wwwjd Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 "...been married to him for 60 years... maybe not always love, but we endured" POLL: DO MODERN WOMEN STILL BELIEVE IN MATE FOR LIFE? YES or NO and why? In the past, the marriage ceremony used to say "till death do us part", meaning a pledge to stay together through thick and thin, work it out, fix it, compromise and work at making it work. Now, in our fast food, trade up world, is it more of a temporary rental deal until it gets boring or a better offer comes along? Is the old way "dated" and socially evolving away?
SeattleBabe Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 NO... Mate for life is more of a pipe dream than a reality. 4
all_hail_me Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 A lot of us strive to find a mate for life, but it just doesn't work out for the majority of us. Men are a lot less likely to propose now than they once were, and when a woman can work, cook, clean and raise a family, well why bother (as I presume many of them think). In addition to this, the rising numbers of people living on their own and accepting that as a reality has made most of us lower our expectations. I tried the mate for life route and was devastated when he split with me after 6 years. I no longer believe this is something that will happen. I have to be realistic.
Author wwwjd Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 m'kay, 2 say no. Other's out there voting in? Women only please. Guys can post perspectives but not vote... since this is asking the women's perspectives. Thanks! Should be interesting. Two corrolaries: 1. do they still say "long as you both shall live" or "death do you part" in ceremonies? 2. if majority here says it is a pipe dream, than what is the point of getting married?
january2011 Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 I would like to and some part of me still does. However, I know that no matter how seemingly perfect and compatible two people can be, circumstances may conspire to break/keep them apart. 1
xxoo Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 I believe it is very possible. I plan on being with my mate for life. I'm glad there is an escape clause, though, because no one should be hitched to someone horribly dysfunctional for life. 1
KungFuJoe Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Women can vote but men can't? Try and stop me, op...I dare you. I am a man and I defiantly vote YES. 1
j'adore Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 No, people live longer, no need to put up with all that **** LOL 1
TaraMaiden Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Marriages were not necessarily longer because people were in love more. Divorce has only become easier and more equal in the past couple of decades. Not all long marriages were/are happy/blissful. Some stayed together because it was the done thing, divorce is frowned on, religion, fear, habit, "for the children".... There's all kinds of reasons why marriages are shorter now. Chiefly, people don't have to put up with Bullschytt..... 4
Author wwwjd Posted September 14, 2012 Author Posted September 14, 2012 we realize there IS much more MONEY to be made by lawyers from divorces, than staying together, right? RIGHT? The increase in failing marriages can be a commercial endeaver, as opposed to a changing of the times... more like a lowering of lawyer values, and humanity. But that is another topic. Men don't count because I am male and asking the women what their opinion is. Discounting the lawyer profitable interventions (which ALL divorces are) I wonder if women are deciding it is not that important any more. I don't think it is a good idea myself - relationship hopping leading to excessive sorrow, depression, jadedness etc, - but if the WOMEN are all becoming that way, it is good to know in advance. Still wonder what the point of marriage is if it simply is not needed? And was it real love AT ALL in the first place if it is not dedicated to wanting the person for the rest of your life? Would you REALLY love someone that is no longer with you? Sad to be apart if that is the case.
TaraMaiden Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Just for the record, I didn't want to get married 'this time'. He did. I would have been quite happy leading our lives the way we were. he's the one who wanted it 'official'.
NoMoreJerks Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 "...been married to him for 60 years... maybe not always love, but we endured" POLL: DO MODERN WOMEN STILL BELIEVE IN MATE FOR LIFE? YES or NO and why? In the past, the marriage ceremony used to say "till death do us part", meaning a pledge to stay together through thick and thin, work it out, fix it, compromise and work at making it work. Now, in our fast food, trade up world, is it more of a temporary rental deal until it gets boring or a better offer comes along? Is the old way "dated" and socially evolving away? I want a "mate for life," sure, but is it realistic? I don't think so. I came to this realization the hard way. More than ever, more and more people today, especially men, are using the excuse of "commitment-phobia" to avoid taking on any "obligations" or making the effort to keep women that they are somewhat intereted in. And those of us looking for someone to commit to, end up getting the short end of the stick because people like them know that it's easy to find women who are also not into commitment. I am so into commitment and solving any problems rather than taking the easy way out, that I went to all extremes to save my relationship, until I realized that the more I did it, the more problems he was coming up with, and the more demands he was making, to the point where his demands became too much for me to handle.
Silly_Girl Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 It's what I want. It's unlikely. I've 'coupled up' 3 times already and I'm 36. None of those were for life, evidently. So I'm all in with my boyfriend now, we're planning house, marriage, kids (that order). Wonder what the chances are of it being 'til death do is part? My heart says Very High. My experience tells me it's more like Best Chance Yet But No Guarantee. 2
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 For life or not, I don't think that quality people marry with the idea that it's a temporary rental deal until it gets boring or a better offer comes along I think that is just a weak and stupid jab at women, OP - since you have directed this lovely thread only at us. Marriage is difficult to succeed in. Life is very complicated. In the past, the benefits of partnering up for life were obvious and now they are more amorphous. People go into marriages with unrealistic expectations. I think that most everyone who gets married, men and women alike, are not thinking of it as: a temporary rental deal until it gets boring or a better offer comes along Yuck. 1
GirlontheLam Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 I know it sounds old-fashioned. I would love to find a mate for life and be married for 50 years. It looks less likely as I get older.
Woggle Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 This is why I don't believe marriage should be a legally binding contract. When you look at how unstable it does is make things a big mess when it falls apart as it does most of the time. Marriage should strictly be a spiritual contract or for those who are not religious a promise between two people that has no legal meaning. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 This is why I don't believe marriage should be a legally binding contract. When you look at how unstable it does is make things a big mess when it falls apart as it does most of the time. Marriage should strictly be a spiritual contract or for those who are not religious a promise between two people that has no legal meaning. OR (veering from the topic) at leas the legal benefits of marriage should be available for ANY two adults who wish to enter into it. Why did YOU get legally married, yourself, given your stated belief here? Couldn't you and your wife had a spiritual contract and forgone the legal marriage? Personally, I'm on my second marriage. No, I did not leave the first one because I'd viewed it a rental, or got bored, or found something better, as those who have gotten to know about me a little realize. I am "the marrying kind," evidently. I WANT to have all that binding up of our lives. It meant a lot to me that both he AND I were willing to stand there and "pledge our troth." I intend it to be for life. Intended that the first time, too.
Author wwwjd Posted September 14, 2012 Author Posted September 14, 2012 I think that is just a weak and stupid jab at women, OP - since you have directed this lovely thread only at us. Your horribly failed incorrect misinterpretation of my communication is not my concern. You should know better than to bother with MY worthless threads. Back on IGNORE you go... again. Have a nice whatever.
Woggle Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 OR (veering from the topic) at leas the legal benefits of marriage should be available for ANY two adults who wish to enter into it. Why did YOU get legally married, yourself, given your stated belief here? Couldn't you and your wife had a spiritual contract and forgone the legal marriage? Personally, I'm on my second marriage. No, I did not leave the first one because I'd viewed it a rental, or got bored, or found something better, as those who have gotten to know about me a little realize. I am "the marrying kind," evidently. I WANT to have all that binding up of our lives. It meant a lot to me that both he AND I were willing to stand there and "pledge our troth." I intend it to be for life. Intended that the first time, too. I know your story and I don't blame it one bit. Believe me I know what it is like living with a junkie. I married my wife because I meant it when I said my vows and that is why I married my husband but it seems to many people those vows are worthless. I wouldn't blame the system if it just said the hell with it and made people sort it our amongst themselves. Either that or make prenups mandatory and when a couple divorces they stick to it without the messy divorce battle. Lawyers and judges are ruining marriage more than anything else.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 I know your story and I don't blame it one bit. Believe me I know what it is like living with a junkie. I married my wife because I meant it when I said my vows and that is why I married my husband but it seems to many people those vows are worthless. I wouldn't blame the system if it just said the hell with it and made people sort it our amongst themselves. !!!???!?! :eek: You have a HUSBAND, too? POLYGAMIST! 2
D'1ThatGotAway Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Mate for Life? I heard doves do... Oh, just so everyone know... My grandparents call each other "My Lovey Dove" even up to now that they're both on their 90's. 1
Woggle Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 !!!???!?! :eek: You have a HUSBAND, too? POLYGAMIST! That was a typo.
TaraMaiden Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Damn. Shame, thought we'd caught you out at last. And I did so like you in that little green sequin off-the-shoulder number.... matched your eyes....
espec10001 Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Mate for Life? I heard doves do... Oh, just so everyone know... My grandparents call each other "My Lovey Dove" even up to now that they're both on their 90's. That's what makes threads like these depressing. I see old couples who've been together for life and are still in love and I wonder how? I've seen old men lose their only wife and it was like losing their own life. My oh my how different the times used to be...
TaraMaiden Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Mate for Life? I heard doves do... Oh, just so everyone know... My grandparents call each other "My Lovey Dove" even up to now that they're both on their 90's. Doves are used as a symbol of Peace, but you should know that when they fight, they often fight to the death and are vicious, and ferocious birds. Says it all, really.
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