Shinobi Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 hey all just a quick question. (havnt spoken to ex in however long its been and dont expect to be hearing from her anytime soon and tbh im not really bothered by that so thats all good) but yeah met a girl the other day at a party and we slept on the lounge togethers (as in "zzzz" sleep) and have been texting a fair bit since. i know im in no place to start anything with someone else (nor do i want to really, want to try out this 'single' lifestyle) so yeah just wondering how i let her know that without sounding like a prick or stuffing things up? any help/advice will do Disclaimer: Hey buddy, I'll go directly into your face so I do not mean any offence and don't take it as one. You didn't learn anything from your break up, did you? Your girfriend left for another guy, my friend, classical case. Whether or not you accept that or believe something else... And you can't tell me "but that's not the reason" because you yourself do not know, as I see from your thread. She is riding every night some other dude and you bother yourself with questions "how to tell some new chick I am not ready for a relationship..." GO FU*K her, my friend (if you like her) and do not say anything like "commitment" because SHE will laugh at you. If you do not like her for fu*k buddy- just say that to her- "I do not like you" and leave her alone. The break up situation is perfect to learn about yourself, women and life. I do not think like before and I do not look at women the same way. My heart was ripped (just like yours) and from then on I treat women like objects. NO, I do not treat them disrespectfully, even the opposite, but you need to know what you want from them and just take it. I will never let a woman play with my heart again because now I play with their hearts. Learn how to be a player, build a team of fu*k buddies and I guarantee you that someday smoething special will appear. Then you will decide what you want with this woman but it will be much easier because you will have control over your feelings and your heart will not be broken. It will be impossible... Treat them with respect but not with importance. Do not talk bullsh*t to this girl how broken your heart is because she has her story how her heart was broken too. BE A MAN and give what she wants without any plans for the future... Don't promise anything, just have some fun. Keep looking for other opportunities. I know you think about your ex, it's normal but life goes on, am I right? Keep silence towards your ex and this bit*h will contact you some time in the future. You must take every opportunity with every woman you like. Do it. 1
Chi townD Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 hey all just a quick question. (havnt spoken to ex in however long its been and dont expect to be hearing from her anytime soon and tbh im not really bothered by that so thats all good) but yeah met a girl the other day at a party and we slept on the lounge togethers (as in "zzzz" sleep) and have been texting a fair bit since. i know im in no place to start anything with someone else (nor do i want to really, want to try out this 'single' lifestyle) so yeah just wondering how i let her know that without sounding like a prick or stuffing things up? any help/advice will do Well, be honest with her and trust me she'll appreicate it. Just tell her that you enjoy her company, your conversations and the time you spend with her. But, you are coming out of a relationship and a really bad break up where you were hurt. And that your not looking to jump back into one. But, you would still like to continue to see her because she is a lot of fun and that you would like to take her out on the town with the promise of a fun evening with no strings attached. Then, who knows what will happen over time. But, if she knows what she's walking into she can make the choice either to continue to see you or move on to someone that more ready to commit to a relationship. BUT!!! At least you'll be upfront and give HER that choice, she'll appreicate you for it and your honesty, you can't go wrong being honest.
Author mvc Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 Disclaimer: Hey buddy, I'll go directly into your face so I do not mean any offence and don't take it as one. You didn't learn anything from your break up, did you? Your girfriend left for another guy, my friend, classical case. Whether or not you accept that or believe something else... And you can't tell me "but that's not the reason" because you yourself do not know, as I see from your thread. She is riding every night some other dude and you bother yourself with questions "how to tell some new chick I am not ready for a relationship..." GO FU*K her, my friend (if you like her) and do not say anything like "commitment" because SHE will laugh at you. If you do not like her for fu*k buddy- just say that to her- "I do not like you" and leave her alone. The break up situation is perfect to learn about yourself, women and life. I do not think like before and I do not look at women the same way. My heart was ripped (just like yours) and from then on I treat women like objects. NO, I do not treat them disrespectfully, even the opposite, but you need to know what you want from them and just take it. I will never let a woman play with my heart again because now I play with their hearts. Learn how to be a player, build a team of fu*k buddies and I guarantee you that someday smoething special will appear. Then you will decide what you want with this woman but it will be much easier because you will have control over your feelings and your heart will not be broken. It will be impossible... Treat them with respect but not with importance. Do not talk bullsh*t to this girl how broken your heart is because she has her story how her heart was broken too. BE A MAN and give what she wants without any plans for the future... Don't promise anything, just have some fun. Keep looking for other opportunities. I know you think about your ex, it's normal but life goes on, am I right? Keep silence towards your ex and this bit*h will contact you some time in the future. You must take every opportunity with every woman you like. Do it. no offence taken id say im still learning. the break up isnt finished yet, only been a couple of months but im obviously doing a lot better now than i had been. she is most likely with someone else, but atm that is a "what if" as i dont know for sure and the only way to find out is contact her and thats no reason to break no contact. im trying to steer clear of the "what ifs" as they get you nowhere. but my thoughts have gone from picturing her with someone else and feeling sick to picturing her with someone else and thinking 'who gives a ****'. (im aware this may change when its confirmed she is with someone else but until that ever happens no point wasting time worrying bout it) with the new girl i have no expectations really i just dont want to lead her on thinking a relationship is on the cards. see so many threads about rebounds ending on here and i dont want to go through that (if i can help it). but yeah will hopefully just continue hanging out and see how we go i fully understand what you say about putting yourself first and its hopefully what i will learn from the breakup. i gave the ex too much say and as a result she walked off without a 2nd thought.
Author mvc Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 Well, be honest with her and trust me she'll appreicate it. Just tell her that you enjoy her company, your conversations and the time you spend with her. But, you are coming out of a relationship and a really bad break up where you were hurt. And that your not looking to jump back into one. But, you would still like to continue to see her because she is a lot of fun and that you would like to take her out on the town with the promise of a fun evening with no strings attached. Then, who knows what will happen over time. But, if she knows what she's walking into she can make the choice either to continue to see you or move on to someone that more ready to commit to a relationship. BUT!!! At least you'll be upfront and give HER that choice, she'll appreicate you for it and your honesty, you can't go wrong being honest. so do you suggest bringing it up? or wait until something brings it up? im big on honesty (considering the ex had none) so dont want to be leading anyone on.
todreaminblue Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 just looking for opinions on how to act (i know only i can decide whats best, but different views never hurt) THE RUNDOWN: so i was with my gf/ex for 6 years, we got together when we were 17 and have only been with each other. we have travelled the world together and done pretty much everything together. this year she got a job in the city (2hr drive away) and moved down there while i finished my education and am now looking at jobs in the city. we have been looking at places down there to move into as its always been our dream to live and work there. 5 weeks ago she broke up with me over the phone without any reasons. we met a week later and i tried talking to her but she wasnt interested (when in conflict she puts up this barrier that she hides behind and pretends there is no issue so she doesnt get hurt/feel guilty) and we have now been in NC ever since. my problem is that i feel like i need to know why if im going to move on, whether its the distance or shes seeing someone else sure its gonna hurt but feel as though id move on quicker if i knew why as opposed to being left in the dark. so my current 'plan' is to see her in the near future and try get her to talk about what the problem(s) is, see if there is a fix, if not leave things there. im also writing a letter of my memories of our time together and was going to send that to her i suppose as my way of saying goodbye. the question i have is that should i bother try meet her and get her to talk or do i just send her the letter or do i just leave it all completely??? its not that im desperate to get back with her i just dont want to look back on this in months or years time and wonder why didnt i try this or why didnt i do that writing something totally different to every one else again but....... what it depends on is how important is the relationship to you how important it is she to you and this i do know.......i put up barriers when i am in conflict its protection.I am not the type when in conflict to go be with soemone else just because i have barriers...in fact i would be the opposite i definitely wouldn't want to see another guy let alone sleep with a barrier in place.......if that barrier stopped my partner from getting in theres no chance on gods green earth some random would get through....but thats me......your gf, you know her though spent serious time with her ....and if that current plan of talking to her is what is in your heart you should follow that heart of yours.... nobody can say yep its another guy they dont know her you do however...has she ever cheated on you? I would guess.....its a no..... people who put up barriers around people they love mostly and i say mostly there are exceptions to the rule...have barriers automatically in place against people they dont know that well they are harder to get to know and they mostly are hard work in a relationship.....are they worth it........is your gf worth it.....only you can answer that........ i think most of the time my fight or flight response...is too high maintenance for most men.stops me from forming close relationships with just any man.......i need a very understanding man who can actually see me and see the barriers being put up and say hey .....nah you are not doing that.When i am interested in someone i am ready with the escape clause for them because i dont mean to put up barriers, cant even say i like putting up barriers because i isolate myself and that is disheartening......my barrier building is automatic ..im too much effort for a guy who isnt patient....i end up copping it.......you choose what to do with your gf....dont go against your heart....you would regret it..good or bad outcome at least you followed what is true to you.. as i said different post from most on here.....but mine comes from a barrier protected and built heart......and a woman who has a very strong flight response....i need a wing clipper.....;0)......or someone to hide my shoes........deb
Recommended Posts