texwalker Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Hi everyone, I have been reading a lot of posts on these forums over the past couple of weeks and thought i may as well sign up and share my story. nearly 3 weeks ago, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said she doesnt love me anymore and felt nothing towards me. she said that she was going to start looking for a part time job and that if she did get one we would barely see each other (so not true, we could easily make it work). she said she wants to be single as she is still young and once she did get a job it only made her realise more that she did want to be single. i was so shocked by this and i immediately begged and pleaded for her to change her mind. i have read now that its not the best idea to beg and plead but i cant change anything now. when she was breaking up with me on the phone, she kept wanting me to re-assure her that i would stay friends with her. i dont think we can be friends because at the moment i still have very strong feelings for her and in the future i dont want to be hearing about her new partners etc so i'd rather not be friends. we had a great relationship and we were together on the weekend when she broke up with me. we werent living together as we are both 21 and 20 so we still live with our parents. she came to stay friday night, we spent the day together saturday and then on sunday night she rang to break up with me. i have been hit very hard by this like most people are and for the first week all i wanted to do was sleep and stay home and i barely ate anything for a week. here is a little bit of background info. she lives around 65 miles away which is roughly an hour by train or car. she had uni 3 times a week and i was working full time so i had just the 2 days off a week. during the week, i would go up and stay at her place and on the weekends she would come down and stay at my place so effectively we saw each other for 4 out of the 7 days a week. i would take her out to dinner,movies,sporting events. some nights we would just stay at home and relax together. everything was perfect and everyone said we were the perfect couple. i just dont understand how her feelings can change overnight towards me and she feels absolutely nothing. for the first week, i texted a little bit and we had a phone conversation for over an hour. it felt pretty weird so as of last saturday i decided to go strictly no contact. so for 6 days now we have not spoken one bit and every now and then i get a strong urge to txt her but so far i have been good and havnt texted for 6 days now which i feel pretty good about. i miss her like crazy and i wish i knew what she was thinking about. i learnt through a mutual friend that she had just signed up to a few online dating sites last night this crushed me and i feel like im back to day 1 again. how can she be so keen to meet new people after getting rid of me because she wants to be single? i hope one day she will start to miss me and that she will contact me and say sorry for the hurt she has caused me. she kept saying that she feels confused and feels sick that she has hurt me so much.
TopCat22 Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 This seems to be quite a common thing in women in their early to mid 20s. They don't really know what they want and are still exploring the world. You may have been perfect for her but for some reason (a reason you will never find out) she decided that there might be someone better for her out there. She might be wrong, she might be right but she owes it to herself to find out. Sadly that comes at the cost of breaking your heart. She still cares for you and hurting you isn't what she wants to do. She feels guilty for hurting you and so offers the friends thing as a way to soften the blow and ease her guilt. In her mind it seems like the right thing to do but obviously it hurts just as bad. The confusion comes because she does not understand her feelings. It seems to me that women tend to get a feeling first and then try and work out why. With men we find a reason and then work out how we feel. It will hurt for a while and sadly there is nothing anyone can do about it. It's just part of life. You'll bounce back. Stay strong.
Freshstart637 Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Defiantly agree with TopCat. Same situation I am in and there is nothing you can do. We both have a career, she has a kid I accepted, we have a house, not struggling financially and she just left. We argued like normal couples too. I thought everything was good. After 2 weeks she finally called back after I txted her about what to do with the house and she said she doesn't love, miss, or care about me. Ouch. Starting to realize pre breakup that we just aren't compatible, even though she has done everything for me. She just wasn't there for me emotionally. Nothing to do now, I can't even find happiness, just hang in there. Sounds so cliche and I know how you feel.
Author texwalker Posted September 14, 2012 Author Posted September 14, 2012 thanks for your comments guys. i forgot to add that this was my second relationship (first one was for a year, got cheated on) and that i was her first relationship.
Gab09 Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Damn, that sucks man.. I'm sorry you had to go through that :/ It happens, minutes before my ex left she started blabbering stuff like .. "maybe i'm just not ready for all this, a relationship, getting married, etc".. Eventually, a lot of dumpers try to come back, once they realize it's a cold world out there and they miss that securenes.. But by then, our objective is always to have moved on and be strong enough to say No. It's not fair that we must go through all this pain because someone isn't ready.. If they are not ready, let them continue their life, and once they're ready they can settle down.. WITH SOMEONE ELSE. Good luck on your journey, best of luck.. And keep strong. 1
Author texwalker Posted September 15, 2012 Author Posted September 15, 2012 It's a horrible feeling. I feel so sick in the guts. It's been 3 weeks since she broke up with me and it feels like the feeling simply won't ever go away. We never spoke about moving in together or anything as we both still live with our parents yet when we broke up she kept saying she couldn't ever see herself moving in with me in the future. This really hurt as we never discussed this and I never got to voice how I felt about the issue. She has been really selfish about everything and maybe she just doesn't know what to do as this was her first relationship. I'm trying to do things to keep my mind off her and all I want is for her to contact me in some way. She said she needed time an space but time is going so slow. In happy with myself that I havnt spoken to her for 7 days
Calico Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 It's a horrible feeling. I feel so sick in the guts. It's been 3 weeks since she broke up with me and it feels like the feeling simply won't ever go away. Are you still waiting and hoping, or are you working a little on allowing the thought that you may have to write the next chapter of the book without her in it? Or do you push away that thought because it is too painful to bear?
MrGray Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Mate I'm on exactly the same boat as you... Dumped and broken hearted out of the blue... Ill never know how i woman's head works my friend. Stay strong. Its all we can do. Im going NC !!! 1
Author texwalker Posted September 15, 2012 Author Posted September 15, 2012 Calico, I'm trying to move on but In the back of my mind I'm still waiting and hoping. She probably will contact me in a few weeks months to see how I'm doing but that is just to make her feel better and not as guilty. She is so heartless!
Author texwalker Posted September 15, 2012 Author Posted September 15, 2012 Mr gray, I'm trying very hard to stay strong. I'm very happy that I have gone 7 days with no contact. She is probably moving on more than me though. I'm struggling to move on, I feel so sick everytime I think of the next guy she is going to be with. I gave her so much and she does this to me. She obviously doesn't realize how much she has hurt me. Unfortunately it's going to take her the next guy she meets to realize how truly good I was to her. She kept telling me I deserved so much better, seriously what the hell does that mean?? Sounds like a cop out
Dblock10 Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Mr gray, I'm trying very hard to stay strong. I'm very happy that I have gone 7 days with no contact. She is probably moving on more than me though. I'm struggling to move on, I feel so sick everytime I think of the next guy she is going to be with. I gave her so much and she does this to me. She obviously doesn't realize how much she has hurt me. Unfortunately it's going to take her the next guy she meets to realize how truly good I was to her. She kept telling me I deserved so much better, seriously what the hell does that mean?? Sounds like a cop out it means she doesnt feel good enough for you because she is feeling the way she does. no doubt she will like the next guy, if not maybe she will come back my first ex never did and 5 years later is having a baby with the guy she met very shortly after me.
Coyoteloco Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 yes man this sounds alot like what is going on in my life right now. Im 2 months in right now and it does get alot better , no contact is the best thing for you, im 21 also and she is 20 and this happened to me 2 months ago. Maybe she calls you in a few days crying and really missing you, but just to change her mind in the next 5 days, then 2 weeks later when u see her after a long time with no contact, she comes and trys to hug you be with you make you think she wants you back, but just to crush your heart again and changing her mind again. Thats the point where you get pissed and say "**** this bitch", and you start realizing who she really is and you start getting the bigger picture, and you say hey i havent been single for 2 years, im getting great times with my buddys, i start to feel happy again, the thinking of her starts to fade away and its almost like a weight off your shoudlers but theres still a long way to go... but yes it gets better and u learn to live without her
Author texwalker Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 I havnt spoken to her for 8 days now but really want to ring her and tell her my sister got engaged. What should I do??
Calico Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 I havnt spoken to her for 8 days now but really want to ring her and tell her my sister got engaged. What should I do?? This is for you to decide, because the new pain or the regret is also yours. You've tried "being friends" and sticking around before, though, and it didn't work so well. So, what can happen if you send the text? - She ignores it: pain. - She gives a distant response: pain. - She is friendly, but doesn't want to get back: hope, then pain. - She is overjoyed to hear from you and gets back together with you: happy. What's the chance for each of those, you reckon?
Author texwalker Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 I was going to ring her but it's now midnight here where we are and she has to be up very early for uni so I know she will be asleep. I'm not going to call because she won't answer and it will look bad when she sees a missed call from me. I honestly don't know how she will react. I think I will try my hardest to stick with no contact. I need to let go of all hope and just move on but it's so hard. I wake up every morning feeling horrible it's going to take plenty more weeks maybe months for her to finally wake up and realize how good I was to her.
Calico Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 If you cling to the hope that she'll "wake up" in a few weeks or months, you get yourself stuck. You're also projecting your feelings on her. She may not have these feelings now and she may never have them again. I understand how tempting it is to believe that our ex partners are somehow in denial about how they truly feel (I deal with that, too), and that once they snap out of it, they will come back to us, but it's probably really us who is in denial. As long as you hope she returns, you'll not make progress, at least not at a substantial pace, because you will wait, which means you won't really move forward. It's very hard to break free from that. I still only manage it temporarily and then get stuck for a bit again. Sending the text will pull you back a lot if it doesn't go as you hope. Remember that she would almost certainly contact you if she wanted you back. 1
Author texwalker Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 I didn't end up contacting her last night but today all I can think about is contacting her. I have a lot of her stuff still at my place, all packed away in a box. I was thinking of contacting her today and asking if she wanted to grab a bite to eat or something while I give her stuff back. It's been just over 3 weeks since we broke up and today is 9 days of no contact. I previously went 4 days but broke it in the first couple of weeks. If I ring her and she says she does not want to meet up, I'm not sure how I'm going to feel
Author texwalker Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 Ok so I called her. We spoke for about 15 minutes. I asked her what she was doing tomorrow and she has something on with her parents. She asked why? I said I was going to come and drop her stuff off. She tried to sound very confident and said there's no rush, just keep it for a while. I have her DVDs, make up, clothes, photos etc. I then said to her, well you let me know when you are free and then tell me where and when etc. I then said actually probably not or a few weeks as she is having surgery on Saturday to remove a few teeth and will need a few days rest so the rest of this week and most of next week is out of the question. I asked her if she was seeing someone, she said no. It was pretty weird on the phone actually, she was talking alot and speaking like she always does. I told her about my sister getting engaged, she sounded happy for them and she asked why I didn't tell her last week. For my 21st birthday earlier this year, her parents got me two sporting framed photos worth a bit of money. I told her I put them out on the street for anyone to take and she got angry and said if I did that she would never talk to me again. Obviously they are still hanging on my wall but I was surprised by her reaction. I'm sort of in no mans land now. I don't know whether to text her later tonight and talk again or will I be waiting a few weeks hoping she wants to meet up for a coffee/lunch etc and exchange stuff.
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