Blueman12 Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 (edited) I started dating a girl and things escalated very quickly. New practically moved in together and spent lots of time together...even going on trips together. We were only together a couple months in total. When we started dating I knew she just out of a LTR. Long story short, her ex fell in some really rough situation and went to her for help and has been trying to get her back anyway...she ended up breaking up with me. I know her feelings for me were true and real, but I also know you can't really compare a few months of feelings to a number of years of feelings. He is moving back in and they are trying to work thru things. She said she asked him not to talk to the girl(s) he was seeing and he asked the same of her, so she can't talk to me for now at least. I know she misses me and has feelings for me, but feels she needs to do this now. I'm sure he told her what she wanted to hear and I'm sure they will probably have resentment from having seen other ppl..I also think he probably hasnt changed at all in 3 months and whatever made them break up the first time is probably still there. I am having such a hard time with this. I miss her so much and cry constantly--is there a chance for me and her? What do I do? Someone please let me know. Especially if you've been in this situation!! Edited September 14, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
CptSaveAho Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 You were a rebound, her feelings for you are a projection of your own feelings... and feelings transferred from her ex transference - definition of transference by the Free Online Dictionary, Thesaurus and Encyclopedia.
Mr Reptile Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 You were a rebound as said and forgive me, but this is a total b1tch who let all this happend. She knew exactly what she had to do, go THREW the BU. Instead, she use you and comparing you with him. That's only selfish, and after a 3-yearsRL you are not over them in 3-4 months. She may have felt better, but you don't throw yourself into a new relationship like that. And still, she let you "move in" and made you think that you found the love of your life, but then ditch you like you were nothing when the ex starts to show up. You deserve better, go complete NC and learn from this. I've been a rebound too, and nothing good comes from it... leave her with her ex and stop crying, she is not worth your tears. Leave her NO option, forget her and find another one.
Author Blueman12 Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 But what if I want to be with her? I want her to realize I'm better than him and let her get this out of her system and when it fails she will realize how perfect we are for each other... I know this probably sounds pathetic but our connection was SO perfect and so intense...it's just how can it possibly compete with something that has 3 yrs to develop...
Mr Reptile Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 I hear what you are sayin then, if YOU think it's worth then wait for her to realise how much better you are. I see this from another view then you are, and to me this stinks. But if you think she is "the one" who am I to judge. Keep in mind that in the future, maybe she can easily dump you like this again for another guy. Now it's your call, if you think it's worth it, you stand up and show your value. Let her decide kinda quick, because she can't keep you as a safety-net in case "it doesn't work out again" with the ex. She have to decide very soon how to do, so you can know if you should move on or fight for this. If she is more attached to the ex then you know what to do: Move on. It's easier to move on if you KNOW that's the only option. But don't take this too hard, because I think all memories and nostalgic thoughs about her ex is coming up, it's nothing about that you are not good enough.
Author Blueman12 Posted September 14, 2012 Author Posted September 14, 2012 Thanks for your replies...she has let him move back in with her because he has nowhere else to go and they are trying to work on things..but I feel like eventually whatever broke them up will return and she will realize she made a mistake ..and then come back ...
MonsterMash Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Thanks for your replies...she has let him move back in with her because he has nowhere else to go and they are trying to work on things..but I feel like eventually whatever broke them up will return and she will realize she made a mistake ..and then come back ... And if that happens, you will only be together long enough for them to patch things up and for her to go back to him. Its a cycle.....THEIR cycle. You're just collateral damage. Be happy you're out of it and stay away from her. It will save you some pain.
JustALittleBit Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 'I also know you can't really compare 2 months of feelings to 3 years of feelings.' This. Don't even try. You don't really know if her feelings for you were true or not, and unfortunately if she got back with him then the deep love she had for him was worth more to her than the (most likely infatuation) she had with you. So what do you want? Do you want to experience that deep love for someone too and be their number 1? Because if you do then you need to let this one go, move on and value yourself. Stay single, do NOT jump into a new relationship or you'll leave someone else feeling like this. One day a girl will come along who will fall for you and you'll fall for her, and the fact that you will stay together will allow you to build something with her and have a real relationship. Unfortunately two months is really just the tip of it, you never got there with this girl and I think you would be seriously selling yourself short if you waited around for her. Also just as a lady, I would not find it particularly attractive if a guy did this for me AFTER I had broken up with him to get with someone else. To me it would just show that he didn't value himself that much. There's a chance that in a few years things will all fall into place, but if that's meant to happen it will happen in it's own time and the best thing you can do for yourself, any future relationships and even THIS possible future relationship (although highly unlikely) is to 100% move on and get rid of any lingering feelings for her.
TopCat22 Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 I'm really sorry to hear this. As others have said you were clearly a rebound. It sucks but you have to realise that when someone has been in a serious RS for a while and isn't far removed from it (3 months is nothing) then you are playing with fire. I know it will hurt to hear, but there is nothing you can do. She decided her ex was the person she wanted to be with. You say what if YOU want to be with her, but what does SHE want? For a RS to work both parties have to want to be together. I'm sure she does have some feelings for you but her feelings for her ex are stronger. Grieve and move on. Next time make sure not to fall for them if you know they've just come out of a serious RS.
Recommended Posts