youngnlove89 Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 It always hurts me so much, not knowing whether he is missing me too. And it bothers me that if he is, he doesn't do a damn thing about it. It's been 3 days. I want him to fight for me, but instead he just watched me walk away. I feel really numb. But I know it will hit me soon. I think maybe the reason why I feel so numb is because this breakup has been going on since June. But we keep seeing each other and he keeps telling me he loves me, cares for me but thinks something else is out there. How mean of him to say that to me when he knows how much I love him, how much I wanted us to work. How can a person hug me so intensely, kiss me with passionate eyes, and whisper he loves me only to let me go? I need to remind myself why I am choosing to let go. It's so hard to focus on the reasons when my mind is clouded by the good things we shared. I think the reason why we hold onto memories is because it's the only thing that hasn't changed. The worst thing about a broken heart is not being able to remember how you felt before.
ponette Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 i'm right there with you. tonight i miss him so badly that i can't stand it. it's been a month with nothing, and the latest thought i'm torturing myself with is that he's doing nothing so that i don't have any false hope. crazy. i've cried a lot today. at least yours has let you know where you stand. i always believed that if they were still talking, there was hope. no hope for me.
Calico Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 When the pain gets very intense, I like to sit down and make a mental (or on paper) list of advantages of the situation. This takes quite a bit of effort and I get constantly distracted by the downsides and what I "neeeeeed", but it's still worth trying. It gets easier with practice and it does assist your attempts to move forward (if you do want to move forward -- plenty of people are not ready for that, and it's that resistance that partly the agony). There are advantages to our dire-feeling situations, such as: free to talk to new people, more time for yourself, potential for personal growth, freedom in the sense that you have no responsibilities and can do whatever you want (even if all you want to do is be with the ex, but that's one of those distractions), the pain really opens you up in a spiritual way, the grief and anxiety make you feel a LOT more alive (even if you feel like you're dying), you can totally be yourself and make friends with yourself, and so on. What we go through is neither the beginning nor the end. People have experienced it long before we were around, and they will experience it long after we've died. Look in the sky, see its vastness, how unlimited it is. It sometimes helps me to put things into perspective. An ending relationship is a bit like death, and there's always birth in death. Look for it. 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 i'm right there with you. tonight i miss him so badly that i can't stand it. it's been a month with nothing, and the latest thought i'm torturing myself with is that he's doing nothing so that i don't have any false hope. crazy. i've cried a lot today. at least yours has let you know where you stand. i always believed that if they were still talking, there was hope. no hope for me. Sure, he does let me know where he stands. But he is hardly standing...more like slouching and leaning on a wall.. "You are only 95% the one, but something is missing" When he told me that, it hurt more than anything to hear that. It makes me feel inadequate, like something is wrong with me and it's MY fault. But then for him to give me false hope and tells me he loves me so much and cares for me, misses me, hugs me, kisses me.... Where is he going with that? I thought when you break up with someone, that's it. They don't WANT to talk to you, they don't WANT to kiss you, yet alone even touch you. He said he still has feelings for me, and doesn't want me out of his life. WHY then is he making this decision to walk away from someone who loves him? I just keep thinking that maybe one day he is going to wake up and realize what he had...I say "had" because I think by that time, I will be moved on. I've been here before with 2 other guys who said I wasn't the one, only for them to come back and realize I was very much the one.
Author youngnlove89 Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 When the pain gets very intense, I like to sit down and make a mental (or on paper) list of advantages of the situation. This takes quite a bit of effort and I get constantly distracted by the downsides and what I "neeeeeed", but it's still worth trying. It gets easier with practice and it does assist your attempts to move forward (if you do want to move forward -- plenty of people are not ready for that, and it's that resistance that partly the agony). There are advantages to our dire-feeling situations, such as: free to talk to new people, more time for yourself, potential for personal growth, freedom in the sense that you have no responsibilities and can do whatever you want (even if all you want to do is be with the ex, but that's one of those distractions), the pain really opens you up in a spiritual way, the grief and anxiety make you feel a LOT more alive (even if you feel like you're dying), you can totally be yourself and make friends with yourself, and so on. What we go through is neither the beginning nor the end. People have experienced it long before we were around, and they will experience it long after we've died. Look in the sky, see its vastness, how unlimited it is. It sometimes helps me to put things into perspective. An ending relationship is a bit like death, and there's always birth in death. Look for it. That's beautiful and a good way to look at things. Thank you. I think this weekend, now since the weather has cooled down, I'm going to go on my porch with some cold ice tea and watch the sun set. I need to learn to appreciate life again and the little things. The beautiful things.
ponette Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 that's tough, and i won't, as some do, state this with certainty, but he's leaving the door open. that seems, imho, clear. are you an option? that's up to you. sorry you're hurting.
Mike_d Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 it goes both ways. poured my heart out, stated how I felt about her, what I wanted, but I can't do it by myself. she had said that she wanted to move back home 2 weeks earlier, I asked for time to sit with it since it was such an important issue. told her a week later that I was ready to talk, got crickets in return, nothing about picking the conversation backup, just "I've been really busy and distracted", shocker. asked what was going on with us over dinner the night of my birthday 2 weeks later, reminded her that I wanted to have the conversation, then sat and listened to her rattle off 15 minutes of things that only had to do with her, nothing about her tearful plea just a few weeks prior. then finished up with "well, that's probably not the answer you were looking for..." lol, ya think? At that point I knew I had my message. Awesome birthday present to know that the relationship that I'd worked so hard for, put up with so much for, for 16 years, was done. mulled it for a week and then spent the next sunday with her saying my goodbyes. we had a really nice day together and a very tearful heartfelt parting. It's been about 11 weeks and I'm worse now than day 1 these days, I have no idea how I'm going to survive this honestly. so it goes both ways. I'd do just about anything to hear her voice, hug her, hold her hand, have her smell in head and hear her say she wants to work this out. I'm really struggling...
SeattleBabe Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 I'm sorry you're hurting. I've been there. Sometimes, all of us feel miserable and hurt. We miss someone so much that as time passes by, we forget everything that really matters. We miss the ex so much, we may want to call them, be with them and we may even want to get back with them but DOES HE WANT THE SAME THING? And beyond that, what do we want really? That's where we need to put our focus on. And if you're missing him, don't let him know. Don't demean yourself. Don't feed his ego. He knows you miss him, so he doesn't need you. When you don't need him anymore, there's a good chance he'll miss you too and want you again. You miss him because you know you can't bring back the good times you had. And unfortunately for you, he'll never miss you until he loses you completely. Hang in there. Things can only get better... in time!
Author youngnlove89 Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 I feel better today. Like I know that the only reason I miss him is because he is familiar and comfortable to me. I miss the sex, the intimacy. I know he didn't give me anything else to miss. I want so much MORE in a relationship than he has to offer. I keep reminding myself of that and I'm actually doing fine. I haven't cried. I can't. But I still think of him A LOT and I know this weekend will be hard. He couldn't give me a relationship, a title. He couldn't do little things to make me happy. He showed me how I'm disposable and he will find something else. He showed me that I'm not the one. Why would I want him back?
Author youngnlove89 Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 I'm having an URGE to contact him right now. An irresistable urge! I just miss him and his presence. I just want to be able to see him and have him hold me. I know that we might not be able to work out together in the long run, but right now I don't care. Help me to not contact him!!!! Please, someone...
Drseussgrrl Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Dude. Seriously? You're all over the map here. A breakup doesn't take 3 months to drag out. It sucks I know - but you will never heal from this until you make the decision to be done with him. But, we all know that you're not serious about moving on from him. He's got you right where he wants you. Addicted to his bullsh*t.
Author youngnlove89 Posted September 14, 2012 Author Posted September 14, 2012 So we talked last night and this morning. He left his work shirt and hat at my house so he is coming to get them but wanted to see me also. He still has my apt keys so we are going to exchange things tonight or tomorrow. He told me he wants me in his life, but "not that way" He said he wants to have sex with me but doesn't think we should anymore because it's not a good idea. So we both agreed to stop that. He told me that "I'm Bipolar" because I can't make up my mind. Because one minute I want him, and the other I just want to move on. Then I told him that I can't be his friend either. He said that hurts him to hear that. But I really can't just be friends with him. I can't have what I want (him as a bf) and he can't have what he wants (me as a friend). We both want different things. I told him I want my apt keys back and that I'm chaning my number as soon as we are done exchanging things. This is hard guys. It's final. We both agreed to let go. And changing my number is the only way now. We both don't have Facebook anymore so that's not a problem.
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