Lovers to friends to friends with benefits to lovers to marriage. Is it possible?

[ramonah]

Since this story is a mix up of a bit of everything I didn't really know what thread to put it in, but it probably sounds more like second chances than anything else.

 

To start with the very beginning, me and the guy I share the story with were together for 8 years and lived together for 6. This was between the age of 17 and 25 for both of us. We were each other's first real love, first long relationship and also first intimate relationship. From the start and right until the end the chemistry was great but as the age shows we started early and we kind of rushed into things. But maybe that's not such a bad thing after all.

 

Well.. About 4 months ago I started having trouble with college. I was working 24/7, barely sleeping, I didn't have time for myself and of course, for him either and things started to crack a bit. We started to grow a bit apart. He also had trouble with his job, just getting out of college and finding the first job is not easy at all. Some frustrations started to appear and we both saw we were drifting apart and we both refused to accept it so we talked about it.

 

The first frustration was somehow about sex, even if sex was absolutely great between us, it was still that "I wonder how it is with others" factor. Although he repeatedly said I ruined porn for him, because he now watches porn laughing and saying it's like the movie about our sex life but with very bad acting.

 

The second frustration was about money/job. We lived in my house, driving my car, my motorcycle, I was always making more money than him even through college and his ego couldn't really get over that even if I never said anything about it and never acted bad on it.

 

The conclusion in the end was that we should take a break and put our lives in order, not only from the college/job point of view, but maybe try seeing other people to see if we were really that into each other or it was really a sense of attachment and routine and we were just used to being with each other. Globally we agreed on a break to do things we didn't do while we were together and would have done if we weren't.

 

We did that for about 2 months, in the meantime being probably the best friends ever, even closer than before as far as talking to each other and listening. He met a few girls, I met a few guys, but we both found out that even if some things were different, maybe better, maybe worse, nothing is really globally better than being with each other. That's the "meeting others" part that was somehow solved but since we both still had some issues with the college/job part of our lives we decided to push the break further and see were it gets us, try even more. But one night we got a bit drunk and we had sex and it was as great as ever. The next day we agreed on being friends with benefits, as in meeting once in a while for talk and maybe sex if we felt like it.

 

We did that for another 2 months and everything was great. But that's when things in my head started to lose all logic.. One day he just said to me that he wants to leave and work either in another city or another country, but he still wants to meet like this, even if maybe more rarely because of the distance. He said he still talks and keeps a slight contact with other girls, as I also did with other guys, but he still can't and won't let anyone else in his heart. And that's when he blew my mind.. He said he wants to marry me because he sees the mother of his babies in me. And he just needs this time to go and make a life for himself, make some money, maybe spend it stupidly, do silly things, dangerous things (mainly get his own motorcycle because we shared mine), and then after he gets all of those things out of his system he'll be back to be with me, take care of me and build the great life that we talked about when we were together.

 

Now things are great. Although I know he sometimes flirts with other girls he says he loves me and I believe him. I also see the man I want to spend the rest of my life with in him, but I also know he needs this time for himself, or he'll never be the man he wants to be.

 

We both sometimes talk about it and say we're either both crazy or the rest of the world is.. We want this and it doesn't seem impossible.

 

How does it look from the outside?

[WhatYouWantToHear]

Looks like you are at the top his 'To Marry' list. Of course he's still scouting talent so that could change. And who knows when he will want to marry if ever. But your at top of that list nonetheless.

 

I say you have a 33% chance of marrying this guy within 5 years. I'll accept bets up to $100 US, message me.

[TaraMaiden]

I daren't tell you how it looks from the outside......

 

You've basically given him carte blanche to go round hooking up with whomever he wants (and goodness knows how many inner thighs he will visit in the process....) and then come back to you when he feels he's done....

 

Is that really OK with you?

 

Really?

 

Because I'm getting the feeling it isn't.

[ramonah]

Yeah it's really ok because we talked about it and I want that for me too. Although in theory we are sure we won't get better we just wanna get it done It's maybe like an arrogance to others and a chance to prove 100% that we're fit. Especially since he said he'll keep some of the stuff we did only between us two and not do it with others and asked me if I could do the same.

 

And to be honest it's a strange thought maybe but I wish he would try a lot of women because when he'll come back and call me his "number one" I'll feel even better than him calling me his "only" and living with the "what if" much further. And he said the same, that he'll feel even closer to me and even better if I know for sure he's my number one and not my only. I can see the ego boost in that and it goes both ways really.

 

I can understand the carte blanche thing but remember I have it too..

Edited September 14, 2012 by ramonah

[ramonah]

WhatYouWantToHear thanks for the 33% and for the 5 years. Although the bet might be solved quicker since we even set a date in 2 years. But hey, yeah.. anything could happen and I know it. Although at the end of every call and every conversation that we have at least once a day he says "Trust me. I love you. Never forget."

 

Yeah maybe he just doesn't wanna lose me as a main choice and not the only choice, but is that really a bad place to be?