Ririnn Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 How to stop it? I'm pressuring myself, pittying myself, for not having an amazing body. Like a super star. I feel anger and hatred about myself. Like constantly. Thin with great rack and back. I feel no body will ever want me if I'm not at least physically perfect...
WhatYouWantToHear Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 For me, you worrying about being unattractive is the most unattractive thing about you. You should use your vainity to your advantage in overcoming this. Instead of worrying about how attractive others think you are, worry about how vain others think you are. Then do things that make it seem your not so vain. And guess what, hotness has a shelf life. Suppose through hard work, plastic surgery and pills you get to be a perfect 10. Then what? I can guarantee you it won't be enough. Everyday you'd be looking for hours at end in the mirror wondering if you were getting crows feet or gray hairs or if your boobs started to be not so perky. Read a book, study a subject, get a hobby. Become a more overal attractive person by not worrying so much about how physically attractive you are. 2
BloomManifesto Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Hi Ririnn, It's hard not to think that way, I know it. I've talked to alot of people who have dealt with it, and I even went through it myself. First, you have to realize that no one is perfect, and those people with the tone bodies usually work really hard for them. But that doesn't mean that no one will ever be attracted to you. Instead of thinking in terms of how you look, think about who you are. When I was younger I wanted to date beautiful women, now I want to date woman who I can make laugh and who I have something to talk about with. The older you get, the more people will care about looks. Why not look for that guy with a not perfect body but with a great personality. Common interests are way more important in a relationship than looks. Your looks aren't going to strike up conversation over the breakfast table. Love yourself for you are, it's the only you there is. 1
Author Ririnn Posted September 15, 2012 Author Posted September 15, 2012 Hi Ririnn, It's hard not to think that way, I know it. I've talked to alot of people who have dealt with it, and I even went through it myself. First, you have to realize that no one is perfect, and those people with the tone bodies usually work really hard for them. But that doesn't mean that no one will ever be attracted to you. Instead of thinking in terms of how you look, think about who you are. When I was younger I wanted to date beautiful women, now I want to date woman who I can make laugh and who I have something to talk about with. The older you get, the more people will care about looks. Why not look for that guy with a not perfect body but with a great personality. Common interests are way more important in a relationship than looks. Your looks aren't going to strike up conversation over the breakfast table. Love yourself for you are, it's the only you there is. But people are just so shallow :( All they care about is how someone looks... They will all get distracted when a hot girl/boy passes by...
Nikki Sahagin Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 (edited) You need to reign this in and bring in some perspective. Consider these things: * STUNNING models with flawless figures can be cheated on, and often have the lowest self-esteem of all because the standard they are held to is so high and their living is centred on their appearance * Look at the people around you in relationships. Most of them will not be physically perfect * Beauty is subjective. We might be being indoctrinated with a one way view of beauty, but what one person sees in another is not what everyone sees * The inside illuminates much of the outside. A beautiful person can be boring, cruel, nasty, selfish or any other qualities which makes them horrible to be around. A more 'average' beauty can be interesting, funny, kind, accommodating and become much more 'beautiful' because of this * NO-ONES beauty lasts. We all age and beauty fades. You have to see yourself as meaning more than how you look or you will feel hurt * Lust is physical. Love is not. It is important to be happy in our looks and also important for our partner to like us, but no one will love you purely because you are physically perfect. * Your preoccupation with the outside is probably more revealing of how you feel on the inside i.e. you feel undeserving of love in some way * Remember love is not guaranteed no matter how beautiful a person may or may not be Edited September 15, 2012 by Nikki Sahagin 1
Author Ririnn Posted September 15, 2012 Author Posted September 15, 2012 You need to reign this in and bring in some perspective. Consider these things: * STUNNING models with flawless figures can be cheated on, and often have the lowest self-esteem of all because the standard they are held to is so high and their living is centred on their appearance * Look at the people around you in relationships. Most of them will not be physically perfect * Beauty is subjective. We might be being indoctrinated with a one way view of beauty, but what one person sees in another is not what everyone sees * The inside illuminates much of the outside. A beautiful person can be boring, cruel, nasty, selfish or any other qualities which makes them horrible to be around. A more 'average' beauty can be interesting, funny, kind, accommodating and become much more 'beautiful' because of this * NO-ONES beauty lasts. We all age and beauty fades. You have to see yourself as meaning more than how you look or you will feel hurt * Lust is physical. Love is not. It is important to be happy in our looks and also important for our partner to like us, but no one will love you purely because you are physically perfect. * Your preoccupation with the outside is probably more revealing of how you feel on the inside i.e. you feel undeserving of love in some way * Remember love is not guaranteed no matter how beautiful a person may or may not be Awesome answer.
MonsterMash Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 (edited) How to stop it? I'm pressuring myself, pittying myself, for not having an amazing body. Like a super star. I feel anger and hatred about myself. Like constantly. Thin with great rack and back. I feel no body will ever want me if I'm not at least physically perfect... Think about this and take it to heart. You think about yourself enough that you want to be the best you can be. Thats a good thing. Just don't obsess about it. I'm assuming you work out...and so do I. That simple fact in and of itself is very attractive to someone like me, because most people simply don't have the motivation or dedication to work out. Yes....you're wanted. You're just trying too hard it seems. No one is "perfect" for everyone. But, there is one who thinks you're perfect out there....and he is all that matters. Edited September 15, 2012 by MonsterMash 1
HisGraceisSufficient Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Very often, self hatred is but a mask for pride and vanity. We want to look better, be better, and have people like us. Our society promotes self exaltation, pride, vanity and superficiality through advertisements, TV and movies, magazines, etc. Lose the preoccupation of self and much of the self-hatred will subside. Turn in pride for humility and committing to acts of service and investing in the talents given to you by God. “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man... It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition is gone, pride is gone.” ― C.S. Lewis,
Author Ririnn Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 Very often, self hatred is but a mask for pride and vanity. We want to look better, be better, and have people like us. Our society promotes self exaltation, pride, vanity and superficiality through advertisements, TV and movies, magazines, etc. Lose the preoccupation of self and much of the self-hatred will subside. Turn in pride for humility and committing to acts of service and investing in the talents given to you by God. “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man... It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition is gone, pride is gone.” ― C.S. Lewis, I don't think i'm proud. I agree with what you say but I've lost my confidence in me because of the things that have happened to me and I have seen how shallow people are. My ex was in love with the most beautiful girl he has ever seen-he confessed after the break up- and we were together but he didn't love me. I see many people here that just talk about physical aspects. I see many in person. Even my girl friends. Also I loved another man but he had mental issues and let me down. This has caused me to question myself from my looks to my behaviour to everything.
HisGraceisSufficient Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 I don't think i'm proud. I agree with what you say but I've lost my confidence in me because of the things that have happened to me and I have seen how shallow people are. My ex was in love with the most beautiful girl he has ever seen-he confessed after the break up- and we were together but he didn't love me. I see many people here that just talk about physical aspects. I see many in person. Even my girl friends. Also I loved another man but he had mental issues and let me down. This has caused me to question myself from my looks to my behaviour to everything. It seems that very often painful experiences cause us to look at ourselves and ask: what is wrong with me? It becomes an inward, somewhat obsessive journey of trading in negative for positive. How can I get this person to like me? How can I feel good about myself again? When will someone be there for me? I don't want to be let down again! I don't want to feel rejected and in doubt about my looks... Perhaps you have had some of these thoughts. Notice how it becomes more about us. Understandably. But, the problem isn't on self. The problem resides in the thoughts we choose to believe. "I must be perfect so that..." "If I were more beautiful I would.." And you can add your own. I think our wounds make us more proud. When you and I think of proud, you may think of it in "I like myself." but, pride can increase our feelings of inadequacy, cause us to worry about what people think of us, obsessed with appearance and wanting to be perfect and not wanting to look weak or be wrong. Like the CS Lewis quote says, we can be prideful when we compare and want to compete with those around us.
Author Ririnn Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 It seems that very often painful experiences cause us to look at ourselves and ask: what is wrong with me? It becomes an inward, somewhat obsessive journey of trading in negative for positive. How can I get this person to like me? How can I feel good about myself again? When will someone be there for me? I don't want to be let down again! I don't want to feel rejected and in doubt about my looks... Perhaps you have had some of these thoughts. Notice how it becomes more about us. Understandably. But, the problem isn't on self. The problem resides in the thoughts we choose to believe. "I must be perfect so that..." "If I were more beautiful I would.." And you can add your own. I think our wounds make us more proud. When you and I think of proud, you may think of it in "I like myself." but, pride can increase our feelings of inadequacy, cause us to worry about what people think of us, obsessed with appearance and wanting to be perfect and not wanting to look weak or be wrong. Like the CS Lewis quote says, we can be prideful when we compare and want to compete with those around us. I guess the difference is the names. I call it low self-esteem and that I no longer feel worthy of anything and you call it pride. What's the solution? Just let these thoughts go and be happy and positive? Don't think about anything? It's much deeper that I myself have thought. It's not just on the surface, I feel emotionally hurt and I think I need help, like a psychatrist or sth like that. I used to feel like this but nothing serious, just abit down that something has happened. But i'm not getting better this time, as much as I try.
Olly23 Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 I guess the difference is the names. I call it low self-esteem and that I no longer feel worthy of anything and you call it pride. What's the solution? Just let these thoughts go and be happy and positive? Don't think about anything? It's much deeper that I myself have thought. It's not just on the surface, I feel emotionally hurt and I think I need help, like a psychatrist or sth like that. I used to feel like this but nothing serious, just abit down that something has happened. But i'm not getting better this time, as much as I try. I've heard a saying. If you think you need a shrink you need a shrink. I'm not a particularly attractive person, but I think **** it you've got what you've got. You can waste the rest of your life worrying about it or just accept and love yourself, believe in your self and rats to what other people think, a ex of mine had a boob looked pretty good, but hated herself for doing it as there are worse off people in the world. 1
HisGraceisSufficient Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 I guess the difference is the names. I call it low self-esteem and that I no longer feel worthy of anything and you call it pride. What's the solution? Just let these thoughts go and be happy and positive? Don't think about anything? It's much deeper that I myself have thought. It's not just on the surface, I feel emotionally hurt and I think I need help, like a psychatrist or sth like that. I used to feel like this but nothing serious, just abit down that something has happened. But i'm not getting better this time, as much as I try. I called it self esteem for a decade and it got me no where. As a psychology grad, I saw it as my religion to be my own savior. I've been to many psychologists, read many self help books to "increase my self-esteem," and I was determined to think "happy and positive." Year after year I tried the way of psychology and therapy. Sometimes, I felt it worked. But, time after time, I was only left disappointed and confused...why did I still have "low self-esteem? Why did I still care what people thought of me? Why was I still unhappy with myself?" I was adamant in the way of self help and frequently expressed it on several forums. I was sure that if a person only tried hard enough, he or she could be happy with oneself. The solution is turning away from the self and turning to a higher power. I wish to be short and simple with this advice as to not preach, as I used to find it annoying when others would tell me this advice. We need to be saved from the self. Not invested in it. When we lack the strength of ability to do this, where do we turn? The power of God is most evident in those who surrender to Him their weaknesses and sorrows. 1
ferel Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 post a pic. i wanna see how imperfect you claim to be. you dont have to show your head if you dont want to. if your not up to posting a pic then on a scale of one to ten what would you rate yourself?
Author Ririnn Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 post a pic. i wanna see how imperfect you claim to be. you dont have to show your head if you dont want to. if your not up to posting a pic then on a scale of one to ten what would you rate yourself? If you were a established member I would show you. The avatar is me. Actually I'm beginning to think I'm not the problem, the guys I've been with are jerks.
soccerrprp Posted September 17, 2012 Posted September 17, 2012 How to stop it? I'm pressuring myself, pittying myself, for not having an amazing body. Like a super star. I feel anger and hatred about myself. Like constantly. Thin with great rack and back. I feel no body will ever want me if I'm not at least physically perfect... Ririnn, I suspect there's more to it than just your physical insecurities. Perhaps past experiences that have lead you to this point? Regarding your weight, that is... You say that you have a "great rack and back." There's some confidence in those words. Forget "perfect." And here's something else to consider that I don't recall anyone saying... if you are so concerned, why not take action to improve yourself? Go to the gym, run, tone-up...but do it for yourself because at the end of the day, no matter how hot you look, it won't guarantee that your relationships will be any more successful. 1
Author Ririnn Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 (edited) Ririnn, I suspect there's more to it than just your physical insecurities. Perhaps past experiences that have lead you to this point? Regarding your weight, that is... You say that you have a "great rack and back." There's some confidence in those words. Forget "perfect." And here's something else to consider that I don't recall anyone saying... if you are so concerned, why not take action to improve yourself? Go to the gym, run, tone-up...but do it for yourself because at the end of the day, no matter how hot you look, it won't guarantee that your relationships will be any more successful. It's mostly if not all about my past expriences. I didn't say anything about my own body, I have started to work out and I've lost weight. I wasn't that big to start with, but I'm abit chubby. I do have a good rack but no back stuff whatsoever. No luck in that area. And everyone says I have a pretty face. "thin with big rack and ***" is what I want to be. I always thought maybe my weight is a problem, But still I see many imperfect people in relationships... I always blamed these things on how I look or my luck because you know they say men are visual creatures. And I couldn't find any other thing that is wrong with me. But none of my past exs has ever said anything about how I look... But then again maybe they just didn't and wanted to ... Edited September 17, 2012 by Ririnn
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