Why won't this go away???

[Veryconfused12345]

Hi All,

I signed up for Loveshack about 10 months ago now and have been so appreciative of this amazing forum to vent, share frustrations, and basically get everything running around my brain down on paper. I’d really like to be able to help everyone as much as they’ve helped me so I always feel a bit guilty posting almost a year after everything’s happened, but I really think I need some help today…

 

It’s been quite literally, the worst year of my life between serious family illness, financial problems, and lack of stability. The start of this began when I was dumped by my very serious boyfriend who proceeded to start sleeping with someone else almost immediately afterwards. Naturally this was completely heart breaking as I was smitten with the guy and looking forward to a life together. He initially blamed me before admitting he didn’t think I loved him as much as he loved me. It’s been a lot of emails back and forth about how much he loved me and misses me every day and is desperate to get me back. But despite now being less than 20 minutes away from him in the same city, in the entire time he’s been emailing me, he has yet to do anything at all other than tell me how depressed he is. He recently got a new job and is getting his life together and wants to eventually meet to discuss what went wrong. I do feel battered and bruised after this year and have never been so deeply hurt by another person before.

 

My question or issue or whatever this is is this: this is not someone I trust or respect anymore. He’s hurt me terribly and to me, it feels like he cheated on me. I could never recover what we had without feeling some deep rooted resentment and hatred towards him and even worse, I suspect we both know that he’d have the upper hand as he walked away the first time.

My problem is I still love the guy (I know I know, I feel pathetic even writing that). My life has been a firestorm of difficult situations over the past year and its only just now settling down. I have been so lonely and despite dating other people very casually (coffees and one or two dinner dates but nothing more serious) I just can’t wrap my head around ever finding someone I’m as excited about or love as much. I might get into another relationship, but I can’t possibly see how it could feel like a more perfect fit. That’s the problem with ending a relationship too soon, your feelings are still at the height of their intensity and get frozen in time. I constantly obsess about where he is, how the new job is going, and if he might be moving on. And I just want this to stop. I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of obsessing. I just want to have

[Consultant]

Hi All,

I signed up for Loveshack about 10 months ago now and have been so appreciative of this amazing forum to vent, share frustrations, and basically get everything running around my brain down on paper. I’d really like to be able to help everyone as much as they’ve helped me so I always feel a bit guilty posting almost a year after everything’s happened, but I really think I need some help today…

 

It’s been quite literally, the worst year of my life between serious family illness, financial problems, and lack of stability. The start of this began when I was dumped by my very serious boyfriend who proceeded to start sleeping with someone else almost immediately afterwards. Naturally this was completely heart breaking as I was smitten with the guy and looking forward to a life together. He initially blamed me before admitting he didn’t think I loved him as much as he loved me. It’s been a lot of emails back and forth about how much he loved me and misses me every day and is desperate to get me back. But despite now being less than 20 minutes away from him in the same city, in the entire time he’s been emailing me, he has yet to do anything at all other than tell me how depressed he is. He recently got a new job and is getting his life together and wants to eventually meet to discuss what went wrong. I do feel battered and bruised after this year and have never been so deeply hurt by another person before.

 

My question or issue or whatever this is is this: this is not someone I trust or respect anymore. He’s hurt me terribly and to me, it feels like he cheated on me. I could never recover what we had without feeling some deep rooted resentment and hatred towards him and even worse, I suspect we both know that he’d have the upper hand as he walked away the first time.

My problem is I still love the guy (I know I know, I feel pathetic even writing that). My life has been a firestorm of difficult situations over the past year and its only just now settling down. I have been so lonely and despite dating other people very casually (coffees and one or two dinner dates but nothing more serious) I just can’t wrap my head around ever finding someone I’m as excited about or love as much. I might get into another relationship, but I can’t possibly see how it could feel like a more perfect fit. That’s the problem with ending a relationship too soon, your feelings are still at the height of their intensity and get frozen in time. I constantly obsess about where he is, how the new job is going, and if he might be moving on. And I just want this to stop. I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of obsessing. I just want to have

 

IMO, I don't think you can let him back in. I am going through the same thing right now and its been about a month and a half. My ex has no intention of getting back with me, but even if she did, I would have to resist the temptation of going back. Why open up yourself to even more hurt in the future? There is clearly something he didn't appreciate about you that you deserve. My ex felt that we were ultimately not compatible because we are both very high strung people. She fell out of love for me while in our relationship months before it ended and didn't tell me and instead subjected me to a world of pain.

 

Why would I want her back in my life? Clearly logically I wouldn't, but yet I still think about her all of the time. Everything in my life reminds me of her. I would probably get a rush of euphoria if she came back asking to get back together. Unfortunately, I couldn't do it. She left me for another guy and left me out an island to suffer just because she had moved on and didn't bother telling me or working on things. Ultimately even if you love someone more than anything, you need to remove that person out of your life. You have to have more self respect and find someone who truly appreciates, loves, and respects you unconditionally for who you are.

[Stanza]

It's ok that you still feel like that, I agree that because it ended when you weren't thinking it would at all, it's sort of frozen your feelings in time. I feel like that too.

 

You should meet him. Have a long chat. See how you feel face to face. See what it brings, if nothing it brings closure and you will hurt after but at this stage I think you need to face it.

 

If he sounds depressed etc you will have to evaluate if you anyway want that in your life. You will have changed and you may only find that out when you meet him.