ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 So I have this problem, and I wasn't sure where to post this because... I just am not super familiar with this site except the other woman forum. Anyways I have posted about it quite a few times about this engaged man who I was going to probably sleep with but it seems as if he has kind of backed out unfortunately for me. Long story short he just got distant and idk I don't want to be annoying so I took it as a hint. I felt like I had a better chance of not getting emotionally attached to him compared to if I did it with someone single.. even though I still feel attached and all we did was text. But to stop talking to him means I don't have anyone to give me attention or tell me I'm beautiful you know? So that sucks but I guess I can't do much about it unless I want to message him again which I am trying not to do. BUT I have another guy who I met like 6 months ago when I was on POF trying to find a guy to date (I did delete my POF but I kept in contact with him after my 1 month long relationship ended:(), I thought he was really cute and stuff but it turns out he doesn't want a relationship.. He just wants sex.. I want to have sex with him but idk it feels so dirty to meet someone online and then have sex with them you know? I just feel like I REALLY NEED SEX and a vibrator isn't going to cut it, I want someone to touch me and hold me and kiss me, not just get me off, I haven't ever gotten off from sex anyways haha. But masturbating just makes me feel embarrassed and sad, like it is super pathetic because I can't get a real guy to do me so I have to resort to toys.. that is so tragic and pathetic. It is really complicated to explain how I feel I want to be in a relationship but I would have settled for just sex with the engaged guy because I know he can't give me more but the guy online is single.. He could give me more if he wanted... I don't want to just have sex with him because then I will get feelings and I just got dumped in my last relationship like a month ago... I literally can't handle that rejection again. I don't know what to do?
Romanticlove263 Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 So I have this problem, and I wasn't sure where to post this because... I just am not super familiar with this site except the other woman forum. Anyways I have posted about it quite a few times about this engaged man who I was going to probably sleep with but it seems as if he has kind of backed out unfortunately for me. Long story short he just got distant and idk I don't want to be annoying so I took it as a hint. I felt like I had a better chance of not getting emotionally attached to him compared to if I did it with someone single.. even though I still feel attached and all we did was text. But to stop talking to him means I don't have anyone to give me attention or tell me I'm beautiful you know? So that sucks but I guess I can't do much about it unless I want to message him again which I am trying not to do. BUT I have another guy who I met like 6 months ago when I was on POF trying to find a guy to date (I did delete my POF but I kept in contact with him after my 1 month long relationship ended:(), I thought he was really cute and stuff but it turns out he doesn't want a relationship.. He just wants sex.. I want to have sex with him but idk it feels so dirty to meet someone online and then have sex with them you know? I just feel like I REALLY NEED SEX and a vibrator isn't going to cut it, I want someone to touch me and hold me and kiss me, not just get me off, I haven't ever gotten off from sex anyways haha. But masturbating just makes me feel embarrassed and sad, like it is super pathetic because I can't get a real guy to do me so I have to resort to toys.. that is so tragic and pathetic. It is really complicated to explain how I feel I want to be in a relationship but I would have settled for just sex with the engaged guy because I know he can't give me more but the guy online is single.. He could give me more if he wanted... I don't want to just have sex with him because then I will get feelings and I just got dumped in my last relationship like a month ago... I literally can't handle that rejection again. I don't know what to do? Do you live in england because i would love to be the guy that gives you what you want?
veggirl Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 yes I agree meeting someone online just for sex seems really squicky, I couldn't do it. I would feel grossed out with someone I don't even know cuddling and kissing me! I'm not sure that part necessarily occurs when you meet up solely for sex with a stranger. Seems like you miss the intimacy of a relationship, not the sex necessarily. Cuddle a body pillow...?
TaraMaiden Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 I don't know what you want... Really, I honestly can't make head or tail of what it is you truly want, because, guess what? I don't think you do either..... 4
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 yes I agree meeting someone online just for sex seems really squicky, I couldn't do it. I would feel grossed out with someone I don't even know cuddling and kissing me! I'm not sure that part necessarily occurs when you meet up solely for sex with a stranger. Seems like you miss the intimacy of a relationship, not the sex necessarily. Cuddle a body pillow...? I mean I did it before (had sex with a guy I met online) actually that's how I lost my virginity haha sad but true
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 I don't know what you want... Really, I honestly can't make head or tail of what it is you truly want, because, guess what? I don't think you do either..... Ideally I would want to be in a relationship but I can't meet anyone I want to date or wants to date me.. So in the least I should be having sex to take my mind off of my lack of a relationship.
TaraMaiden Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Don't sell yourself short just for a bit of carnal fun... If you're willing to begin a FWB "F.uc.k~buddy" relationship with someone, that would be fine.... providing you avoid developing feelings for the guy, or he for you - and neither is reciprocated. So you miss sex, want some, but also want a decent relationship....? I think you'll find thousands like you, make it a small world.... 1
CarrieT Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Ideally I would want to be in a relationship but I can't meet anyone I want to date or wants to date me.. So in the least I should be having sex to take my mind off of my lack of a relationship. I am going to send you back to the exact post I put in your other thread, here, where I and a LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE explained at length why the last thing you need right now is NSA sex. At the time, you even called people who did that creepy... I completely understand how much you are craving the touch of another human being. I went through sleeping with dozens and dozens of men to try and get a level of companionship and validation and know what it is like to physically crave someone. I wish I could put my memories and experiences in your brain to see how detrimental and damaging it really is. The "morning after" of waking with someone is the worst because you are still left being in your own head and not having someone there for you. Continue therapy. Print out these threads to work through it and stick with a vibrator. Please, please trust us. 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 Don't sell yourself short just for a bit of carnal fun... If you're willing to begin a FWB "F.uc.k~buddy" relationship with someone, that would be fine.... providing you avoid developing feelings for the guy, or he for you - and neither is reciprocated. So you miss sex, want some, but also want a decent relationship....? I think you'll find thousands like you, make it a small world.... That's the problem I haven't met anyone. I mean I don't know what I need to do to meet someone I have done dating websites and I met guys who just wanted sex and I thought having sex with them would mean they would date me and they didn't. The last guy I was with we were kind of in a relationship, we were "officially and exclusively talking" but it ended after a month he was kind of my only real relationship experience. I was in a LDR for a year but we never actually met face to face so I just don't even look at that as a real relationship (at the time I did). Then I read a post on here about someone who was like 40 and never had any relationship experience... I am going to be that person because I can't get myself into a relationship and it is so sad to me because I don't want to be like that (no offense to that person) but I mean really..
AlexCross Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 I don't know what is more disturbing, the meeting guys off line for sex or the engaged bloke.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 I am going to send you back to the exact post I put in your other thread, here, where I and a LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE explained at length why the last thing you need right now is NSA sex. At the time, you even called people who did that creepy... I completely understand how much you are craving the touch of another human being. I went through sleeping with dozens and dozens of men to try and get a level of companionship and validation and know what it is like to physically crave someone. I wish I could put my memories and experiences in your brain to see how detrimental and damaging it really is. The "morning after" of waking with someone is the worst because you are still left being in your own head and not having someone there for you. Continue therapy. Print out these threads to work through it and stick with a vibrator. Please, please trust us. I know just from the past guys I slept with that I met online it sucks the next day (or same night) when you like put your clothes on and have to leave and just feel dumb. I just can't get over how lonely I am, I mean I have been single FOREVER except the year I was in my online LDR which was pointless and still lonely, and the month and a half I was with the guy who just dumped me like a month ago. That is a long time to be alone, I don't like being alone its sad. I don't have anything to do with myself, I thought that going back to school would be great because I would forget about my ex and just be constantly occupied but it isn't helping, I have joined 3 different clubs on campus just to fill all my free time and it's still not enough it just adds stress on time of being sad and alone lol. I am not a pathetic person though, I mean I am not constantly sitting around thinking about my ex, but a large majority of the time I am. Then I think ok maybe if I just go back on a dating website I can occupy myself with a lot of dates (that is how I met my ex, because before him i got involved with a guy I really liked and we had sex a lot and then he said he didn't want a relationship lol go figure now he is dating some trash bag..) I just cried for a little then I went and got back on POF and went out on like as many dates as possible until 1 stuck and it ended up being him.. Obviously it didn't work out. I feel like I just can't get over him, and I have no desire to even go out on any more dates (I have one tonight and Saturday) but I am just not motivated to go out with these guys to just deal with the same crap of not wanting a relationship, or wanting to take things super slow and blah blah being friends its just all BS.
Ami1uwant Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 How old are you???? Im guessing early 20s???? You seem like you arent someone without having a BF. Do you have friends? Can you easily make friends? If you are in your early/mid 20s most dating sites you are going to find people who are looking for casual sex and not much of a relationship/marriage, You have a lot of time before you are single and 40. The issue is in your looks...because looks is the driver of dating et all in your 20s. If you are overweight/unattractive and/or dont have a good personality you will scare off men.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 How old are you???? Im guessing early 20s???? You seem like you arent someone without having a BF. Do you have friends? Can you easily make friends? If you are in your early/mid 20s most dating sites you are going to find people who are looking for casual sex and not much of a relationship/marriage, You have a lot of time before you are single and 40. The issue is in your looks...because looks is the driver of dating et all in your 20s. If you are overweight/unattractive and/or dont have a good personality you will scare off men. I am 21, and I do have friends, but I don't get super close with people easily. I have 2 best friends one that I see all the time the other I rarely see but when we do its like we never left eachother lol and then I have a good friend who I tell everything too but we haven't known eachother long enough to be considered bestfriends. I don't make friends super easily because I don't get close to people, unless its a guy I want to date of course. I can talk to people and be friendly but I would never like initiate anything because I just feel weird about it. I honestly kind of have a hard time talking to people just randomly, I mean if someone talks to me or starts then perfect I can keep it going but to start it I just feel weird. I used to not be like that but as I have gotten older I am just super anxious when I am around a lot of people, I feel like I don't fix in or something. Anyway I guess I am pretty, I mean people tell me I am (I would post a picture but I am afraid someone will know me) I think I would have everything going for me if I didn't have CP (cerebral palsy) so I use a cane, that could be why guys don't like me, and I am black and I am super attracted to white guys so maybe thats another reason why they don't like me?
veggirl Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 21 and you have been single "forever" except the relationship you were in. So I mean really...........you've been an adult for 3 years, how many of those years have you ACTUALLY been single? 2?
suladas Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Yea really, there is plenty of people at 21 who have never been with anyone yet. Considering I was one of them. But once you've had the taste of a relationship it does make being single again tougher.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 Yea really, there is plenty of people at 21 who have never been with anyone yet. Considering I was one of them. But once you've had the taste of a relationship it does make being single again tougher. Especially when it just randomly happens.. He and I were perfect like we spent all our time together and we were just good and it happened out of no where.. No call no text just ignoring me that's what hurts me the most.
Shaun-Dro Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 So I have this problem, and I wasn't sure where to post this because... I just am not super familiar with this site except the other woman forum. Anyways I have posted about it quite a few times about this engaged man who I was going to probably sleep with but it seems as if he has kind of backed out unfortunately for me. Long story short he just got distant and idk I don't want to be annoying so I took it as a hint. I felt like I had a better chance of not getting emotionally attached to him compared to if I did it with someone single.. even though I still feel attached and all we did was text. But to stop talking to him means I don't have anyone to give me attention or tell me I'm beautiful you know? So that sucks but I guess I can't do much about it unless I want to message him again which I am trying not to do. BUT I have another guy who I met like 6 months ago when I was on POF trying to find a guy to date (I did delete my POF but I kept in contact with him after my 1 month long relationship ended:(), I thought he was really cute and stuff but it turns out he doesn't want a relationship.. He just wants sex.. I want to have sex with him but idk it feels so dirty to meet someone online and then have sex with them you know? I just feel like I REALLY NEED SEX and a vibrator isn't going to cut it, I want someone to touch me and hold me and kiss me, not just get me off, I haven't ever gotten off from sex anyways haha. But masturbating just makes me feel embarrassed and sad, like it is super pathetic because I can't get a real guy to do me so I have to resort to toys.. that is so tragic and pathetic. It is really complicated to explain how I feel I want to be in a relationship but I would have settled for just sex with the engaged guy because I know he can't give me more but the guy online is single.. He could give me more if he wanted... I don't want to just have sex with him because then I will get feelings and I just got dumped in my last relationship like a month ago... I literally can't handle that rejection again. I don't know what to do? You're a train wreck, do you know that? You want one thing but don't want the other, but need one thing and not the other. I won't go any further on this because this subject is way too lame and familiar.
AlexCross Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Especially when it just randomly happens.. He and I were perfect like we spent all our time together and we were just good and it happened out of no where.. No call no text just ignoring me that's what hurts me the most. Nothing randomly happens, it's called hit it and quit it. 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 Nothing randomly happens, it's called hit it and quit it. He wasn't like that. We met each others families and hung out a lot and were exclusively and officially talking before we had sex.
todreaminblue Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 So I have this problem, and I wasn't sure where to post this because... I just am not super familiar with this site except the other woman forum. Anyways I have posted about it quite a few times about this engaged man who I was going to probably sleep with but it seems as if he has kind of backed out unfortunately for me. Long story short he just got distant and idk I don't want to be annoying so I took it as a hint. I felt like I had a better chance of not getting emotionally attached to him compared to if I did it with someone single.. even though I still feel attached and all we did was text. But to stop talking to him means I don't have anyone to give me attention or tell me I'm beautiful you know? So that sucks but I guess I can't do much about it unless I want to message him again which I am trying not to do. BUT I have another guy who I met like 6 months ago when I was on POF trying to find a guy to date (I did delete my POF but I kept in contact with him after my 1 month long relationship ended:(), I thought he was really cute and stuff but it turns out he doesn't want a relationship.. He just wants sex.. I want to have sex with him but idk it feels so dirty to meet someone online and then have sex with them you know? I just feel like I REALLY NEED SEX and a vibrator isn't going to cut it, I want someone to touch me and hold me and kiss me, not just get me off, I haven't ever gotten off from sex anyways haha. But masturbating just makes me feel embarrassed and sad, like it is super pathetic because I can't get a real guy to do me so I have to resort to toys.. that is so tragic and pathetic. It is really complicated to explain how I feel I want to be in a relationship but I would have settled for just sex with the engaged guy because I know he can't give me more but the guy online is single.. He could give me more if he wanted... I don't want to just have sex with him because then I will get feelings and I just got dumped in my last relationship like a month ago... I literally can't handle that rejection again. I don't know what to do? I dont think you are ready to make a decision considering you are confused about the engaged, unsure of online dating.I don't like to get involved with anyone i don't trust as far as sexual frustration goes i have never before been sexually frustrated I dance to release my sexual desires, I exercise I read, I concentrate on things that give me comfort or try to....;0)....I am starting to be more active and that is a way to control sexual frustration if you go outside in the fresh air see things that make you happy look at the sky see how small you are in comparison to the big picture all other desires and wishes seem insignificant to the beauty of what is around you.So when you do go into a relationship you go in with a calm state of mind no expectations except enjoying that persons company.I would love a full body hug there is nothing like it .......I write poetry about love and what i do love or who i do love.That helps ......I am getting stronger.....oxygen exercise trying to be easy on myself when i do feel bad, allowing myself to feel what i feel and letting it be.I don't know i cant predict what is going to happen to me in the future whether i will be with someone i truly care about or not.But it do know today that i feel good......When i feel good i can handle the rejection.Rejection is always a knock......you have to roll with the punches dont let them hit you in the jaw.Let those punches graze off to the side of your jaw not dead center.......that way its easy to counter hit......don't think any man will make you happy just for sex or for love permenantly....people change....and so will you....i wish you the best in life and love.....debxo
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