JustALittleBit Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 (edited) If a guy enters a relationship when he is not really ready for it and hasn't dealt with the fallout from a previous relationship, and then spends the next relationship avoiding intimacy (but making small steps sometimes) and possibly transferring feelings/issues from the last realtionship onto the new one - when that relationship ends is it effectively done? This just happened to me and I ended it because I wasn't happy with the lack of progress. I know it sounds like a rebound, but we did seem to have a few moments where we were connected, but for the most part he held back and it seemed like he compared it to his relationship with his ex and couldn't see it as something new. It also seemed during these comparisons that I came up short. Just wondering if anyone has been here and whether I should completely move on or still hold onto that glimmer of hope that he will realise what we could have. Edited September 14, 2012 by JustALittleBit
Calico Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 If you left him, how can he realize what you could have together? Did you give him any indication that the future depends on him? How long were you together?
Author JustALittleBit Posted September 14, 2012 Author Posted September 14, 2012 We were together about half a year. I think I gave him an indication since I said the only reason I was breaking up with him was because he didn't seem to be totally into it, and that it essentially wasn't anything about him or my own feelings being less. He knows I would like to be with him but that I don't want to be in a half hearted relationship anymore. And true about the 'how could he realise what we could have together' part, but likewise I couldn't wait around for someone to maybe one day love me back. It was making me unhappy and we weren't progressing in the meantime, in fact as I got deeper into it he started pulling back. If it had of kept going at a slow momentum I think I would have been alright, but not when it's going backwards. (Did I make the right choice?)
esstea Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Oh man, dealing with people who aren't 100% COMPLETELY over their exes is the worst thing you can ever get into. They're going to be comparing you to the their past relationship to a T. As you said, you both shared feelings where it seemed like you were connecting, but trust me when I say, as a person who's been on both sides of this situation, I could never move forward with anyone even if I had the SLIGHTEST feeling for an ex. Look out for number one, always. I'd say stick to your decision.
Author JustALittleBit Posted September 14, 2012 Author Posted September 14, 2012 Oh man, dealing with people who aren't 100% COMPLETELY over their exes is the worst thing you can ever get into. They're going to be comparing you to the their past relationship to a T. As you said, you both shared feelings where it seemed like you were connecting, but trust me when I say, as a person who's been on both sides of this situation, I could never move forward with anyone even if I had the SLIGHTEST feeling for an ex. Look out for number one, always. I'd say stick to your decision. Thanks that helps. I do want to be number 1 with no doubt in my mind! So from my side I will definitely stick to it. Having been on both sides of the situation, do you think the time apart will change anything for him? Or just help him get over his ex and I will be part of the past as well?
CptSaveAho Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 For him, there will be nothing to pursue with you. Just something that did not work out
todreaminblue Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 If a guy enters a relationship when he is not really ready for it and hasn't dealt with the fallout from a previous relationship, and then spends the next relationship avoiding intimacy (but making small steps sometimes) and possibly transferring feelings/issues from the last realtionship onto the new one - when that relationship ends is it effectively done? This just happened to me and I ended it because I wasn't happy with the lack of progress. I know it sounds like a rebound, but we did seem to have a few moments where we were connected, but for the most part he held back and it seemed like he compared it to his relationship with his ex and couldn't see it as something new. It also seemed during these comparisons that I came up short. Just wondering if anyone has been here and whether I should completely move on or still hold onto that glimmer of hope that he will realise what we could have. Every relationship is unique every person is unique when two come together that coupling is unique and cant be duplicated.any ending is a little death you never quite forget about it should you? Doesnt mean that you can tlove that person you are with more or the relationship could progress to something that transcends the past relationship.Honesty and understanding Something better more harmonious or more satisfying.Comparing relationships is not really logical for the reasons i first gave.Especially in regards to emotions and personality and even physical....everyone is different and relationships, every single pairing has a different dynamic and cannot be duplicated....ever.......unless cloning adn stem cell takes that option...even then...who wants to be cloned......god would not let me be cloned the world would suffer...;0).....glimmer shimmer and shine on hope...rebounds can work..i was in a rebound for fifteen years and it wasn't me who stuffed up well a little i should have left when he cheated the first time...god moves in mysterious ways and it aint to clone either....but i did have three beautiful girls.....deb
Author JustALittleBit Posted September 15, 2012 Author Posted September 15, 2012 Anyone else have any thoughts?
eleve82 Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Typically it's normal to take time to get intimate with a girl if a guy is just out from a long term relationship but to compare you with her and to somehow imply you are coming up short, this is pretty odd. It could be that he is second thoughts about his ex or is just confused about what he wants now. Eitherway, think you made the right move to cut your losses quickly. If he realises you are special and wants to be with you, he will probably try to contact you. 1
Author JustALittleBit Posted September 16, 2012 Author Posted September 16, 2012 Eitherway, think you made the right move to cut your losses quickly. If he realises you are special and wants to be with you, he will probably try to contact you. Thanks, I think you're right about that. I guess there's no point me worrying in the end because if he does want to be with me he'll make the move. I don't even know if I would want to go back there since the main memories of the relationship are me not getting what I wanted. Still though, would be nice to have the choice.
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