Van Damm Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 (edited) It's been 6 months post break up and 5 months NC. I've done very well - once he had said it's over, I told him I accepted and that if he could not contact me for anything ever again, even if it's important. He wasn't happy with that, said the usual common line 'I will never cut you off and I'm here if you need me' BS. I saw past it and went staunch NC and basically went off the radar, move place, changed my number everything. Fast forward to the present - I sign up to OKC. Actually, my last post was about OKCupid and I mentioned him viewing me - it was a shock, though I wasn't sad and upset - little indifferent. I decided that same day in the evening to email him and basically be adult about it, saying that it was a little bit of a shock, but it's ok I'm fine with it and wished him well in his search. He replied back in literally 10 minutes with a long ish message, basically saying that he apologizes for viewing me, he still listens to the songs I made, that he wants to remember me as much as I don't want to remember him, that he hates himself for breaking up with me (note - guilt trip, he's not sorry, he just hates himself), get the violins out. Oh and what was most revealing was that he said I should also be interested to know that he is attending therapy with a relationship counselor because he feels he hurt all his girlfriends including me. 3 cheers to you! I just brushed it off, saying the usual - you were great, you were a good boyfriend - which I'll give him that, he was but I feel that committment wise, he wasn't all there. He freaked uot and broke it off, and of course it wasn't out of the blue, he must have mulled over it for a good month. Anyway, I responded back saying, good on him that he's seeing a therapist etc. and wished him well. So I go back to OKCupid this morning, and for the record I've never been the type to be tempted but wow did I give in, I thought that if I'm over him, it shouldnt hurt, so I viewed his profile this morning. His profile is completely the opposite to what he said to me he wanted or liked in a woman. That he was looking for someone who was "dull" and "negative"....At this point, I'm squinting my eyes, like eh? is this really you?...the guy who when I lost my job saw me go through a depression,becoming "dull" and extremely "negative"? Eh? I'm preplexed. It's odd, we're both quite spiritual, meditate etc...so it struck me as odd. Then well, here's the crunch. The what you are looking for bit - so it's official, he's looking for "casual sex", "activity partner".. "SHORT TERM DATING" - so I was a short term date.. (we met on okcupid, ironically) Maybe I am over him, I didnt' cry, run to the loo vomiting...my eyes were glazed, but Iwas shocked, a tad angry. This is the guy who said he just wanted to be with someone who will make him happy and have kids with. Note I was that person until I became human and had a "depressive side", but anyway...total contradicition. The sex bit, well, really I shouldn't be suprised - he told me that he used to be quite promiscious in the past but then went celibate for a whole year and then met me, totally changed man apparently. NOT. So yes, I'm perplexed, although it's none of my business anymore. So basically he dumped me to **** around. I thought the sex was ok, I did put most the effort in (he isn't well endowed and admits to it) we have to try many positions for better penetration etc. Yet I stilll lvoed the guy and it wasn't a deal breaker....Anyway, whatever the REAL reason was for breaking up with me, now he is a free agent and shagging at will, shagging, "dull" and "negative" people. I reallty believed he was this self aware, mindful, spirtual, compassionate person, well that's the person that I was with until this profile opened my eyes. Maybe next time I date somebody I s hould ask them straight up about their past relationships...I used to think that was raking up stale old bread, but it'll probably benefit me greatly in the future. So there we are. He is in therapy to help him be more committed in a relationship and shagging at will on the side. Good on him. I feel like a guinea pig right now...it'll pass. Makes me wonder whether he is an actual commitment phobe? Again I should give him props for working on himself - just a shame it wasn't when we were together. On the otherhand, I'm blessed I'm not with him - he could have cheated if he had such itchy feet, maybe he did...man I shouldn't go there. Edited September 13, 2012 by Van Damm
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