NC and was I right in what I done?!

[Tally123]

Geez, I typed this once and lost it - lets try again.

 

Ok, with everyone talking about NC etc, I thought I would write my dilemma of sorts. I will try (TRY) to keep it as short as is possible.

 

A few years ago I met a guy in a bar, we chatted, flirted got on great (even though he had a gf at the time which i was not aware of). A few months later we bumped into each other on a night out, again, got on great, but nothing happened. Next year or so we continued to text on and off.

 

Fast forwad a year and a half and him and his ex split so we started dating. A couple of months into the dating he ended things saying that he was messed up with how things ended with the ex and that he couldnt give me a rship etc (they still owned flat together but not living together). I was gutted but accepted this and things ended on good terms. We didnt speak for over a month until he started txting me. We started txting more frequently and started "dating" again. I thought things might be different this time as surely he wouldnt do this to me again.

 

Fast forward again another 4/5 months. I asked him where I stood. He said to me that he knew he wasnt ready for a rship yet. I was calm but very angry. We had a few choice words (this was all over txt) and I had said to him "I cannot believe its over in about 3 txts" His reply was " You are the one ending things??!!". I never replied to that text. I deleted his number, deleted him totally from Facebook and from my life and have not spoken to each other since (that was two months ago).

 

More to my question...he owes me money, it is not thousands or anything like that. To be fair to him when we were together he asked me on numerous occassions how much he owed me as I had to work it out, but never got around to telling him. I thought he would get in contact about the money, but ppl I have spoken to have said its up to me to get in contact with him to tell him how much he owes me as he has no idea. There are two problems with this:

1. I still dont think I can handle talking to him and

2. I feel I have left it too late to bring this up and surely he should have got in contact with me about the money?

 

Anyway just wondering what you guys think about the sitaution and whether I was right to break off contact with him and whethr up to me to get in contact re money. Nearly every guy I have told about this said that I was "harsh" typical men!!!! but i dont think so.

 

If there is any confusion we are both 29. Though reading this over, we sound about 18!! Oh my!

 

Anyway sorry, actually this has turned out to be long - apologies.

 

would welcome your views

 

Thanks -Tally

[todreaminblue]

Geez, I typed this once and lost it - lets try again.

 

Ok, with everyone talking about NC etc, I thought I would write my dilemma of sorts. I will try (TRY) to keep it as short as is possible.

 

A few years ago I met a guy in a bar, we chatted, flirted got on great (even though he had a gf at the time which i was not aware of). A few months later we bumped into each other on a night out, again, got on great, but nothing happened. Next year or so we continued to text on and off.

 

Fast forwad a year and a half and him and his ex split so we started dating. A couple of months into the dating he ended things saying that he was messed up with how things ended with the ex and that he couldnt give me a rship etc (they still owned flat together but not living together). I was gutted but accepted this and things ended on good terms. We didnt speak for over a month until he started txting me. We started txting more frequently and started "dating" again. I thought things might be different this time as surely he wouldnt do this to me again.

 

Fast forward again another 4/5 months. I asked him where I stood. He said to me that he knew he wasnt ready for a rship yet. I was calm but very angry. We had a few choice words (this was all over txt) and I had said to him "I cannot believe its over in about 3 txts" His reply was " You are the one ending things??!!". I never replied to that text. I deleted his number, deleted him totally from Facebook and from my life and have not spoken to each other since (that was two months ago).

 

More to my question...he owes me money, it is not thousands or anything like that. To be fair to him when we were together he asked me on numerous occassions how much he owed me as I had to work it out, but never got around to telling him. I thought he would get in contact about the money, but ppl I have spoken to have said its up to me to get in contact with him to tell him how much he owes me as he has no idea. There are two problems with this:

1. I still dont think I can handle talking to him and

2. I feel I have left it too late to bring this up and surely he should have got in contact with me about the money?

 

Anyway just wondering what you guys think about the sitaution and whether I was right to break off contact with him and whethr up to me to get in contact re money. Nearly every guy I have told about this said that I was "harsh" typical men!!!! but i dont think so.

 

If there is any confusion we are both 29. Though reading this over, we sound about 18!! Oh my!

 

Anyway sorry, actually this has turned out to be long - apologies.

 

would welcome your views

 

Thanks -Tally

 

 

Let the money go, money you can get any time it comes and i tgoes....you rob peter to pay paul and you juggle it...money isnt worth the effort or the stress from that effort, keep your respect and your distance its hard to replace and you cant get either of them back that easy respect and distance dont juggle and they cant be stolen from one to pay another...good luck in life and love...deb

[geegirl]

You've gone this far without the money. Let it go. Your emotional sanity is much more valuable than money. Unless you're using this as an excuse to test the waters.

[Tally123]

Thanks. No, I knew that if I wanted to contact him I could use the money as an excuse, but I feel have come this long and this far, that I would not be able to.

I think what is more niggling me is the fact tht I done the right thing by cutting off all contact and I wasnt "harsh" as some ppl have pointed out to me!

thanks guys!

[barese1]

Hey Tally,

 

Agree with everyone else if the money isn't that much then leave it be.

 

Not harsh at all, don't listen to people that say you have been.

 

Sounds like you're doing really well, happy to hear it

[Tally123]

Thanks Barese

 

I am doing quite good at the moment.... I still have my shakey moments, but on the whole I have a lot better days than not!

I think a part of me cant believe he hasn't contacted me - but I also know its for the best

 

I am still reading your posts and yo are defintiely getting there!

[barese1]

Am so glad to hear it Tally. When you have more better days than not, think that's a sure fire hint that you're on your way.

 

Ha as for me who knows! One minute feel fine and everything is ok, next I miss her like crazy. So interchanging at the moment. Like I said she's with someone and still not too bothered so that's gotta be good. just keep thinking about her....even after all this time!

 

Anyway, I'm hijacking. Keep doing what you're doing Tally

[Tally123]

For sure Barese...i still have days, dont get me wrong. But I suppose that is normal isnt it!

I guess I just felt if he was decent he would have got in contact with me about the money - would you have?

Suppose no point in over analysing things.....but still.

 

Anyway have you decided any more about this party? Who's on the guest list?

[barese1]

To be honest if owed someone the money yes I'd get it to them. Even if I couldn't handle contact I'd send a friend with it. Pretty sh&tty of him really.

 

Yup, ex and rhi on the guest list . May be a bit strange but feel its going to be ok. After the party I will have no need to contact the ex ever again and vice versa so it'll be my re-entry into NC. I can see it will be much easier this time as I am actually getting over her finally. Faking it till I make it you see.