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Would it be rude to ask for a full body profile pic?

SJC2008

By SJC2008
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january2011 Established Member

january2011

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I didn't use any photos on my OKCupid profile but emailed them afterwards if I felt that the guy and I were a potential match.

 

I think it's a given to get requests for more pictures. And also to receive commentary - not everyone is going to like your look. If you ask for more photos and she keeps posting you headshots, then I'd assume something was up. She might not have any full body shots, she may be feeling insecure about her body or it's a scam. It's really up to you decide where you draw the line. Like oaks suggested, you could ask her why she's only got headshots rather than a mixture.

  • Like 1
phineas Established Member

phineas

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No, I don't think it's rude. However, if you don't like what you see, how are you going to handle it without it being fairly obvious that you didn't like what you saw? That might need careful handling to avoid being rude.

 

I tell them i'm looking for someone more athletic like myself.

  • Like 1
phineas Established Member

phineas

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And you should be.

 

I'm a woman and weigh 115 lbs, and I had put 'average' on my profile when I was doing OLD. More often than not, women seem to fudge it a bit - they seem to think "a few extra pounds" is 50 or 70. There's a reason this gal doesn't have a body shot. Trust me.

 

I lost some of my definition & went from 30 to 32 waist over the summer & changed it to average.

 

I look better than most guys my age but until I got them abs peeking out again I feel lame listing myself as athletic on POF.

 

I think i'm fit on okcupid which is fair since i'm active & not fat.

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oaks Established Member

oaks

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I tell them i'm looking for someone more athletic like myself.

 

That works. I like it! :)

bobsmith76 Established Member

bobsmith76

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asking for a full body pic is not rude. being fat matters. if they've got something to hide then you're just going to find out on the first date anyway.

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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No, I would not mind a guy asking at all.

 

I list my body as average and that's not likely to change any time soon. I would be very hesitant to list myself as athletic or fit (even though I exercise a lot) because I feel guys would expect a fitness model.

 

I don't see listing myself as thin, unless I looked like a borderline anorexic.

 

Some girls that list "average" are indeed, average.

 

As for "few extra" - expect someone overweight to obese.

 

I don't see a problem with having a quick drink with her...and if you reject her no biggie. It's par for the course as most OLDaters know.

irc333 Established Member

irc333

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I can't say I blame you.

 

I see a lot of women who post these, "Above the head pics" all the time, so you can't figure out what they look like.

 

I prefer at least a frontal photo from the waist up.

 

I get a kick out how they try to hide themselves behind trees, squatting down or what not.

kaylan Established Member

kaylan

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I got a message the other day from a woman (allegedly) with no photos. Apparently she likes my profile, thinks we have things in common etc. She went on to describe some things not mentioned in her profile that she thought I would be interested in. Then she said she was cautious about putting photos on a dating site but I could email her (she gave an email address) and she would email me some photos. I assumed it was a scam, but I wrote to her (via the site... I didn't give her my email address) and she does at least have the ability to respond in English... but I still think it's a scam.

 

I suppose I could take her up on her offer of asking her for photos via email... and I could use an email address that I don't care what spam it gets... but then if I don't like the photos I'm stuck between ignoring further contact and telling her that I don't like how she looks. And I just can't be bothered with either. (and I still think it might be a scam)

 

Anyway... questions asked on a dating site before asking for and agreeing a date are clearly questions to help each person answer the "do I want to go on a date with this person?" ... so I don't really think anything is 'out', but that doesn't mean the other person will like the question.

 

In this case, instead of asking for a photo... how about asking why there isn't one? There might be an interesting story, and the person might volunteer one. Or the answer you get might tell you whether you should go on that date.

Id secure a temporary email address. Theres several sites that do that. Or you can simply create another username within your already existing email account. My email provider allows us to creating an alternate email address. And this address I can change at any time.

 

So try one of these options, and then if its a scam, or if youre not interested in her, simply do away with the temp address.

justwhoiam Established Member

justwhoiam

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"Weary" means 'tired'.

"WARY" means 'cautious'.

Good you made this clear. I really thought he meant "weary" and started wondering "wow, he says she's nice, but he's fed up of her initiating..." :laugh:
justwhoiam Established Member

justwhoiam

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she has herself listed as a few extra pounds and only has head shots.
That's understandable. I hate pics of myself, but other people seem to like them... She's overweight and she's probably already hypercritical about herself.

 

The few extra pounds listing doesn't bother me, the only face pics do. My rule of thumb if you will is, as long as she's not bigger than me ratio wise and I'm attracted, we're go flight! The last woman who had all face pics LITERALLY had a bigger stomach than me, not proportionately.
So you have issues because of your past experience. It's understandable that you don't want to go through some unpleasant situation again.

 

Would it be rude of me to ask for a full body pic?
Yes. I'd say rule #1 with someone you're interested in is making the person comfortable around you. It's in your best interest. In case things are worth going on. You don't want to ruin your chances I suppose. So as someone else suggested, launch the idea of a videochat with her and see if you still like her then, live. If you do, you can move on to asking her out, if she's interested :D
Janesays Established Member

Janesays

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Lord, it's just a cup of coffee, not a marriage proposal! Worst case scenario: You go out and are not attracted to her. Big whoop. Suck it up, have a nice time, ENJOY meeting someone new. You might not find the love of your life, but you can still make a good friend.

 

If I were her, I'd send you a full body shot. And if you gave me the, "Wow, let's go out!" I'd respond with, "Not a chance. You see, I don't find YOU very attractive."

  • Like 1
oaks Established Member

oaks

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So try one of these options, and then if its a scam, or if youre not interested in her, simply do away with the temp address.
Yup. I would, but apathy is winning and my dating diary is pretty full already (with a pretty girl). :)
kaylan Established Member

kaylan

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Lord, it's just a cup of coffee, not a marriage proposal! Worst case scenario: You go out and are not attracted to her. Big whoop. Suck it up, have a nice time, ENJOY meeting someone new. You might not find the love of your life, but you can still make a good friend.

 

If I were her, I'd send you a full body shot. And if you gave me the, "Wow, let's go out!" I'd respond with, "Not a chance. You see, I don't find YOU very attractive."

But why should he have to possibly waste his time in the first place. A picture prevents that. Also, I think OP is smart enough not to be over enthusiastic about going out if he ends up liking her picture. Either way, I dont see him asking anything wrong here, date or no date.

oaks Established Member

oaks

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Lord, it's just a cup of coffee, not a marriage proposal! Worst case scenario: You go out and are not attracted to her. Big whoop. Suck it up, have a nice time, ENJOY meeting someone new. You might not find the love of your life, but you can still make a good friend.

 

If I were her, I'd send you a full body shot. And if you gave me the, "Wow, let's go out!" I'd respond with, "Not a chance. You see, I don't find YOU very attractive."

 

Vindictive much? :(

Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

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And I'd thank you for doing me the favor because if one mispelled word wierds you out that easy you aren't my type I can assure you that. This aint no english forum, get a life.

 

Actually, it's "weird". Couldn't resist....

  • Like 5
Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

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Seriously, make the first meet something where it can be short, like coffee. If you don't like what you see, you can politely excuse yourself after a half-hour.

verhrzn Established Member

verhrzn

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You could just ask her for coffee and assess her then. No need to be rude, and you should get the interaction offline ASAP anyway. It's just coffee, after all.

oaks Established Member

oaks

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You could just ask her for coffee and assess her then. No need to be rude, and you should get the interaction offline ASAP anyway. It's just coffee, after all.

 

No harm in going for just coffee (although I still don't think it's rude to ask for a photo), but I'd still rather go for coffee with someone I find attractive than what's not far off being a blind date. And I don't especially want to waste her time, either.

 

I agree about the value of taking the interaction offline (or at least off the dating site) ASAP, too, but sometimes a more complete set of photos just confirms that there's more value in discontinuing the interaction altogether.

GirlontheLam Established Member

GirlontheLam

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Personally I don't have many full body pics. I am not a "pic taker" (I blame my mom). So the only full body pics I have are always those random group shots at events or whatever, and I personally don't always want to post those everywhere without permission.

 

I took one alone pic the other week and it was my first for a few years.

SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

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No it is not rude.

 

When I did OLDing I asked guys for full body pics all the time.

 

My first date with my ex, he was unsure about sending me one so I cancelled the date. I got the picture about 54 seconds after.

  • Like 2
Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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I don't think you should ask her for that.

 

She says she is "a few extra pounds" and she chose to only have head shots. I think it's reasonable to assume that she is overweight and not happy with the way her body looks … or she would have pictures that show it.

 

A person who is feeling that way really does not need to subject herself to extra scrutiny and judgement. She'd just be setting herself up for rejection because of the way her body looks.

 

I don't think you are wrong to not want to date a fat woman, so just don't go there.

 

Or, if you like her enough to think that maybe, possibly her attractive face and how well you two seem to be hitting it off might make it worthwhile to meet her even if she does turn out to be fat - then give it a chance.

 

But go into it knowing that she IS going to be an overweight woman.

verhrzn Established Member

verhrzn

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No harm in going for just coffee (although I still don't think it's rude to ask for a photo), but I'd still rather go for coffee with someone I find attractive than what's not far off being a blind date. And I don't especially want to waste her time, either.

 

I agree about the value of taking the interaction offline (or at least off the dating site) ASAP, too, but sometimes a more complete set of photos just confirms that there's more value in discontinuing the interaction altogether.

 

*Shrugs* I just know if a guy asked me for full-body shots, I'd decline to go out with him. Online dating is such a meat market already, I think a lot of women are sensitive about men choosing them entirely on their looks.

 

If someone has a fun profile or seems fine to chat with, then I think it's worth a half an hour meeting over coffee isn't a "waste of time." It's possible she's just kind of embarrassed about her body, but even a "few extra pounds" could be overlooked with the right personality.

 

At least, that's what people on this forum are always telling me... that if your personality is great, then looks don't become as important. Except in the case of full-body photos, I guess. :p

  • Like 6
KungFuJoe Established Member

KungFuJoe

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Looks are just as important as personality.

 

I'm clueless about online dating, but I know I would want to see the entire package before I would agree to go out with someone.

  • Like 2
GirlontheLam Established Member

GirlontheLam

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*Shrugs* I just know if a guy asked me for full-body shots, I'd decline to go out with him. Online dating is such a meat market already, I think a lot of women are sensitive about men choosing them entirely on their looks.

 

If someone has a fun profile or seems fine to chat with, then I think it's worth a half an hour meeting over coffee isn't a "waste of time." It's possible she's just kind of embarrassed about her body, but even a "few extra pounds" could be overlooked with the right personality.

 

At least, that's what people on this forum are always telling me... that if your personality is great, then looks don't become as important. Except in the case of full-body photos, I guess. :p

 

One more reason OLD is tricky. I mean what if you are wearing a crappy outfit, having a bad day? I am not photogenic at all. 1 in 100 pics is OK. I am my profile is ignored by people that in real life would think I was "cute."

oaks Established Member

oaks

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*Shrugs* I just know if a guy asked me for full-body shots, I'd decline to go out with him. Online dating is such a meat market already, I think a lot of women are sensitive about men choosing them entirely on their looks.

 

Fair enough. I definitely support your 'right' to choose to decline on that basis. Yes, I can see what you mean about the meat market thing. (In many cases women could help themselves by writing half-decent profiles, though, but perhaps those are the other group of women who are happy with a "look at me and date me if you like what you see" approach, or perhaps they can't help themselves and those sparse profiles are a reflection of their writing ability or self expression ability... I couldn't say!)

 

If someone has a fun profile or seems fine to chat with, then I think it's worth a half an hour meeting over coffee isn't a "waste of time." It's possible she's just kind of embarrassed about her body, but even a "few extra pounds" could be overlooked with the right personality.

 

For me (and it's a personal thing, rather than a 'right or wrong' thing) I'd rather date someone who isn't embarrassed about her body, regardless of size, than someone who is. I tried it with someone who hated how she looked, and it was draining (and I've dated larger than average women who weren't embarrassed and didn't hate their shape and it's been great).

 

At least, that's what people on this forum are always telling me... that if your personality is great, then looks don't become as important. Except in the case of full-body photos, I guess. :p

 

If we're talking about people being embarrassed of the way they look to the point where they won't post a full body photo, I'll suggest that this is a part of their personality.

 

You perhaps don't browse women's profiles online (and I don't usually look at men's) ... but I see many saying "no photo, no reply" or "I've put my photos here so it's only fair that I can see what you look like, too, if we're going to talk" or "must have full body shot" (and "you need to be not wearing a hat in at least one of your photos"!) so I get the feeling that there are plenty of folk out there who want to see what someone looks like as part of the process early on.

  • Like 3
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