Nasty divorce... he wants to take the house, how do I fight this?

[Tobietoes]

I am involved in a nasty divorce in the state of Michigan. I don't have the money for an attorney. To make a long story short, he cheated on me and I cheated on him. We've been abusive to eachother, but of course in his eyes, it is all my fault. We were married two years.

 

Before we got married, I bought a house because my credit was good enough and his wasn't. However, he makes three times as much as I do and I work part time at a grocery store. I will not be able to afford the house when I am on my own. I am going to ask for spousal support, but I am not sure I will get it. He has promised to put me through the ringer in court. He records our conversations behind my back, has made police reports on me (I went a little crazy one day and broke his son's phone), and has all sorts of documentation to back himself up that this is my "fault" (which is considered in divorces in Michigan when there is property to divide). I have been poorly prepared and have nothing to prove what he has done to me. Any time I went to make a police report, he would follow me and intimidate me and harass the cops into thinking that I did something. I went to make one on a time he physically assaulted me and he followed me with a broken microphone saying that I was lying and that he had the evidence of me assaulting him (I did rip the mic off his collar, but then he hit me), so the police encouraged us to work it out amongst ourselves and so I did.

 

He is not a lawyer, but he is very good at arguing for himself in court and he sues people all the time pro se. He spent three years in the courts with his last wife.

 

Anyway, he has put money into the home's repairs and since he makes more money than I do, he pays most of the bills, including the mortgage. His name isn't on the house. I would like the chance to keep the house and find a better job and support myself, but I will consider conceding to sell the home instead. He says if I am going to lose it, that he might as well take it and that he will fight for it in court. I don't think that is right for him have the house. If I can't have it, neither of us can have it. He makes good money and can support himself... I can't.

 

Does anyone have any experience on how to handle these things in court? Can he even do that??

 

Thanks for any advice.

[Balzac]

If the property deed is in your name, you keep the house. The asset of the home is premarital. Your only discussion is marital earnings and attributing ownership of marital debt.

 

Seek a preliminary meeting with an attorney, disclose what financial info you can. Many lawyers will represent you knowing that fees will be court ordered.

Edited September 14, 2012 by Balzac
Preliminary consult is no fee to you. FREE

[2sure]

You've only had the house 2 years, how much could you have paid on it?

Odds are it isn't even an asset yet...depending on market value. Regardless, for him to get the house he will have to be approved for a mortgage. Since his bad credit did not allow him to do that before...he probably hasn't been able to correct that to any real extent in 2 years...so, he won't be able to get the house.

The courts only get involved, if they must, in how the assets are split. It's not an asset and he can't get a mortgage.

[Balzac]

While I understand your definition of equity in the home, she needs a place to live and this is likely her best opportunity. She can negotiate a deed in leau of foreclosure, or ride it out into foreclosure. She can take in a roommate. What she needs to do is seek a higher income, protect her credit rating if possible and buy herself some time on the real estate.

[Tobietoes]

Thanks, guys. I didn't know they could order lawyer fees in court. Thank you so much. I will definitely be getting one now!!

 

The problem is he is REALLY good... that is why I married him. He is so intelligent and he fights for causes successfully, but he also uses it to get revenge. His ex-wife had one of the best divorce lawyers in the city and he got what he wanted... after three years of course. He gets revenge the way he wants every time. He says he is going to appeal any spousal support if I ask for it, and he will claim that he paid the mortgage so it is marital property if I don't sign the title over to him. I could see him winning that point in court. He is so controlling and I don't even know how to fight back. I know he will exaggerate the circumstances and deny any wrongdoing at all. I know he has been seeing a prostitute, but he claims she is a coworker. But, I don't have proof. He spyed on me and has proof I cheated on him... I'm just not like that! It is because of stuff like that that his ex lost in court. She couldn't defend herself against his portrayal of her, even with a good lawyer.

 

I am tempted to provoke him to point of leaving a major mark and calling 911. He provokes me all the time so he can record our fights. That will end the whole situation as he will be put in jail....and honestly, I'd like to see that. He has made my life miserable.

 

And yes, there is no equity to divide... evenso, can a judge still order us to sell it? If he is going to fight, that is what I want to do. He says that a judge will order the house to go to the person that paid most of the bills. It might not happen for a while cuz I know the court will initially favor me, but eventually he will get what he wants. Maybe I should just sell the house now and leave him in the dust! I am afraid he'd come after me and harass me if I do that though... he is known in our community for being a harassing ******* to cops and those he doesn't like. Hard telling what he would do to me!!!

 

Also, do you guys think I could get spousal support? I would only need it a short time... enough time to get a better job. I already get child support from my previous marriage so that helps too. I just want it long enough to get on my feet, but we were only married two years. I wanted an apartment, but he convinced me to buy the house. I honestly think he had this whole thing planned out from day one.

[amaysngrace]

I don't think a judge will make you sell your house if your child lives there too but that's why you need to talk to a lawyer.

 

Tell the lawyer that he's lawsuit happy. That may be the biggest thing you have against him.

 

But please don't stage an assault. Police have better things to do than answer phony domestic calls.

[2sure]

He is filling your head with garbage. First, he isn't smart. He couldn't get a mortgage when they were giving them away. Next, Michigan is a No Fault state. Fault only comes into play with child custody or division of assets. You have neither. The mortgage is in your name alone. You will not get alimony due to the short length of your marriage.

 

See an attorney or at the very very least google .

[Tobietoes]

Yes yes, I won't... it is only a fantasy. He has quite a record with the city and courts already and proving he is lawsuit happy should be very easy. I just want out, and I'd like a chance at the house if I am legally entitled to it.

 

Thanks for the advice folks. Know any good lawyers in Michigan?

[Tobietoes]

He is filling your head with garbage. First, he isn't smart. He couldn't get a mortgage when they were giving them away. Next, Michigan is a No Fault state. Fault only comes into play with child custody or division of assets. You have neither. The mortgage is in your name alone. You will not get alimony due to the short length of your marriage.

 

See an attorney or at the very very least google .

 

I'm googling my head off... this is just one avenue I'm using to get info and opinions.

 

He paid off all his debt during the past two years, but I don't know what his score is. He didn't have a job when I got the house and he thinks since he has a good one now, he can get the mortgage. But I am feeling more and more confident that he won't get want he wants. More than anything, I don't want a three-year legal battle. I am still afraid of what he'll do since I won't sign over the title, but I am going to beat him to the punch and file now and force him to move out.

[M30USA]

Unfortunately manipulative and abusive people are the ones who come out on top in family court. I'm sorry to hear your situation. Is there ANYONE who can help you get a skilled lawyer?

[Michael Johnson]

Is he seeing another woman?

[Tobietoes]

Is he seeing another woman?

 

Yes. I have been doing some sneaking around and found an e-mail thread from a woman who was planning to meet up with him. I can't tell if they ever met. I contacted her and she said she would "rock his world" and make him leave me.

 

I also called one of his contacts on his phone that I didn't recognize the name from his work... she said she was a "customer" and wouldn't say more than that. My husband first said she was a friend, then a coworker, then a client from work. I think it sounds like she is a prostitute.

 

He has all sorts of female friends on facebook, but he blocked me from his page now and I can't see what kind of stuff he is saying to them or what they are posting on his page. When I was still his "wife" on facebook, the girls would post flirty stuff. He just said it was harmless fun and wouldn't admit to cheating.

 

He's only admitted to cheating on me once in the beginning of our marriage with a girl that we initially had a threesome with... but I suspect there have been many others.

 

To be fair, I've cheated on him too... but only with one man.

[Tobietoes]

Being the original feminist that I am I hope he gets the house and full custody of any children, gender equality all the way.

 

We have no children together, I have a 12 and 6 year old from a previous marriage.

 

You are mean. I don't care if I get to keep the house (although I would prefer it). I just don't want him to have it if I can't keep it.

 

I'm looking for a lawyer and putting out apps for a new job, but I doubt I can get one.... I have no skills and no education except HS. I am hoping to find a lawyer that can skillfully show he is sue-happy and just out for my house. I don't need to prove he's abusive or has been cheating, but I guess that will come into play if he claims the same on me.

[scatterd]

Yes. I have been doing some sneaking around and found an e-mail thread from a woman who was planning to meet up with him. I can't tell if they ever met. I contacted her and she said she would "rock his world" and make him leave me

.

 

This man is obviously pissed off and hurt for being cheated on. If he cheats also you need to save his messaging also. He is threatening you with what he knows you want. Get a job now and then find an attorney. As far as him taking the house he can not do that. You might be ordered to sell though because when married and divorcing everything gets split in half. Taping voice conversations is not legal or used in court and As far as the person getting more because they pay more is not true also because you are married. You both need to step away from each other to avoid any more fighting. Let your attorney do the fighting for you both. Do you have different rooms in the house? If you do go in a separate room so husband and you do not fight. I hope at some point you both can communicate and split things fairly.

[Balzac]

Makes one question if other assets exist in her name. Cash business? She can easily determine what if any equity exists.

 

Nice summary btw.

[Ami1uwant]

We have no children together, I have a 12 and 6 year old from a previous marriage.

 

You are mean. I don't care if I get to keep the house (although I would prefer it). I just don't want him to have it if I can't keep it.

 

I'm looking for a lawyer and putting out apps for a new job, but I doubt I can get one.... I have no skills and no education except HS. I am hoping to find a lawyer that can skillfully show he is sue-happy and just out for my house. I don't need to prove he's abusive or has been cheating, but I guess that will come into play if he claims the same on me.

 

Since you purchased the house in your name only the house is yours. Since Michigan is not a community property state he cant claim him earning the income and making a housing payment means he has a certain right to the house. I

 

Do you have a joint bank acount...have you followed the money stuff?

 

In terms of a lawyer...you can find one through various charatable organizations that protect battered women.

[scatterd]

Sometimes they will make the person thats stays buy out the other person. Talk to an attorney they can give you advice. I hate divorces

I had two and they both sucked.

[scatterd]

I went to an Attorney and made one payment. The Attorney asked the judge to make the Ex pay for both attorneys due to husband making alot more money then I did. The courts did order him to pay for both our attorneys.

[carhill]

OP, do I understand correctly that neither you nor your spouse have filed a petition for divorce with the court?

 

Does your court have a self-help desk/family law center?

 

Regarding distribution, Michigan is an equitable distribution state which means that the court may distribute any assets of either party in any manner it sees fit. The standard is that the property division must be fair and equitable under all of the circumstances of the case

 

Check with the court and see if the divorce and financial matters can be bifurcated. This might diffuse things somewhat.

 

Divorce isn't Perry Mason. Your H's expertise in pro-se arguments can cut both ways, depending on the court judge assigned to the case. I would proceed on the facts and not be concerned with his courtroom 'success'.

 

My lawyer, whom I had substantial consult with prior to filing, took credit cards

 

My advice is something my lawyer gave to me: Pick one thing that matters, just one; focus on that and everything else is negotiable/open to compromise. For example, in my D I wished to protect my ability to perform end-of-life care for my mom, so that is what our financial and legal strategies focused on. It meant 'giving up' in other areas. Nothing is perfect.

 

Good luck.

[Jethro]

He sounds like a real piece of work and frankly, so do you. You can call me mean too, I could care less, becasue you'd be right, I am mean. If you are a grocery clerk, and can't afford the house, than why do you want to fight for it? Just for spite? I know in my situation, and I assume for many, the family house was like a big, emotional poker chip. We both "built" it, we both had emotional ties to the property, so it was like neither of us wanted it or could afford it solely, but neither of us wanted the other to get it either. Pissing contest. Do yourself a favor and let the damn house go. The house isn't the issue, your soon to be ex spouse is the issue. Don't let a pile of lumber and shingles cloud your vision.

[Yasuandio]

My divorce trial was this pst August 20, 21, and 22. A huge piece of evidence we relied on at trial was a tape recording between my husband and I that I covertly recorded in December 2008. It was admitted into evidence and played in court. I live in Atlanta area. My attorney told me, back then, there was no law preventing me from tape recording my husband's and my convo without his knowledge. Now, of course, laws governing such tape recordings could vary from state to state. That's why it is critical to consult an attorney so you know exactly what you are doing.

 

Neither you nor your husband have conduct you want brought in front of a judge (affairs, prostitutes, threesomes, physical abuse, etc.). Judges don't really want to hear the gorry details of this kind of stuff. Three year divorce trials cost a lot of money (mine was four years - you could buy a home outright with the cost of our joint legal and expert witness fees - a very nice home).

 

Your husband probably is just shooting off his big mouth. His pride is hurt due to your infidelity (in his mind - his infidelity doesn't really count - that's just how it is, double standard). It takes some crazy obsessed sick SOB to stretch a divorce trial out 3-4 years. But if marriage is very short, and your assets are smaller, as yours are (and less complicated) - you can get in front of the judge and get it over with quicker. There are no ties and strings and insurances and expensive business evaluators, (and in my case, a medical expert witness) that needs to testify. Even better with no kids!

 

Get look'in for that great, better-paying job now - it will improve your confidence. Get a decent attorney - keep it simple (KISS principle) - get it over. You may have to buy him out of his contribution to 1/2 the mortgage. Fair is fair. Alimony probably not, due to conduct - and length of marriage, plus you're already collecting child support - but you never know what a judge will do. Just doesn't seem worth fighting for. Time and money better spent on you and your advancement and education.

 

As for setting him up for an arrest just prior to a divorce filing -- judges are like so wise to that strategy. Don' do it, don't ever think about doing it, and don't ever ever write about doing it again. Good luck to you. YAS

[jf2good]

Why would any man or women want a house they can't afford. What you need is the cash equity and to walk away from all bills. I want the house if I divorce as the wife can't afford to maintain it nor pay the bills, so why throw good money after bad.