dinosaur Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 I spent all of my summer basically upset over my break up in May (we were together for 3 years). I was devastated, I made mistakes of seeing him again, etc. But he's invited me over twice now and I literally just don't feel like going. I don't feel like touching him or kissing him or really even want to hear his voice. Things that helped me: 1. Talking out with him why we weren't meant for each other - making it reasonable. I think this was honestly the first step. The truth is, he's a douchebag and I'm a nice girl; he's fairly anti-social and I'm a total social butterfly. He just has no concept of real friends/relationships and thinks the entire world will magically revolve around him. 2. Realizing he's probably not going to find anyone new soon. Being as anti-social as he is doesn't help with the fact that he chases off every girl he finds with his behavior. 3. Going on my first date. True, we were not a match at all, but it was fun and now we're friends. 4. Going to Las Vegas and sleeping with a guy who is now obsessing over me. I tried to be like "no... this is going to be a one night stand" but instead he added me on FB. It's a little odd but I can see that he actually genuinely likes me... which feels odd. Can't remember the last time a guy was nice to me. Also hooking up with (though not sleeping with) a different guy who took my friends out for fun (we did the craziest things and it was amazing). 5. Having fun with my friends - I totally missed this given how anti-social my ex was! Try not to hang out with the same people a lot; I noticed if I spent more than 1 week around a person I started feeling like I needed him to fulfill me, but once I was hanging out with lots of people and trying new things I realized I'm fine so long as I feel like my life can be an adventure. Don't get me wrong, my friends are super important and I make sure to keep the special ones a priority, but I do need to do something out of routine. 6. Making a list of all the things I don't like about him... at one point I had to stop because this list got way over 100. 7. Having him be mean to me the last time I saw him was the last straw. So many guys were throwing themselves at me (both in Vegas and in "real life" lol) and it seemed dumb that I was wasting my time on someone who didn't want me. True, I don't have any interest in these guys, but sometime I will find one who has interest in me that I like back. It was also eye-opening to see how many better guys out there there are than him! 8. Feeling like I did everything I could to save my relationship. I think part of what upset me was that I always felt like I could do something different or more. I really got to tire out these options and getting them all out I think actually helped even though I was totally screwing up seeing him. I can genuinely say I tried everything and nothing will ever fix it. I would have moved mountains for him. Nada. Time to move on. Normally I fall into his traps of "please come back I'm going to change", but knowing that he's not going to change makes a huge difference. It's funny because I think he's still not really "over it" (I'm sure he will be eventually) but I went from being depressed and trying to fix everything to make him come back... to suddenly being the one who simply doesn't care. Hope it lasts!
Freshstart637 Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 My best cure was/are: 1. Family support - Especially my Aunt, Uncle, and Goddaughter (according to her, I'm not allowed to have another gf for 3 more years. -cute) 2. Self Help Books on Kindle, nice that I didn't have to drive to a bookstore with swollen eyes and a duct taped heart. Getting past your Breakup, How to heal a broken heart in 30 days, Extreme Breakup Recovery and It's called a breakup because its broken. 3. Prayers to help me move along 4. Listening to Maroon 5, jack's Mannequin, and Kelly Clarkson, I should've gone Tupac or Jay-Z 5. Gym 6. Friends What does not help is, we own a damn house together, she lives with her mom now, well at least I think she does. Who cares, I'm over this. I am a guy and during the first 2 weeks, she took my balls/spine with her. I think I am growing new ones
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