Just started seeing a great guy, unsure of things

[colombiana28]

I met this guy a week ago. Cute, sexy, quirky, makes more than me (I've really only dated jobless/minimum wage guys in the past). We've spent a lot of time together. And I started out really into him, and now I'm not so sure.

 

It was all going very well until he told me how much I mean to him, how perfect he thinks I am, and how he tends to jump into things with "both feet in" and he wants me to tell him if I'm looking for an actual relationship, not just a FWB-type thing. I told him I'm definitely not looking for FWB with him, and I do desire a relationship with him. Well, ever since that conversation he just always seems to be giving off very intense vibes. I don't even think he's acting any different than he was before, I just seem to see him differently. When I'm eating with him or we're sitting on the couch watching something, I'll notice him staring at me and when I look at him he'll sigh and say, "You're so beautiful" and then light-heartedly apologizes for staring. It's not a creepy thing or anything, it's truly sweet. But it scares me. I feel that inevitable pang in my gut that I'm going to eventually let him down.

 

I don't know why, but since the "where are we going" conversation, suddenly I'm feeling unsure. Little things I didn't notice before kind of get on my nerves. And I can't tell if it's because I sense true incompatibility or I just have emotional intimacy problems.

 

I like him a lot...he's honest, attentive, and goes out of his way to attend to my needs. With my past boyfriends, I was always going out of my way to do the sweet and thoughtful things for them, and rarely felt like it was returned, which slowly built up resentment in me (I had a hard time voicing my needs) and I ended up breaking it off each time. I've always vowed to be with someone in the long term who can return the sweetness and thoughtfulness. Well, here I am, on the cusp of something that could be great...and I'm so confused.

 

Somebody please tell me that I'm being immature and I can make this work. I don't want to let him down. He's so special and one of the few truly "good guys." And I am very attracted to him physically, but he's just...I dunno...making it ridiculously easy for me. Maybe if I tell him we need to slow down, I can recover that "I'm so sure I want him to be my boyfriend!" feeling? Can anyone relate?

[Woggle]

Maybe you are used to the way men have treated you in the past and a man like this is a new experience so it is scary.

[colombiana28]

the thing is, I was never really mistreated in these past relationships. They were just more honest than me. They would tell me what THEY needed in the relationship but I never felt comfortable saying what I needed. and so when I would breakup with them, they would be dumbfounded and say "well I wish you would've told me you needed this and that!" and would promise to not take me for granted, but when I end things I end things. I've never really been good at "working through problems" or talking about serious issues. I know this is an internal problem, which gives me hope that I can work on myself and also make it work with this guy.

[InJest]

You should just break things off, and resolve yourself to be alone forever.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

OMG are you crazy!? He sounds so perfect, you need to just chill out and let whatever happens happen. It would be really really unsmart to mess this up though, you should feel lucky seriously i would KILL to meet a guy who doesn't just want sex. Make it work!

[Balzac]

It's a week into the "relationship"?

 

Your insecurity is your's to fix.

[CptSaveAho]

This is an attraction thing more then anything. It's not an insecurity in OP

 

Women say they want all these qualities of a "good" guy but there is a great post on the breakup forums that show why good guys are bad. ( http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/346344-tribute-good-guys for reference)

 

Ninjainpajamas has written one as well

 

From her own words OPs going to walk all over him and she knows it.

 

Women don't want a "good" guy the ones that do are the ones that are willing to settle after years of dating bad boys. They want a man. There's a HUGE difference.

[Balzac]

I get your POV. Somehow I manage to have escaped or quickly dumped such women.

[colombiana28]

thanks...the responses have helped clue me in to how dumb i'm being.

[JayL]

You remind me of my ex who just broke up with me last week.

 

We were together for 1 and 1/2 months.

 

Within the first week, things were great, because I didn't take her seriously, but I was sweet and stand offish.

 

When we started making out on the 2nd week and ended up having sex, I got rid of the "game" and stand-offish self and allowed myself to become vulnerable, hence I got attached and here I am still hurt.

 

I wanted to show her that I'm genuine and I was just NOT after sex.

 

We spent 3 to 4 days together each week for the next 2 weeks until she confessed that she was starting to lose interest, because the "thrill" is gone.

 

At first, she admitted she felt it, but it faded because we've become too comfy. Maybe because we went too fast.

 

5th week, things turned worse... we started arguing because she was starting to become too distant and no longer reciprocates. Week 6, another argument and I told her to stop stringing me along.

 

Then we broke up.....

 

I'll never understand women... when they meet a genuine man, they screw them over... when they meet a douche, they chase after them.

 

I wasn't her doormat either, I was a nice guy with a solid backbone and will always be.

 

Tell this guy how you feel and maybe he will realize that he's coming off too strong. Keep it in your mind though that he's just being honest and genuine, that you have a good man with you right now. Make it grow, don't throw it away, otherwise, you'll miss him when you meet someone useless and regret it later on.