ItsAllOver Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 (edited) Okay, so I was talking with someone the other day about my situation with my ex. His recommendation? Go strict no contact for the next four months. And by STRICT, he means COMPLETELY ignore ANY call, text, or email she sends until January. He seems to think that this will completely change things between the two of us, and she will want to get back together with me at that time. I personally think that, if I COMPLETELY ignore her for THAT long, it's just going to send a message to her that I have moved on, and she should, too. I understand the whole concept of giving space. But I just don't see how this would be a good tactic to get an ex back (especially since the lines of communication are basically open between the two of us, and she actually initiates contact a fair amount). What do you think? Edited September 14, 2012 by ItsAllOver
Tiera D Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 the only reason NC is established and recommeded because it gave you a clean slate,so u can start over as long the breakup isnt too horrible,it does not guarantee reconciliation,but it removes you from being desperate and that gives you a better chance TD
Author ItsAllOver Posted September 14, 2012 Author Posted September 14, 2012 the only reason NC is established and recommeded because it gave you a clean slate,so u can start over as long the breakup isnt too horrible,it does not guarantee reconciliation,but it removes you from being desperate and that gives you a better chance TD But FOUR MONTHS of no contact? I can understand four months of no contact if your ex is NOT attempting to make contact. But if they ARE, then it seems like four months is just going to send them the message that you are no longer interested. Let me ask you this. If you broke up with someone, and they wouldn't respond to your calls, texts, emails, etc for four months, wouldn't YOU figure that they have moved on?
geegirl Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 But FOUR MONTHS of no contact? I can understand four months of no contact if your ex is NOT attempting to make contact. But if they ARE, then it seems like four months is just going to send them the message that you are no longer interested. Let me ask you this. If you broke up with someone, and they wouldn't respond to your calls, texts, emails, etc for four months, wouldn't YOU figure that they have moved on? A break-up means moving on. When someone chooses not to be with you, they choose to accept the fact that the other will move on. They choose to accept that they will no longer have you in their life. Did you forget that she gave you a clear message that she is not interested when she broke up with you. So, why is it your responsibility to help her feel secure knowing that you are still interested in her? NC is a tool that you enforce because you want to heal and move on. It is not used to reconcile. If you choose contact because you still need to feed your denial and hope, then do so. You seem to have it figured out. Until you are completely done and you want to move on and heal from a break-up, then you instill NC. If they come back to you at some point, and with substance, showing you in action, then you decide if you want to reconcile. But if they don't, you'll be far long into your NC journey to want to look back. If she's afraid of you moving on and wants to get back together, she'll do it becasue she fears losing you. It may even cause her to reflect and realize your value and the loss of you. Trying to keep a foot in the door because you're afraid she'll move on is most likely the motive of your post. When someone does not want you, walk away. 3
TaraMaiden Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Okay, so I was talking with someone the other day about my situation with my ex. His recommendation? Go strict no contact for the next four months. And by STRICT, he means COMPLETELY ignore ANY call, text, or email she sends until January. He seems to think that this will completely change things between the two of us, and she will want to get back together with me at that time. I personally think that, if I COMPLETELY ignore her for THAT long, it's just going to send a message to her that I have moved on, and she should, too. I understand the whole concept of giving space. But I just don't see how this would be a good tactic to get an ex back (especially since the lines of communication are basically open between the two of us, and she actually initiates contact a fair amount). What do you think? Read the link in my Signature (the "All-New Caliguy No Contact Guide".) By the way - if she wanted to be with you - she would be.
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