WhyMe28 Posted July 22, 2004 Posted July 22, 2004 Ok, I am new here, but I found this site and would like some advice. I am 28 and have been dating a younger girl who is 19 for the past month and a half we are pretty much boyfriend and girlfriend. When we met she was currently involved with someone but she was not happy and left him and we started dating. We have fun, hang out all the time, and she often stays the night at my house. We talk everyday on the phone and all seems to be going good, except maybe I am not acting my age. She still talks to her ex boyfriend, which bothers me and makes me a bit jealous, even though I never show that to her. I don't know what to think, I mean, I know she is young and is confused but I don't like the way they still talk and go out and do things. She still calls on him for favors, and he even let her borrow his cell phone because hers broke. He has more than 2 cell phones. Maybe I am being stupid, but she even called him to get stuff done to her car because he has hooks ups everywhere, should she not come to me for these things? We are taking things slow and stuff but this bothers me. I mean, I have never had contact with an ex. If it's over, it's over right? What is the deal? Am I being stupid? I know I should be more mature about it but I like her and I know she likes me, so what should i do? She still goes to his house, they go to movies, they go clubbing together and they talk almost everyday also, maybe not directly on the phone, but they text message each other, if not everyday, every other day. So, what gives? She still has a key to his house and I am positive she still tells him that she loves him, 'cause I have seen some of his text messages and he will tell her stuff like "I was glad to see you too, baby, I look forward to hanging out with you more, I love you too" What should i do? I know she is young, but I feel we could have something good here. Is she playing me, or maybe keeping him there in case we don't work out? Anyone gone through something like this before? Any advice for me?
JustVisiting Posted July 22, 2004 Posted July 22, 2004 Hey i feel for you, i have been in this type of situation before and let me tell you something you may not want to hear, if she left him for you which is what it sounds like, then she never truly left her ex for relationship reasons, it was because she saw something new and this type of girl cant be trusted. If she still talks to him and hangs out with him then more than likely they will get back together. no one talks like that to an ex unless they are trying to work things out and feelings are still there on both sides. What kind of text messages are those from and ex, i mean thats not normal. She is young also and you must realize at that age not many people know what they want. Your not acting immature just doubtful about things which is understandable. Like i said dont waste too much time cause it seems she never really let go of her ex and she may even want him back otherwise, like you said if its been a month and a half you have been talking and he is still in the picture than chances are he will stay there and eventually win her back. Move on and find someone maybe a bit older who knows what they want and wont play games, do you really think you could make it any longer with her being young? In 2-3 years she will be a completly different person, she is young man, let it go.
Bart_Weisser Posted July 23, 2004 Posted July 23, 2004 I am in agreement with JustMe. This girl is not trustworthy. She hang out with you most likely because she doesn't want to be alone. Yes, she may be unhappy with her "ex" but she didn't want to stare at the fridge on Saturday nights, either. The other thing is the age difference. I am not referring to the eight years between you. I am referring to the fact that you're 28 and she's 19. She's just getting out of high school, and she'll be going through a lot of social and emotional changes. You, on the other hand, have gone through all this, and have achieve a certain level of emotional stability. Unless both of you are committed (which from the sound of it this is far from the case) this kind of relationship is not meant to last. If you want to save grace and face (that's probably the only thing you can save from the relationship), break it off before she does. BW.
Author WhyMe28 Posted July 23, 2004 Author Posted July 23, 2004 I agree with what you both say, but i dont think is has anything with her not wanting to be alone because if that was the case she would be with her ex if i was not here, dont you think? She has friends and other guy friends as well and that does not bother me but the ex is a different story, i mean sure they could be friends but not the way they act. Yes she is young and not too stable as where i have been through things she has yet to experience, but age i guess i would like to think does not matter sometimes but i guess here it does have something to do with it. Ok also i am confused then, i mean she likes me, we talk all the time, i know she is interested in me, but what do you guys think about the ex? Any ideas on their relationship? And what about the text message? Any girls here with advice?
Bart_Weisser Posted July 23, 2004 Posted July 23, 2004 I know what you're going through, brother. Been down that road. You're trying to justify the situation when there is really nothing to see. The truth is, that only you would know, and we are trying to see it through with a blind eye. What you told us a symptoms. Yes, there is a chance for misdiagnosis, the community has seen enough of this to tell you that we are almost certain of what will happen. If you really want to test your theory, I suggest you take her out, weigh her in, and see what she says. If she stays, great for now. Otherwise, no worries. Pick yourself up and get another girl! BW.
Author WhyMe28 Posted July 24, 2004 Author Posted July 24, 2004 I dont know, i somewhat talked to her about it and she says that she cares very much for him and that is why they still talk. She likes me but i can tell she still has feelings for him otherwise there would be no contact right? I know i should just let her go or deal with it, but i am confused and yes her being young and me being older i should move on and know what to do, but if i did i would not be here writing and seeking advice. Why is he still in the picture? Almost 2 moths later and they still talk, they make plans, even though we are together more than they are, she is usually with me or talking to me by phone, why is he still there?
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