Ebony123 Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 I have been doing so well, this is day 16 of NC. However I just woke up and had this urge to check his Facebook - something I always used to do before getting out of bed when we were together. So I removed him as a friend the day I started NC, but since figured out I could still see his wall/photos etc because it wasn't private. So the first thing I see today is a message from the girl he left me for, telling him how much she misses him, can't wait to see him once she's back off vacation, etc. It broke my heart. I still can't believe he is with someone else. The guy I know and love and was so intimate and close with now does all those thing with someone else I really want to text him.. Telling him I miss him. I miss him more than this other girl ever could. But I know deep down it's a bad idea.. Or is it? Advice/suggestions?
Calico Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 You know that he knows how you feel about him and that you want to be together. Instead of acting based on that knowledge, he is now seeing another girl. What does that tell you? It tells you that he does not want you. Sending him a text and stating the obvious will not change that. He's obviously not missing you if he moves on that fast. He's moved on, you have not. If you contact him now, and he rejects you yet another time, you'll go through the breakup moment again, and you'll have lost a good deal of your progress. It is DONE and you have to accept that if you want to get better. My ex is also with someone else, and she did not even wait one day. I know how you feel, I really do. But I cannot change her decision and "what is", and neither can you. You can struggle and squirm and fight "what is", but that makes not a lick of a difference to the situation as it is. What it does is to make you feel miserable (and me, too). Stop checking his FB. Stop checking anything related to him and start focusing on the future. Let go off the past. You have to anyway, if not now, then in a month or a year or ten years. The only difference is in the amount of pain you experience between now and that point where you do accept that it's over. 1
suladas Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Being in a similar situation, I can agree that if you contact him and you get no response, it will make you hurt worse again for a bit. If you get told he is over you, think about it first is that going to hurt you worse, or help you to move on? I'm not going to say either way, because I have contacted my ex and got no response and it for sure isn't helping me get over her. Do I regret texting her? I really don't know. All I know is, it's a crappy situation to be in. I would also agree, stop checking his facebook. Look on the brightside, you have it better then me, I live next door to my ex and still see them almost everyday. Still facebook friends because the way I see it, it isn't going to make things any worse for me. The best way to get over them is to remove anything that reminds you of them. 1
Author Ebony123 Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 Deep down I know you're both right and I agree 100% with what you're saying. I just can't accept the fact he's moved on - I thought we loved each other the same amount, etc. but I could have never left him for someone else.. yet he left me, without much hesitation. Suladas, I can relate to how you must feel. My ex lives 4 houses away - how strange. I see his car every day, and get paranoid as to where he is if it isn't there, it drives me crazy. Thanks for both responses
Calico Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 You can accept the fact that he's moved on and is seeing someone else, you're just not at the point yet where you allow for that thought. But you are entirely capable of accepting it and moving on, because you are much stronger than you feel right now. It takes time, patience with yourself (stop asking yourself what you did wrong), and a bit of deliberate thinking. Toy a little with the idea of being on your own (like a kitty toys with a red gummy ball), look at the advantages the situation has (and yes, it does have those!), allow for a few thoughts about what you'd like in your next partner (and what you don't want). That will all seem really alien and unreal, and it's very hard to do when the emotions are still so red hot, and the pain won't just go away, but trying is the first step. Gonna try?
suladas Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Oh I know it's the worst. It means I know she's not seeing anyone, but that doesn't help me much. I'm always looking to see if she's home, and when she's not wondering where she is. The worst is my computer room is at the back of the house and with the window open I can hear her on her deck and hearing her voice just kills me. I knew she was hurting as two days after the break up we talked a bit outside (she had picked me up some sod for my yard, actually surprised she still did as I had asked WELL before the break up) anyways it was so awkard and neither of us were close to acting like ourselves. And now seeing her outside she acts normal and it hurts to think she might be over me, but at the same time I put on a tough face to so who knows? But really just because he's seeing someone new, doesn't mean he's over you. But at the same time, it doesn't mean he wants you back if he isn't over you. But it is a sign that you need to move on in my opinion.
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