SJC2008 Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 (edited) There have been quite a few confidence threads here lately and posters have thrown in their take about being an alpha male/beta male etc, nice guys finish last. One "angle" that hasn't been approached has been the way you look (NOT ATTRACTIVENESS). I look nice, non threatening, like harry potter, or Stu from the hangover, or Jonah hill. I don't resemble these men but I'm listing them to give context in how unaggressive I look. I'd say it's along the lines of those men. I don't really have a q, just wanted to throw the topic around to the sexes to get their takes. Edited September 13, 2012 by SJC2008 edit
USMCHokie Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 One "angle" that hasn't been approached has been the way you look (NOT ATTRACTIVENESS). I look nice, non threatening, like harry potter, or Stu from the hangover, or Jonah hill. This is certainly an interesting topic for discussion, but I still feel that it all goes to physical attractiveness...sure, assuming a more "aggressive" stance can make up for more average attractiveness, but good looks will certainly trump a non-threatening demeanor. I honestly think that a very good looking guy who appears genuine, friendly, and non-threatening will be the most appealing to women and make the them want to pursue the guy... So if you don't have the looks to draw a woman in just at face value, then a non-aggressive stance will leave you in the proverbial "friend zone." 1
Author SJC2008 Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 This is certainly an interesting topic for discussion, but I still feel that it all goes to physical attractiveness...sure, assuming a more "aggressive" stance can make up for more average attractiveness, but good looks will certainly trump a non-threatening demeanor. I honestly think that a very good looking guy who appears genuine, friendly, and non-threatening will be the most appealing to women and make the them want to pursue the guy... So if you don't have the looks to draw a woman in just at face value, then a non-aggressive stance will leave you in the proverbial "friend zone." There are plenty of "nice" looking great looking men so I see what you are saying. IMO if you put two men side by side and they are both 6's and one looks "nice" and the other looks more aggressive. I say the aggressive one wins out more often than not. Do you see where I'm going with this:)?
Pyro Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 It definitely makes you more approachable. Even if you aren't the cream of the crop in terms of looks, having a smile/looking approachable will get you more chances than a person with a more non-approachable look on their face. 2
USMCHokie Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 There are plenty of "nice" looking great looking men so I see what you are saying. IMO if you put two men side by side and they are both 6's and one looks "nice" and the other looks more aggressive. I say the aggressive one wins out more often than not. Do you see where I'm going with this:)? Of course. Good looks can often be enough to draw a woman in to become the "aggressor," while average looking men have to become the aggressor. Otherwise, there is nothing to create the connection. 1
quankanne Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Seth Rogen. OW! I'd do him in a heartbeat because I think he's pretty sexy for a laid-back guy. Of course, there are other more "aggressive" appearing guys that I find hot, too, but they just don't seem very approachable, you know?
NoMoreJerks Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 (edited) There have been quite a few confidence threads here lately and posters have thrown in their take about being an alpha male/beta male etc, nice guys finish last. One "angle" that hasn't been approached has been the way you look (NOT ATTRACTIVENESS). I look nice, non threatening, like harry potter, or Stu from the hangover, or Jonah hill. I don't resemble these men but I'm listing them to give context in how unaggressive I look. I'd say it's along the lines of those men. I don't really have a q, just wanted to throw the topic around to the sexes to get their takes. I don't know. The guy I'm in a (very complicated) relationship with right now is not "aggressive-looking", but then again, he is emotionally abusive (IMO anyway) and quite often passive-aggressive. Looks don't mean a person is nice, and are not necessarily interpreted by people as indicating "niceness"... It all comes down to what he does and what she does, and the dynamics between the couple, I suppose. I don't buy that there are "nice" guys who finish last, and bad guys who always get all the women. I think if those guys you are talking about were really nice and not total douchebags, they would definitely (eventually anyway) find the right person. Sometimes people might "look" nice but they are not necessarily nice, and people see right through their "looks." It's behavior that counts, not looks. As for what attracts women -- I usually go for the "shy" type of guys; men who come on too aggressive, or "alpha" is a turn off for me. But again, that's more about behavior / body language than looks per se ... Edited September 13, 2012 by NoMoreJerks
USMCHokie Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 I don't know. The guy I'm in a (very complicated) relationship with right now is not "aggressive-looking", but then again, he is emotionally abusive (IMO anyway) and quite often passive-aggressive. Looks don't mean a person is nice, and are not necessarily interpreted by people as indicating "niceness"... It all comes down to what he does and what she does, and the dynamics between the couple, I suppose. I don't buy that there are "nice" guys who finish last, and bad guys who always get all the women. I think if those guys you are talking about were really nice, they would definitely (eventually anyway) find the right person. Sometimes people might "look" nice but they are not necessarily nice, and people see right through their "looks." It's behavior that counts, not looks. As for what attracts women -- I usually go for the "shy" type of guys; men who come on too aggressive, or "alpha" is a turn off for me. I purposely avoided using the word "nice" because there are just so many damn was to interpret that word, and everyone will have a different definition. Some will take nice to mean just that at face value, i.e., well mannered, while others will take it to mean a socially stereotypical beta male, and others may think of it as a pushover. I think OP is referring to a generally non-aggressive behavior in the romantic vs. platonic sense. That is, someone who is "aggressive" will act in a way that makes his romantic intentions more obvious or unambiguous. However, the non-aggressive man will appear kind hearted and friendly. I dont think it has to do with shyness or extroversion/introversion, but just the general approach to social interactions.
ThaWholigan Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 I talk about this occasionally - I liken it to a sort of lack of, or a better word, neutral expression. It doesn't really inspire much intrigue or emotion in other person. One of my defining physical features is my odd expression. I'm tall and with a very forward and naturally aggressive stance - I can't help it, it's my natural expression, and once I started being more comfortable in myself, it started to manifest more often. I was able to add other things to my expression to make it more pleasant - my arms are open often and I smile more. I think if you have a non-aggressive posture and expression, there's nothing particularly wrong with it, but you need to cultivate another element to your expression without completely taking it to an extreme. I would say that the guy who is more comfortable in his expression will likely draw girls from specific demographics - obviously a more balanced and dynamic set of behaviors and mannerisms will draw more attraction. It can be cultivated depending on your character traits in my opinion. The other thing is dress. I have never had a great fashion sense (it's OK, sometimes I look great), but I'm around people who do dress well and attract attention because of that. Obviously there are the typical fashion tips (shoes match the belt, color matching, things that fit well etc), but I find that part of being comfortable with your natural expression is to dress in a way that reflects that person. If you're a nice, non-threatening guy with neutral expression, and you dress like a stereotypical nice, non-threatening guy and there's no expression in how you are, then it will throw up problems. If you are on top of all that stuff, you will actually do better than a good looking guy in some cases - I know people think being good looking is the holy grail, and in a lot of ways it is in terms of who you can attract, but they don't have the monopoly on everything .
Emilia Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Nice is good if it's not bland. Well mannered, nice men who do well with women tend to have a naughty twinkle in their eye and have 'charm' (that old chestnut). Aggression is a put off for many although I think women do like being pursued but aggressive men often have a chip on their shoulder over something and can be quite argumentative and contrary. Most people don't enjoy that. A man with an agreeable nature will do well if he is able to express the underlying naughty boy beneath. There is also the possibility of being quite forward without coming across angry or aggressive - but that's a conversation about confidence 1
irc333 Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Yeah, a good looking guy, who doesn't keep with fashion....can still attract women regardless. You'd be suprised how I'd seen some guy who looked like he walked away from working on a vehicle, out at the movie or mall with a hot woman in a nice dress. This is certainly an interesting topic for discussion, but I still feel that it all goes to physical attractiveness...sure, assuming a more "aggressive" stance can make up for more average attractiveness, but good looks will certainly trump a non-threatening demeanor. I honestly think that a very good looking guy who appears genuine, friendly, and non-threatening will be the most appealing to women and make the them want to pursue the guy... So if you don't have the looks to draw a woman in just at face value, then a non-aggressive stance will leave you in the proverbial "friend zone."
Recommended Posts