uk3s Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 BUT after finally coming through and going on the date with me (dinner at her favorite restaurant), we waded through why it ended (my infidelity), she claimed she still loves me, doesn't want me to find that other girl, but still has walls up - for obvious reasons. After the date thoguh she states "I truly do think we are meant to be together" yet when i say "okay, so lets try and schedule date numero 2" she claims "dont I have to give the other man a chance?" and then states "well... i'm going to give him a chance" to which i reply "ok, well then I'm going to fall back" and she panics an says "oh nooo. ok sorry sorry, i forgot I agreed to only date you until we figure this out" (HIM being rebound dude thrust upon her by her girl friends) She texts me on the regular the days following, with all her normal "i'm nevous about life and my job, etc., etc." and the odd "i miss you -myname-" and before the date even a "i love you" while at a wedding. BUT do I need to see this for what it is and realize that although she may still care about me she IS NOT going to discount a guy thrust upon her by her friends and go back to me readily, especially with what she said after the date and her hestitation to set date 2? this is all after about 2.5 weeks no contact to which we met in person and at first she said she had moved on but rushed back and said "no no, i love you and want to give you that 2nd chance" Do i need to just "let this burn" and prvent myself further injury/false hope?
Itsallhappeningnow Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 (edited) Ok she obviously does not want to be alone. Bu she is not using you cos if she was she wouldn't say "oh no bla bla bla" when yo pull back. She is afraid of trusting you because she own want be abandoned. If she is hurting you she doesn't mean to do it. Play It cool. Spend as much time as possible with her, be available to her. Be truthful, but don't le her walk all over you, that is if she over steps the mark, respect her and say ok and walk away- she will stop you trust me. - warning - don't take advantage of this because you will break o for good either straight away or after a lot of heartache. You see, the poor thing loves you, but like u - i think, dozens love herself. The inly reason i say that is because our putting her as your priority while she puts you as a option. the only way for her to love herself is for yo to love yourself- show her, lovingly lead her to love so you can both make it. Don't resent her because we are ALL like this one way or another..just lov her & love yourself. gently. Edited September 13, 2012 by Itsallhappeningnow Spelling mistakes
Author uk3s Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 Ok she obviously does not want to be alone. Bu she is not using you cos if she was she wouldn't say "oh no bla bla bla" when yo pull back. She is afraid of trusting you because she own want be abandoned. If she is hurting you she doesn't mean to do it. Play It cool. Spend as much time as possible with her, be available to her. Be truthful, but don't le her walk all over you, that is if she over steps the mark, respect her and say ok and walk away- she will stop you trust me. - warning - don't take advantage of this because you will break o for good either straight away or after a lot of heartache. You see, the poor thing loves you, but like u - i think, dozens love herself. The inly reason i say that is because our putting her as your priority while she puts you as a option. the only way for her to love herself is for yo to love yourself- show her, lovingly lead her to love so you can both make it. Don't resent her because we are ALL like this one way or another..just lov her & love yourself. gently. I see what you're saying for the most part - she is not rushing back into my arms because although she loves me, I hurt her once and she doesn't want to rush into something where It may happen again. Makes sense. I'll just play it cool. But when you say love myself, do you mean get my confidence back? Like stop stressing over the situation as much and get back in control of me, the only thing I really have power over? So once she sees this she'll naturally gravitate towards me? Thanks again for your insight. Helped alot
Stanza Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 I think it might not be so much as confidence as if you come over super confident to her she might think you're moving on, and this sounds like there's some massively sensitive stuff that's gone on....what you need to do is show her that you've changed, so you have to find a way to prove you wouldn't hurt her again because you wouldn't do that again. I'm sure she's only trying to move on and the girlfriends foisted this guy on her because of what you did and that they want her to move on and even if it's not with him, that it's a stepping stone. She clearly loves you so you can make the most of the next bit of time to learn and grow and find a way to show her that.
Author uk3s Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 I think it might not be so much as confidence as if you come over super confident to her she might think you're moving on, and this sounds like there's some massively sensitive stuff that's gone on....what you need to do is show her that you've changed, so you have to find a way to prove you wouldn't hurt her again because you wouldn't do that again. I'm sure she's only trying to move on and the girlfriends foisted this guy on her because of what you did and that they want her to move on and even if it's not with him, that it's a stepping stone. She clearly loves you so you can make the most of the next bit of time to learn and grow and find a way to show her that. I hear ya. Thansk for the guidance. I guess I'll show her I've matured/changed by my patience and listening and actions. Also the fact that i haven't been able to get close to another girl while she was off with rebound guy, even though I tried - as she still held my heart. thanks fro the guidance, friends.
Author uk3s Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 after a certain point, when you know she's relishing the attention of two guy's fighting for her - you have to throw in the towel, yes? when she goes days without talking to you and you know shes flirting, messaging her plan b guy - you have to save what dignity you have left and realize you aren't gonigto be strung along any longer, yes? there is a difference between being patient and being played a fool. i am merely writing here to find agreement or a different perspective which can keep me from throwing in the towel p.s. She claims trusting me romantically again is the issue, which I can't fault her for - but if she is giving this a sincere Second Chance which she agreed to - does that not include cutting out her safety blanket as it is damaging any real progress we can make forward?
Author uk3s Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 I'm writing because when I forced her hand and told her I wasn't going to stand for her talking to me - as my second chance - while still talking to the Rebound guy, after a day's deliberation she decided "{petnameforme} I'm going to give him a chance. Don't feel like I dragged you on. What I felt and what I feel is real. My mind and heart are just in different places." She then said I don't wanna be completely shut out, I wanna share life with you, help you move etc. I just laughed. Three days later she called me crying when she was going through hard family and work moments and relapsing into her depression. She realized then that the rebound wasn't me and told him to "leave her alone." "I deleted him from my life, not for you - but for me", so she claims. Yet says due to her relapsing into her diagnosed depression she can't restart a relationship with me right, right now, which I believe is fair. So I'm helping her through it. Until I realize she's still talking to the guy - in part due to his persistence and I guess her not feeling casual convo with him as bad since she told him she's not ready for anything for anyone right now. I just told her that I have to respectfully remove myself from the situation for fear of being friend zoned and her choosing to respark an interest in him after she comes out of her slump. Was this a wise decision? She left me with "No okay (petname). I care a lot for you too-that's why I think maybe you should stop with me for now. I'll Find you when I'm ready and then you can decide if you want to get back on the wild ride with me" I said ok, ttyl (petname) and she replied "love you (my full first middle last name)" I think my insecurity is just worrying that she'll eventually respark this little crush on the rebound, although she claims to love me and such Guidance? I want to message her in a week and check up on her depressions situation overall, as I was initially helping her through it but got pissed that she was still entertaining convo from rebound guy
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