Just really having a hard day today

[Hindsight_is_20_20]

Is this normal after almost 4 months? I had a dream last night about him and another girl. I haven't had one of those in almost two months. I felt a real improvement these last few months and the past few days I just feel like crying all day again.

 

Is this part of the process or am I regressing? I don't know what the **** is going on anymore with me.

[barese1]

I've had a few dreams about the ex since my split 5 months ago. They seem to just come up for no reason. i wouldn't worry about it. I know it makes you feel sh^tty but as long as its not every night you'll be fine.

[Freshstart637]

I felt good this morning and now starting to feel like crap again. Oh, the joys of being attached.

 

 

Any ladies on here lonely? Need a companion friend to txt with?

[Mr Reptile]

It's normal to have these days, the good news is that they are rare. Not a majority of the "days going by".

 

I've been single for 4 months, and have my bad days but most of them are good

[Philipa]

I have felt like this too - Just when you think you are getting on fine, even though you are still hurting a little but its bare-able (and you have good days too where you start to feel excited about the future)....

 

and then you dream about them whether they are ignoring you in the dream or you have a blissful reunion, it still hurts. a lot. This is just your mind processing the break up however - and its probably good you are facing these feelings, even if its hurts at the time. I had a dream my ex boyfriend and I were at a gig and he was hugging me from behind like he used to with his arms wrapped around me - I woke up with that warm fuzzy feeling mixed with heartache all over again. Our minds can be cruel, but don't beat yourself up or panic about it - you'll get over him completely when you're ready

 

Keep being strong and kind to yourself. x

[Freshstart637]

Not sure if my feelings are bearable. Every time I get hit with the emotional wave, I feel like literally driving off a cliff or figuring out how I am going to end things.

[KathyM]

It's normal to have these dreams or thoughts from time to time when you've suffered a loss of someone you were close to. You are probably finding that the dreams become less frequent as time goes on, but you will still experience it at times. If it's something you are having trouble coping with, you may want to consider talking to a counselor to help you overcome your feelings of sadness over this.

[Hindsight_is_20_20]

Thank you for all the replies. It helps to know I'm not completely crazy for feeling this way, though, hours later and I'm still feeling awful. I can't shake it. It's a total "fear" feeling. Like a panicky, hopeless, deep sadness feeling.

 

I KNOW in time, this will get easier, I just thought by now I'd be at a place of calm. I thought this intensity I feel wouldn't come back like this. I had a feeling that the calm I was starting to feel wouldn't last, and sure enough it didn't.

 

I haven't had any contact.. know nothing new about him or what he's up to, so I can't fathom as to why now. Again, trying to make logical sense out of something that is illogical...

 

I've gotten over all of my exes at some point. I KNOW, somewhere, (logically) that I will get over him. I'm consciously trying to not rush myself, not rush into dating (though at first I messed that one up royally and felt worse) or even casually hooking up with anyone, trying not to beat myself up about things I feel like I'm dropping the ball on, etc. Started working out more, doing things for myself... but my patience is wearing and I can't seem to push through this.

 

 

@Freshstart637 - I felt like you do the first few weeks post breakup. Honestly, I thought I didn't have the energy to endure the process of getting over this. Are you just newly out of your relationship? I have to admit that I'm better than i was in the beginning and this intensity I am feeling today is not the everyday norm for me like it was. I just go back and forth from feeling angry to sad that he screwed this all up, then after I breakdown I'm calm again for awhile. I'm just going through the motions of getting through the weeks with some goodish days between the bad.

 

If you can try to push those thoughts out of your mind, even if for a minute or two at a time, it'll eventually get easier to do and it won't be at the forefront of your thoughts ALL the time. Tell yourself you just need to get through today and you can worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Try not to project into the future too much right now. It'll seem overwhelming. I know I am most okay when my mind is in the now and not in the future. That's when the panic sets in.

[yoman38]

yeah from my experience healing comes in waves, it's not a maintained perfect linear decrease in pain. Rather you heal feel a little bit better then something happens and you feel bad for a while and the process repeats. But every time it repeats you the feeling better part is more dominant, and the feeling bad part diminishes becomes less potent. Kind of like a sinusoidal wave with increasing peaks and smaller troughs.

[Freshstart637]

Thank you for all the replies. It helps to know I'm not completely crazy for feeling this way, though, hours later and I'm still feeling awful. I can't shake it. It's a total "fear" feeling. Like a panicky, hopeless, deep sadness feeling.

 

I KNOW in time, this will get easier, I just thought by now I'd be at a place of calm. I thought this intensity I feel wouldn't come back like this. I had a feeling that the calm I was starting to feel wouldn't last, and sure enough it didn't.

 

I haven't had any contact.. know nothing new about him or what he's up to, so I can't fathom as to why now. Again, trying to make logical sense out of something that is illogical...

 

I've gotten over all of my exes at some point. I KNOW, somewhere, (logically) that I will get over him. I'm consciously trying to not rush myself, not rush into dating (though at first I messed that one up royally and felt worse) or even casually hooking up with anyone, trying not to beat myself up about things I feel like I'm dropping the ball on, etc. Started working out more, doing things for myself... but my patience is wearing and I can't seem to push through this.

 

 

@Freshstart637 - I felt like you do the first few weeks post breakup. Honestly, I thought I didn't have the energy to endure the process of getting over this. Are you just newly out of your relationship? I have to admit that I'm better than i was in the beginning and this intensity I am feeling today is not the everyday norm for me like it was. I just go back and forth from feeling angry to sad that he screwed this all up, then after I breakdown I'm calm again for awhile. I'm just going through the motions of getting through the weeks with some goodish days between the bad.

 

If you can try to push those thoughts out of your mind, even if for a minute or two at a time, it'll eventually get easier to do and it won't be at the forefront of your thoughts ALL the time. Tell yourself you just need to get through today and you can worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Try not to project into the future too much right now. It'll seem overwhelming. I know I am most okay when my mind is in the now and not in the future. That's when the panic sets in.

 

 

It will be 3 weeks tomorrow, she just left our house without saying anything. Finally got a hold of her last Thursday when I mentioned again about the house. It's both under our names and I need her to sign a quit deed. She came over that Thrusday, I packed her SUV with the rest of her stuff, her son cried, and I kicked them out.

 

She still hasn't given the quit deed to give up her interest in the house. I told my Aunt to deal with her, I'm done. All down payment and closing costs were from me, so she should just sign it over. I told her I needed it ASAP so we can both move on, it's one of our last ties together, other than our joint checking account. Which she still put money in yesterday.

 

I haven't gone a day without talking to her before. I had severe depression during the first 2 weeks. No sleep or eating. I lost so much weight and got even thinner. Been hitting the gym since and trying to get my endorphin's going. Sucks since we used to jog together, brings back memories.

 

Only other activity I have not taken her to is surfing. But I tried to pick that back up and really wanted to drown myself. Then, I cut my leg a lil hoping a shark would smell the blood and eat me. Not good.

 

Help me?

 

I know I am more stable and better than she is in a lot of things, but when it comes to heart breaks I am so bad. Too sensitive and get emotionally attached after 4 years.

[Calico]

I know I am more stable and better than she is in a lot of things, but when it comes to heart breaks I am so bad. Too sensitive and get emotionally attached after 4 years.

 

That's two of us. I usually manage to pull myself out, but no such luck today. Woke up four times today, each time after a dream of her. All of them involving the new guy, too, and her kissing me. Even dreamed and thought about drinking, but that's not somewhere I want to go.

 

I hope the day picks up, but right now it's agony pure and my own tips don't seem to help. I wish I could get myself to dislike her. Oh well, have to move forward, there is nothing waiting in the past. Hope your days gets better (all of you guys).

[Hindsight_is_20_20]

Only other activity I have not taken her to is surfing. But I tried to pick that back up and really wanted to drown myself. Then, I cut my leg a lil hoping a shark would smell the blood and eat me. Not good.

 

I thought to take up surfing too. I'm in S. Cali as well. But all I have echoing in the back of my mind is my ex once telling me, "why do you want to surf? so you can have a bunch of guys hitting on you out there?" since most of the time it's guys out there and there was NO WAY that I actually just wanted to go out there and try to surf because I actually liked it. A**h***.

 

You're going to be okay Freshstart, it's just a slow process, we're all having to deal with these emotions. When you feel like you can't go on, just come here. That's what I've been doing and it does help. Someday we won't need it anymore but until then.. I'm glad this forum is here. I honestly don't know where I'd be without it.

 

You're through the worst part, if you stick to NC. I think it's really important to stay NC and not go digging for information on her right now. You can find out the "whys" when you're over her but I doubt by that time that you'll still care.

[Freshstart637]

Beilieve me I dont look at any of her stuff to keep sane. Everything is gone of hers from our house too. This has to be my 4th rodeo. I have work in like 5 hours and I am now reading kindle books on how to be happy instead of breakup books.

 

Ex haited me surfing too. She thought it was to meet girls. Really? 5 am in 68 degrees water. Id rather meet a heater.

 

Omg you are from s.cali also? Where in socal?

 

So weird that I dont look forward to weekends anymore.

[Gab09]

Everytime..

 

Every single time, this place gives me such comfort.. It's amazing, and it's not that one enjoys reading other peoples problems.. But it's nice to not feel so alone..

 

This place should get more publicity, i'm sure it's helped a lot of people.. And I think even after I get over my ex (hopefully not too long ) I'll stick around for the next generation of broken hearts.

 

You guys just basically described all the feelings I'm going through. It's very hard and amazing how you can be down for 2-3 hours.. then all of a sudden, something triggers in your head like "what the **** am I doing".. and suddenly, you're ok again.. and vice versa :/

[Hindsight_is_20_20]

Gab09, glad you can find some comfort here. I feel that way too when I read a post that just validates, in a sense, how I'm feeling. Just need to ride out these waves so to speak.

 

The thought of looking up my ex online came into my head for a moment today; it was scary. I just barely knew better to not do it. Seemed like I was almost about to convince myself that it would give me some kind of closure. NO NO NO NO NO. I don't feel the need as strongly right now, thank g*d.

 

Freshstart, I live in Orange County. Surf City. I take it you're either in Orange County too or San Diego if you're surfing?

[Gab09]

Don't do it.. But I can strongly relate..

 

A couple of weeks before we broke up, we thought it was a good idea to get two brand new phones.. The most expensive phones and on a 2 year contract..

 

Big mistake :/

 

I got the galaxy S3 (the next best thing, yes haha) and she got the newest blackberry.. Well, this freaking phone, comes with an app, already installed.. It's a tmobile app that tells you the minutes and messages used.. ON BOTH PHONES!

 

So I have to live through that everyday and just not think about checking it, I have cheated a couple of times, but I'm getting used to it and don't do it anymore..

 

But uh, I remember when my ex had a facebook.. It was insanity everyday all over again.. Good thing this time she doesn't have one .

[Freshstart637]

Yes, I also have all of my ex's account info and I don't look at squat. I think one of the books I read said, let go of everything. I just need to get her to sign 2 pieces of paper and we are done. I don't know why she is taking her sweet lil time on signing. We even have a joint account and she made a deposit in it yesterday. ???

 

Hindsight - Yes I am from the OC. I live really close to um, Knott's. Do you have an email address? I think we would make great support buddies if possible. Or is there something like that already on here? I read a lot of forum boards at work, but usually I am never posting. So weird what a broken heart can do.

[Keepittogether122]

I am sorry you are suffering. I am just starting my journey in this painful world myself. My wife of 21 years is moving out this weekend. She has a new appartment. I don't sleep, eat and feel it's all I can do to hold it together to interact with people when I'm at work. I just want to curl up and die right now.

It's sad to hear you are still in pain 4 months later. I was hoping this feeling was temporary.

 

Hang in there freshstart. It has to get better.

[Mr Reptile]

Wow, you've been married for 21 years? That's my whole life.

 

I can imagine how hard you must feel, and I complain about a 11 month relationship that ended.

But this IS temporary, you got a life before your wife and you have one after her.

Hang in there! The pain will fade away

[Keepittogether122]

Thank you for the reply. I sure hope it does. We were married very young. She was 19 and I was 20. Had kids right away (3 kids 20,19&12). We both just turned 40. My whole life experience has been with her. I have been with her longer than I have been single! I am constantly thinking about her and have countless triggers that remind me of her. There was a lady on the plane yesterday that was using the lotion my wife uses. I buy it for her because it's her favorite. The smell nearly had me curled up in my seat. What the hell!?! How am I going to get past her? I can't go NC because of our 12 year old and will be forced to contact her for logistical reasons.

 

I need major help right now!

[stemac]

Thank you for the reply. I sure hope it does. We were married very young. She was 19 and I was 20. Had kids right away (3 kids 20,19&12). We both just turned 40. My whole life experience has been with her. I have been with her longer than I have been single! I am constantly thinking about her and have countless triggers that remind me of her. There was a lady on the plane yesterday that was using the lotion my wife uses. I buy it for her because it's her favorite. The smell nearly had me curled up in my seat. What the hell!?! How am I going to get past her? I can't go NC because of our 12 year old and will be forced to contact her for logistical reasons.

 

I need major help right now!

 

hello Keepittogether

 

and i hope you are Keeping it together,I am in my 40s to my girlfriend left about

5 weeks ago, GIGS " grass is greener syndrome" she nearly told me it was that

as well

21 years is a very long time and you must be so heart broken, its the most

terrible thing to go through, its the worst roller coaster ride ive ever been on and i want to get off

now,

 

first of all you need to start eating don't do what i did and not eat, Food give

you energy you will need it believe me, you cant go NC, and that's going to be

very hard on you, if you want to cry do it cry as much as you can, ive cried so much in the last 3 days i could fill a bath with the tears ive cried, talk

about it and keep talking DON'T bottle it up, there is no quick Fix am afraid

Time is your best Friend and he will heal you

 

if you need to talk keep posting you will make friends on here who know what

you are going through and will try to help you :-)

 

try stay strong and EAT !!!

 

i lost 2 stone in 5 weeks that 28 lb

and i am still losing but im trying that's all i can do

[Freshstart637]

Wow 21 years. My gosh, my sympathy goes out to you. Hang in there. Are you kids there for you emotionally? Rearrange the house as soon as you can. Get some meal replacement food. At least drink something with calories and take some multi-vitamins.

 

It's going to be a roller coaster, reading your posts is giving me strength. I guess we all have to go through this.

 

Is your ex emotionally stable?

 

What sucks for me, is my ex isn't, she can suppress her feelings and just move on. She is emotionally detached from the world and has happiness from new things. So, deep in my heart I know she doesn't even remember me. She's able to block feelings and have no remorse. She has had so much emotional trauma in the past. It sucks when trying to analyze the situation and the other person defies the law of anything.

 

Hang in there again.....

 

Who ever is in Cali, we should get a support group going.

[Keepittogether122]

Yeah... not sure if the 21 year thing is what hurts most but i know leaving any relationship is hard. Just never thought it would be me going through this.

She is not emotionally stable. She has depression, feels like I have taken over everything in our house as it relates to decisions, etc. and says she feels like everything she does is wrong. I disagree but this latest bomb she is throwing at our family is certainly wrong in my mind. Deep down, I know I need to let her go, do this thing that has been nagging at her mind for the past few years and see just how fun it is when she's sitting in her appartment alone. With exception of our youngest, the older kids don't want anything to do with this and certinaly assing the blame on her.

I do my best to explain that she is going through something right now but no slack from our 20yr old daugher.

 

Very difficult day. Not sure how I am going to cope with her moving out this weekend. I am used to helping with everything but not this time.

[Mr Reptile]

The thing is, you havn't been single for a long time and it's a whole new world to you.

This is actually the fun part! You gonna learn and improve your datingskills, the journey is the best.

 

And don't think "I'm too old for this" because that is bs!

Think about the freedom, and you got your kids, be a good example for them!

 

Enjoy this time, you havn't been this free in a long time.

[Keepittogether122]

Thanks for the positive post. I do hope someday I get past the feelings I have now and will want to date someone else. For now, I am going to work on me while she works on her own feelings. If we decide to get back together, we will both be better people and hope to be stronger than ever.

Believe it or not, we were like newlyweds after her affair in 2007. It took time for me to heal and lots of counceling to understand each other and why things happend the way they did but once we had those tools, we were unstoppable. Somewhere, that was was lost again. I know it has to do with the time she spent building her business. We did not set time aside for the two of us. Just work, kids and work some more.

 

Thank you again for keeping it positive and not just suggesting I nail her to the wall with a good attorney. I know that is the case in some relationships but 21 years is nothing to throw away in my mind even though she's doing just that right now. We have been through major issues together. This issue just seems to be bigger than the rest.

 

For now, heal myself so I am prepared to move on if that is what this comes to 6 months from now.