationship. It's tough to know what to say here as I think we'd need more details. The honeymoon stage always wears off, so that's not so much of a worry. Do you find the two of you are well matched? A difference in taste of TV shows shouldn't matter. Do you do other stuff together? You need to ask yourself if you love this girl. What do you feel is missing from your relationship? If you can answer that then you might be on your way to deciding if it can be fixed or not...
Author CIE Posted September 14, 2012 Author Posted September 14, 2012 The well matched part is what I am not sure about. The TV show example was just one of many things that bug me. In the end I don't mind her not liking the same TV shows, but I just feel that if I should be willing to watch through her shows to please her, she should make an effort to watch mine. Another example is values. She has a good set of them, and then again so do I, but our views on certain issues widely differ. She is unwavering with them as well, where I tend to be more flexible. I feel like I have to tiptoe around when we discuss these things as she will get upset and treat me like an idiot if our views are fundamentally different. I agree with her most of the time on principle, but in practice I just feel like her values aren't feasible. Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect either, but shouldn't I look for someone who has similar values and interest. Do I love her? Yes, I'm just not sure if I'm ready to spend my life having to do all the compromise all the time... What I want is not to feel like an idiot because of the values I have and not feel like she is taking over who I am.
TopCat22 Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Why should you compromise? Why are you afraid to have a different opinion from her? You may not agree but she will respect you more for having your own opinion. Only you can decide if it's important to share the exact same values. If that's what you want then perhaps you need to think seriously about the RS, but I don't see it as a deal-breaker. I made the mistake of being a doormat in my RS, don't do the same. Stand up for what you want. She may not agree, but she will respect you and that mutual respect will help the RS.
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