Guys, how do you know when a woman is interested in you?

[spiderowl]

Guys, how do you know when a woman is interested in you - really? What will make you think she's not? How much do you rely on eye contact, smiling, paying you lots of attention? I don't know what a guy expect from a woman - does he expect her to seek him out or vice versa? What if she's just friendly and sweet? What signs would make you seriously consider she might be interested in you?

 

I know some guys are going to say "when she gives me a blow job" or stuff like that, but I'd like some serious answers please. You know and I know that no decent woman is going to approach a guy like that.

[ThaWholigan]

Honestly, half the time I don't know. I make very educated guesses. The only way I will know 100% if a girl is interested - is if she says she's interested, or at the very least articulates as much without need for interpretation.

 

Girls will do all sorts of subtle sh*t like twiddle with their hair, perk their boobs up, smile and look at you in your eyes like you're a shiny piece of chocolate, even bite their lips and pupils dilate - then after all that, you find they aren't really interested and they were just being friendly, or flirting. Or likely they were interested, but you did or said something that f*cked it up and now you're not attractive to them anymore.

 

One other possible way to deduce interest is to gauge how much time she spends around you. If she makes time for you above things that would normally take precedence over her time with you, she's interested. Even that isn't much indicator - I've had 3 in the morning texts about a booty call or a future date and then the girl has changed her mind later. Happened more than once.

 

It can be found out, if she displays all the signs (at the same time and simultaneously as well as continuously, and she touches you a lot), but there's no surefire way to know unless she tells you.

[SmileFace]

Honestly, half the time I don't know. I make very educated guesses. The only way I will know 100% if a girl is interested - is if she says she's interested, or at the very least articulates as much without need for interpretation.

 

Girls will do all sorts of subtle sh*t like twiddle with their hair, perk their boobs up, smile and look at you in your eyes like you're a shiny piece of chocolate, even bite their lips and pupils dilate - then after all that, you find they aren't really interested and they were just being friendly, or flirting. Or likely they were interested, but you did or said something that f*cked it up and now you're not attractive to them anymore.

 

One other possible way to deduce interest is to gauge how much time she spends around you. If she makes time for you above things that would normally take precedence over her time with you, she's interested. Even that isn't much indicator - I've had 3 in the morning texts about a booty call or a future date and then the girl has changed her mind later. Happened more than once.

 

It can be found out, if she displays all the signs (at the same time and simultaneously as well as continuously, and she touches you a lot), but there's no surefire way to know unless she tells you.

 

In other words -- girls are confusing as hell.

 

(Perk their boobs....lol)

 

Plus all this talk of pupil dilation - I need to see this, lol

[spiderowl]

Honestly, half the time I don't know. I make very educated guesses. The only way I will know 100% if a girl is interested - is if she says she's interested, or at the very least articulates as much without need for interpretation.

 

Girls will do all sorts of subtle sh*t like twiddle with their hair, perk their boobs up, smile and look at you in your eyes like you're a shiny piece of chocolate, even bite their lips and pupils dilate - then after all that, you find they aren't really interested and they were just being friendly, or flirting. Or likely they were interested, but you did or said something that f*cked it up and now you're not attractive to them anymore.

 

One other possible way to deduce interest is to gauge how much time she spends around you. If she makes time for you above things that would normally take precedence over her time with you, she's interested. Even that isn't much indicator - I've had 3 in the morning texts about a booty call or a future date and then the girl has changed her mind later. Happened more than once.

 

It can be found out, if she displays all the signs (at the same time and simultaneously as well as continuously, and she touches you a lot), but there's no surefire way to know unless she tells you.

 

That's useful, thanks. I was wondering what would make a guy think a girl was interested in him as opposed to seeing her as just another friend. Guys seem to wonder whether a girl likes him or has already friendzoned him - what would make him think maybe he wasn't in the friends zone? Is it his interest in her, or is there something she'd do or say that would would make you think that she could be more?

[MrCastle]

Due to genuinely friendly girls, girls who are friendly to you out of pity, attention whores, and teases, you can't. That's where rejection comes in. The only way to know is to ask her out. Anything other than yes is a no

[ThaWholigan]

In other words -- girls are confusing as hell.

 

(Perk their boobs....lol)

 

Plus all this talk of pupil dilation - I need to see this, lol

Yes .

 

The trick, as a man, is to not let any of this deter you . So that bit at the end of the OP about the blowjob? Completely correct in my short experience .

 

 

Oh yeah, the infamous pupil dilation. I learned a trick from a book about that - usually when in a place with dim lights pupils will naturally dilate so it's not much of an indicator unless it's completely daylight . There's a way to induce it by looking into each eye and then the mouth simultaneously. It's meant to inspire some kind of seductive gaze between the individuals. A load of old cobblers I say - but then I never really had a good chance to try it .

[runner]

Guys, how do you know when a woman is interested in you - really? What will make you think she's not?

How much do you rely on eye contact, smiling, paying you lots of attention? I don't know what a guy expect from a woman - does he expect her to seek him out or vice versa? What if she's just friendly and sweet? What signs would make you seriously consider she might be interested in you?

 

i don't know that it's one single thing necessarily, although it can be. generally the obvious one i look out for is if she's constantly engaging me in conversation, in a fun flirty kind of way; makes the point to seek me out when she runs into me, and appears happy to see me. so yes, paying me lots of attention. and if i'm attractive enough, i ask her out. coffee, drinks, whatever. if she gladly accepts, then i know for sure and it's game on.

 

altho sometimes, with girls who are just typically flirty, it can be tricky to deduce true interest versus 'friendliness'. in that case i would observe how she is with others for a bit and see if she's singled me out for extra attention.

[ThaWholigan]

That's useful, thanks. I was wondering what would make a guy think a girl was interested in him as opposed to seeing her as just another friend. Guys seem to wonder whether a girl likes him or has already friendzoned him - what would make him think maybe he wasn't in the friends zone? Is it his interest in her, or is there something she'd do or say that would would make you think that she could be more?

 

It depends on the guy. Guys who haven't been friendzoned or are just naive will think any thing is some kind of interest - but around half of those guys won't do anything about that interest until they actually get friendzoned and it's too late.

 

If he has any kind of awareness, he will have a good idea. Some girls can be confusing about this and give these guys hope inadvertently by sending out some weird message that they didn't mean to send.

 

The girl would have to actively suggest something to the guy that would encourage him to make a move. She doesn't have to come out and say "I like you, lets go out", but she should at least suggest they do more stuff together, even slightly intimate stuff (not inherently sexual). You could touch the guy more. It's a two-way thing, the guy could make all the moves, but the girl has to let the guy know somehow that these moves are being reciprocated.

[runner]

In other words -- girls are confusing as hell.

 

(Perk their boobs....lol)

 

Plus all this talk of pupil dilation - I need to see this, lol

 

dunno if this is true or not either, but if the room is dark enough, how the heck am i suppose to notice ??

 

the better indicator IME is if she tends to look at my lips when we're talking no matter how shy the woman was, i've always found them to do this, even when they try to be covert about it !

[carhill]

Guys, how do you know when a woman is interested in you - really?

 

When she's holding my hand and looking into my eyes as I die. Before then, it will always be somewhat ambiguous. I saw a lot of that kind of love and devotion over the past few years and recognize the meaning of it at the end. For many years, I thought otherwise, believing in transitory 'signs', but life experience has taught great lessons about the human condition, so I'll accept that and move forward.

 

If the thread topic is about sexual 'interest', I don't even bother with that anymore. I've seen it faked so often (and have related specific examples in other threads and my journals) and for so long I don't really pay attention anymore, except perhaps as entertainment. It's valid but not 'moving' in any meaningful way. In other words, if/when a woman approaches me sexually, I don't see such apparent interest as any sort of determination that she's interested in me as a person. It's one possibility of many. One anecdote.

[spiderowl]

When she's holding my hand and looking into my eyes as I die. Before then, it will always be somewhat ambiguous. I saw a lot of that kind of love and devotion over the past few years and recognize the meaning of it at the end. For many years, I thought otherwise, believing in transitory 'signs', but life experience has taught great lessons about the human condition, so I'll accept that and move forward.

 

If the thread topic is about sexual 'interest', I don't even bother with that anymore. I've seen it faked so often (and have related specific examples in other threads and my journals) and for so long I don't really pay attention anymore, except perhaps as entertainment. It's valid but not 'moving' in any meaningful way. In other words, if/when a woman approaches me sexually, I don't see such apparent interest as any sort of determination that she's interested in me as a person. It's one possibility of many. One anecdote.

 

 

I agree wholeheartedly that sexual interest doesn't mean interest in a person. I've found that out the hard way. What I meant was, what are signs that a guy would take as meaning a woman was not just being friendly but might be interested in more, interested in him? Presumably a guy would be wary of asking a woman out if he thought she was just being friendly?

[runner]

I agree wholeheartedly that sexual interest doesn't mean interest in a person. I've found that out the hard way. What I meant was, what are signs that a guy would take as meaning a woman was not just being friendly but might be interested in more, interested in him? Presumably a guy would be wary of asking a woman out if he thought she was just being friendly?

 

for some guys perhaps. more often than not, i'll just ask her out if i liked her enough, regardless. and if she declined because she was just being friendly, not interested, has a bf, etc, then i'd hope she was at least flattered. continue the chat til we end that moment, then i'm off on my merry way. no harm, no foul.

[carhill]

Going back to the thread title, one sign I do recognize is consistency; when a woman is not a 'poofer', she begins to rise above the page. I gave more benefit of the doubt when younger and those experiences taught a lot about 'poofing'.

 

'Poofing' is overt and proactive sexual or emotional interest followed by a black hole. Hearing 'I love you' followed by a silence so pervasive I wonder 'where did she go?'. Stuff like that. I use the word 'poof' because it reminds me of the old days when magicians would make people disappear in a puff of smoke.

[GirlontheLam]

I tend towards flirty. But here are my "tells:"

1. I invite you to lots of different activities (with friends or alone) to spend more time with you

2. I am more touchy feely. There are 2 areas that are giveaways, I grab your elbow or lower arm when we are walking, or to tell you something. This "grab" will last a while. At least through a few sentences. The second area, if we are sitting somewhere, I'll leave my hand on your knee (or nearby). It might be a lite brush. Or a might even leave my had there a little bit too long. Everyone else gets a touch on the shoulder or upper arm.

[somedude81]

Honestly I have no idea.

 

All I can do is guess, then take the risk to see if she's interested or just being friendly.

 

11 times out of 10, she's just being friendly.

[Hopeful30]

i dont think its how you know

 

i think its when you know

 

a guy will know almost right away or after a few times of hanging out

 

if he doesnt know after that then probably she doesnt like him

[insertnamehere]

The horny hair pull. Dead giveaway, every time.

 

There's also a female favorite: looking, but not looking. Or it's near cousin looking and then looking away when he looks.

 

Those are the two biggies.

 

Orbiting's another one women do. They will come into the edge of your personal space and stick around a minute to see how you react. Don't overplay it, but don't be afraid to just say hi and see where that takes you. Means more with total strangers. Can be a false cue with a woman you know.

 

The forearm touch, during conversation. A decent cue, but it can only be confirmed by a more aggressive reciprocal touch (upper arm or knee will do). If she opens with a knee touch, you're in.

 

Fair warning: I've had females I didn't know buy me a drink unannounced and without me even noticing them before they did it. Hell, I once had a chick throw an elbow from behind me and three feet away in order to create an opener. So . . . YMMV.

[utterer of lies]

Guys, how do you know when a woman is interested in you - really? What will make you think she's not? How much do you rely on eye contact, smiling, paying you lots of attention? I don't know what a guy expect from a woman - does he expect her to seek him out or vice versa? What if she's just friendly and sweet? What signs would make you seriously consider she might be interested in you?

 

She focuses her attention on me.

[USMCHokie]

I never assume or speculate interest...

[GirlontheLam]

 

There's also a female favorite: looking, but not looking. Or it's near cousin looking and then looking away when he looks.

 

This is me

 

 

Orbiting's another one women do. They will come into the edge of your personal space and stick around a minute to see how you react. Don't overplay it, but don't be afraid to just say hi and see where that takes you. Means more with total strangers. Can be a false cue with a woman you know.

exactly. I'll do this if I hardly know you, but I'd like to know more.

 

 

The forearm touch, during conversation. A decent cue, but it can only be confirmed by a more aggressive reciprocal touch (upper arm or knee will do). If she opens with a knee touch, you're in.

Ding ding ding!

[maybealone]

The horny hair pull. Dead giveaway, every time.

 

There's also a female favorite: looking, but not looking.

 

I have no idea what these are.

 

I love it when a guy stares right at me, and if I like him I hold his gaze for however long he looks at me. If I don't like him, I am not going to hold his gaze at all, or at least not for more than a second.

 

Also, friendly chit-chat for me is about things like work and sports. Flirty chit-chat for me is more personal.

[phineas]

I tend towards flirty. But here are my "tells:"

1. I invite you to lots of different activities (with friends or alone) to spend more time with you

2. I am more touchy feely. There are 2 areas that are giveaways, I grab your elbow or lower arm when we are walking, or to tell you something. This "grab" will last a while. At least through a few sentences. The second area, if we are sitting somewhere, I'll leave my hand on your knee (or nearby). It might be a lite brush. Or a might even leave my had there a little bit too long. Everyone else gets a touch on the shoulder or upper arm.

 

This sounds about right for group things & women i'm out with alone whom I considered just friends because they never showed interest before. (you women are fickle) LOL!

 

Except, if i'm invited one-on-one by a woman to do something, these days i'll just ask if it's a date because I've been led on by the above activity before & if it's a date I will make a move.

 

If it isn't a date, I will make a move. On other women. Because, we are not on a date.

 

Otherwise I basically disregard flirting to mean anything because many women I know will flirt hard for a little bit then disappear. Then weeks later repeat.

Those women are annoying.

Edited September 13, 2012 by phineas

[GirlontheLam]

This sounds about right for group things & women i'm out with alone whom I considered just friends because they never showed interest before. (you women are fickle) LOL!

 

Except, if i'm invited one-on-one by a woman to do something, these days i'll just ask if it's a date because I've been led on by the above activity before & if it's a date I will make a move.

 

If it isn't a date, I will make a move. On other women. Because, we are not on a date.

 

Otherwise I basically disregard flirting to mean anything because many women I know will flirt hard for a little bit then disappear. Then weeks later repeat.

Those women are annoying.

 

I realized some of it is subconscious. I then realized I need to be a lot more clear. I was MORE flirty when I was younger, and this would happen to anyone I thought was attractive, whether or not I was currently "interested" in them. Now I just stop myself if I am not interested in anything more. And limit all of those incidental touches to the top of the arm or shoulder. And keep them short.

 

If I like you, then the touches are longer and more frequent. Like every few minutes. Proximity is very important too. Moving in closer, gives the guys more opportunity to make some incidental physical contact.

[Mycteria]

I think the main thing to look for is not a particular set of signs, but a change of behavior when around you.

 

I know I am a naturally flirty person. I'm not trying to tease, but I cannot help but to engage in flirty banter, especially if it's intelligent banter. Call me a tease, whatever. Can't help it.

 

The key is to pay attention to how she is around other guys and then compare it to how she is around you. For instance, I will verbally flirt with anyone. But I will almost never touch a man I'm not interested in. I'll also be a little more reserved (at first) around someone I genuinely like. So it's not about the behavior in and of itself, but the change in behavior that's important.

[spiderowl]

Thanks for all your helpful responses. I'm getting the impression that most guys don't have a clue when a woman is interested in them, unless she's very blatant about it.