How to know when to move on or get back together

[suladas]

I'll try and keep this short. A while ago me and my neighbor started dating. We have been next door neighbors for about a year, and this spring we built a fence together and that is how it really got going, but since being neighbors there was always something different like we would always take to each other a lot, and accidentally both end up outside at the same time ALL the time (after dating we both admitted we did it on purpose to talk to the other one more). She was trying to get me to notice her since last fall by flirting, but nothing came of it until this spring because I didn't know I was interested and had no idea she was flirting with me.

 

Anyways about 2 months ago she broke it off, she said a few reasons but i'm really not completely sure why. She said that after being single so long, she had forgotten how much work a relationship was and it was to much for her to handle, but right after she said i'm convinced i'm meant to be alone. I really don't know what to make of it. At the time, she had a ton going on with kids being home on summer vacation, fighting with ex husband, new job, etc so she was stressed out quite a bit. She is 35 with 4 kids, i'm 23 no kids. Anyways, a few times she expressed concern/guilt for going out with me because of the age and kids thing, even though she was crazy for me and didn't know what to do. She even once said, if you meet some cute girl without any kids, go ahead, i'd want that for you. She also felt guilty taking time away from her kids to be with me, understandable as she wrote off guys for 3 years after the divorce so she was use to always being with them and I just figured it would take time to make a balance, I spent time with her and her kids together and said I was happy to spend time with the kids too. When she broke it off she also said I didn't enjoy being around her kids, it's just i'm not that use to kids and i'm shy to begin with so it was tough. I told her multiple times that, and that I just needed time to get use to being around them, and I really did enjoy spending time with them.

 

The thing i'm having a hard time is, should I try to get back together with her, or is it best if I move on? I fell for her hard and fast and from what I gather from what she told me she did exactly the same. I mean it wasn't common for her to tell me she just couldn't stop thinking about me, and how since I had moved in next door she really wanted to be with me, and had been looking to see if girls were coming over (to see if I was with anyone) etc, etc.

 

I mean the relationship was great I know that, I always looked forward to hearing from her, spending time with her, hearing about her day, and the whole time together I was always very happy. It didn't matter what we were doing, even if it was with her kids I was always quite happy. I mean it was awkward with the kids especially at first, but I got use to it. She told me very early on, she would never have another kid and if I wanted that i'd have to find someone else.

 

She expressed that she was not just looking for a fling, and even wanted me to come to her friends wedding 3 months ahead of time even though it's a week vacation to (it's actually next week). So I am assuming that she though it was going to be somewhat long term.

 

The problem i'm having, I don't have much relationship experience and i'm having a hard time knowing if there was actually something there worth trying to get back together for, or if it's best for me to move on. I knew I cared for her a lot, but after loosing her the feelings were much stronger then I thought. It's been two months and I still think about her many times a day, but i'm back to being able to carry my life on pretty much normal.

 

I have contacted her a few times since the break, about a week after I texted her asking if she was willing to give things another try and that I honestly did make some mistakes and bascially asking if there was still anything between us. She said she would think about it, but that is the last i've heard from her. The day after she broke up with me I texted her and she ignored it, and ignored a few more of my texts after so I believe the i'll think about it was genuine and not just saying it. After a month I texted her just asking how things were and got no response though.

 

But I don't know what the lack of response means for sure, if she is moving/moved on and has no interest, is thinking about things, or what? Last week on facebook I noticed she got a new job so I sent her a quick text congratulating her on it, and never got a response.

 

I'm really starting to think she obviously has moved on, or is forcing herself to. I guess I just have a tough time believing her feeling for me went from so strong to nothing so quickly? The day we broke up, she had been fighting with her ex, I came home we started talking seemed normal, she even asked if I had plans for the next day and if I wanted to spend the day with her and the kids. But almost in a instant she was completely cold and avoiding me, and I just took the hint and went inside and that was it, I texted her later that night asking if I did something and she said "ya it's a bunch of things", we didn't speak for a few days (I texted her with no reply one day) then when I texted her asking what was going on she broke up with me.

 

We've only spoken outside twice since the break up, I can't say for sure but I think she avoids me. It might just be me, but she was always outside a lot and since the break up, pretty much not at all. All I did was say hi when I did see her and we just exchanged a quick how are you and nothing more, I didn't want to make it seem like I was forcing her to talk to me if we were outside at the same time.

 

So i'm just looking for some input, i'm really lost on what to do right now. I know very well even if I decide I really want to get back together, she might have no intention of it. But at the same time, if I was sure I should move on, then it would be nice to start doing that, instead of still hoping and wondering what she is thinking. I guess that ended up being longer then I though.

 

Also next week she is going on a trip for a week for a friends wedding, now going alone when I was suppose to go before. So I figure if she still has feelings for me, this will surely bring them up?

Edited September 13, 2012 by suladas

[suladas]

Opps just noticed there was a different section for this type of thread.