What did this kiss mean?

[furiousgreen]

There's this girl from school that I (18 M) really liked. We are opposite in personality: she's emotive and extroverted, I'm reserved and an introvert. We had occasional conversations, and she seemed fascinated with me, and even told me explicitly.

 

One time she said she was a lesbian (not to me directly), so I thought that was the end of the possibility of anything between us, although I never seriously considered a relationship anyway.

 

Then one day when we're alone, a few days before we part ways, she French kisses me (my first kiss), passionately, and tells me how good a person I am and says she hopes we meet again. I didn't respond much, overwhelmed as I was.

 

Still fazed, I didn't talk to her about what happened while I still could. I found her email, though; after some time I made sense of everything and wrote to her, confessing how much (and why) I like her, and how deep I feel our connection is. I also brought up my confusion as to what the kiss meant in the context of her professed lesbianism. I ask her out for coffee.

 

It's been a long time since then, and she hasn't responded. I asked her friend to tell her to check her email and she assured me she would; still no response.

 

This whole incident has really hurt me a lot, although I know she didn't intend that. It's not so much the "rejection" (if it was even that); it's a sort of embarrassment. This was the most emotion I've ever revealed to anyone, and to have it go unanswered makes me wince every time I think of it. After the kiss I felt romantic feelings I've never felt towards anyone else before, and I haven't gotten "over" her despite not having seen her in months.

 

I'm terribly confused by the whole thing. Would she have kissed me like that if she didn't have feelings towards me? I've considered that perhaps she wanted me to have the experience, or that it was a way to "teach me" to open up to intimacy. Or maybe she just doesn't want a relationship? In any case, wouldn't she have at least responded? The lack of response is much more painful than anything she could have said.

 

There may be a chance of running into her in the future. I wouldn't know what to say... But I really want to see her again.

 

So what could the kiss have meant? And what can I say to her when/if I see her?

[Ninjainpajamas]

Aye...son, son son...I'm going to be your internet daddy for a few mins.

 

She likely found you to be a cute, shy guy...and you she found herself intrigued by your personality, probably because of how different you were from the rest of guys. She probably felt comfortable being open around you without having to worry about what you'd think about her.

 

She was likely not worried and felt safe with you, she trust in the type of guy you were. So she probably did in a way feel like she could just stir you up a bit with your first kiss, kind of stirring the fire inside you....because she knew she could.

 

You have to take everything for what it is in the moment....nothing ever means or guarantees any kind of future or promise in the world of love. One day it can be there, the next day it can be gone. The thing that keeps two people together is the communication, bond, trust and love...proving it, not saying it. That's a whole other world you are unfamiliar with.

 

Until then you'll experience an array of intense emotions but not know what to make of them or where to place with them...in one moment you'll feel like you're dying to be with this person forever...but that's your own emotion and chemistry that you may feel...It's over the top, but realize these are just moments...what you do in a moment...when it comes to love, especially in the beginning is just a moment.

 

So people go with things just cause it felt right in the moment...they could have said or did something because when you get that rush and wave over you...like you were feeling when you emailed her telling her how you felt, It feels real...it feels right.

 

However It'll pass....Let yourself feel through this emotion, don't hold it against yourself, don't feel stupid or embarrassed...everybody feels that way in their life at one time or another. If you run into her in the future, just stay confident, smile and act like it never happened.

 

She got your email...read it, and realized how over the top this was. But you're new at this game and you'll unfortunately exaggerate these experiences than for what they really were. You're not the type of guy she dates or is interested in, she just wanted to give you a little thrill...don't take it so hard, she doesn't want you all caught up in her and wasting your time and energy...she realizes you're not even on the same level in terms of experience...she's probably experienced a fair bit more than already, maybe even much more, so she knows better. Unlike men, women won't usually burn a man just to get what they want.

 

Try not to let this jade you, just understand it and accept...don't think the worst or horrible thing, don't let it make you bitter and resentful towards women as a whole...I can assure that was not your fault or problem. Just take the experience for what it was and keep learning, that's your objective right now...you're in the figuring out process....It's ok to feel confused, but don't take it so seriously even though I know it feels like the end of the world, it will pass and you'll think much differently about this experience in the future...IF you even care to have remembered it.

[furiousgreen]

Thank you, that clears up some things. I really appreciate it.