2sure Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Hey. This is tough stuff, even when it is a very good step in moving onto better times. Youre a good man. You did your best. You have been sincere. You are, I can tell, a remarkable father. The kind of father that can make a huge difference in childrens lives whether they are with you all the time or not. The kind of dad who will set an example that will serve them well ...you take the high road , not the easy road. So, regardless of todays outcome...youve got the important stuff already. I really wish you the best. 8
Furious Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 BH I have no doubt that you will be firm and resolute in fighting for what is right, especially for your children. You are an extremely intelligent and compassionate man, and my thoughts and well wishes are with you on this difficult day. ((((((hugs)))))) 2
Spark1111 Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Goodluckgoodluckgoodluckgoodluckgoodluck. Fingers crossed for a good and equitable outcome, BH. 1
Author BetrayedH Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 Wow. The support is much appreciated. Just what I needed so, thank you. No time to respond to everything, just on a quick break. The attorneys are talking now trying to resolve how much custody and alimony are dealbreakers. I am being firm but reasonable. We'll see if she does the same. The tough part is how much it is worth it to go to court. Could cost a lot (more than I might get) or I could end up with considerably more than I spent. This particular judge is a hard-ass to everyone - quick, decisive and hard-headed from all reports. Kinda decides who he likes and goes with his gut. That works in my favor. Hmm. I'll see how round 1 went between the attorneys in a few. 3
GLDheart Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 In the end what will be, will be. A little prayer for you: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference." It's one of my favorite's ;-) 2
Ninja'sHusband Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Hey man, I've been wondering how things were going Keep the fight up. It's what's right for your kids and you. You are an amazing guy and deserve your fair share. I hope it turns out well! Might go over into mutlipe sessions though if you have that much to go over.
drifter777 Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Try to get this done with today. Make sure your lawyer knows exactly what your priorities are - what you are willing to give up to make the deal. Think long term. Avoid going to court since it's going to cost a ton and the judge may end up giving you less than what's on the table now. Remember that your judgement is somewhat impaired by all that's happened and that completing the divorce and getting on with life is your first goal.
ghgh750 Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Wow! Did she really write about her encounters with the OM on a hotwife site? Is that for real? She has no remorse. Any links to the hotwife blog? or is that no allowed? thanks.
Artie Lang Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Any links to the hotwife blog? or is that no allowed? thanks. dude... all i gotta say- "TAKE NO PRISONERS."
Author BetrayedH Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 Signed a marital settlement agreement today. Took about 8 hours and we didn't get to 50/50 custody until about 5 hours in. Some parts got interesting as her attorney threatened to attack me in court on my moral character (a bluff which I called). Feel pretty good about it. Became clear that alimony would have taken a court battle (plus another $7500 or so just for a chance at it for a few years) so I agreed to 50/50 on kids and assets/liabilities with a couple hundred bucks a month coming my way for child supoort because of the disparity in income. Little painful for me not getting everything to which I could have been entitled but painful for her, too (as I suppose any good negotiation will go). I do want to say how grateful I am for the support I have received here over the last 18 months. What a ride. Second life begins today. 11
drifter777 Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 It's hard to express how happy I am for you. I hope finalizing the whole, painful ride gives you the closure you need. You are ready to move forward and ready to heal. 1
Balzac Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Thanks for the nice update! Keeping it positive for tonight. I hope your attorney did a fine job for you. When you feel up to it: what was your most difficult give back. Celebrate huge. This saved you time, $ and anguish. 1
Steen719 Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 It's hard to express how happy I am for you. I hope finalizing the whole, painful ride gives you the closure you need. You are ready to move forward and ready to heal. Me too, BH! You did not get everything you wanted, but you did very well. Not only will it be better for you economically than she wanted, your kids will benefit from you having them at least 50%. This is a hard part (as all of it is) and it is difficult not to reflect on our marriages and what went wrong. I did that and I had some mighty difficult nights and days for a while, but it took the closing of that door to start getting over it. You are on your way to a different life, but some of it is good and now, almost a year post divorce, I am starting to feel some freedom in my heart. I am slow to heal, take things hard, am really loyal and can't even begin to think of another man even now - well, maybe I can just think of it -LOL-, and you are most likely already at least where I am, but it does get better in ways I did not expect. That is what I was I was trying to say. Oh hell, I am going back to grading papers before I cry... Best to you. 1
Author BetrayedH Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 It's hard to express how happy I am for you. I hope finalizing the whole, painful ride gives you the closure you need. You are ready to move forward and ready to heal. Thanks Drifter. You've got somebody in your corner, too. Whether you continue to stay or decide to take the plunge, I hope you move forward and heal as well. You deserve it, brother. 1
Author BetrayedH Posted September 14, 2012 Author Posted September 14, 2012 Thanks for the nice update! Keeping it positive for tonight. I hope your attorney did a fine job for you. When you feel up to it: what was your most difficult give back. Celebrate huge. This saved you time, $ and anguish. Most difficult give back was definitely alimony. It could have been $450/month for half the length of the marriage (which was 12 years). That's a good amount of money. But 2-4 years would have been more likely than 6. And child support would have been reduced substantially since I would then have a higher income and she would have a lower income. And it would have cost $7500 (which would have taken about 16 months of alimony to make back). And then everything would have been up to a judge (who was a wild card). And it takes time. No doubt the hardest decision to make. The other atty was also quite adept at manipulating financial numbers to their advantage (or making arguments why certain assets or liabilities shouldn't count). I crunched the numbers 4 different ways and kept feeling screwed by $5k. I finally just said I didn't care about any more number crunching and that it was going to take another $5k to get me to sign. They came back with $3k and I accepted. I guarantee my wife won't be happy writing that check or the child support every month.
96nole Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Good job! Go pour yourself a cold one if you haven't already. You know that you can look back and know you tried everything to make it work. Not much of a consolation prize considering what you're going through. Someone will have to appear before the judge for final approval. Either one or both of you can go. I went to mine. The ex didn't (thank God). Then it's officially over and life part 2 truly starts. 1
Balzac Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Nice detail and better yet your mindset. Totally understand it was alimony but I'd have given it back as well. You walked away in fine shape. Her paying child support is always open to revision as you are well aware. I'm sure your comment is accurate-she'll resent every payment. She could have exchanged greater liability for debt. My guess is be prepared for a modification of CS soon. It's usually a better outcome going against a capable opposing attorney. Good thing you're a number cruncher too! I'd say you walked away a winner.
Author BetrayedH Posted September 14, 2012 Author Posted September 14, 2012 Me too, BH! You did not get everything you wanted, but you did very well. Not only will it be better for you economically than she wanted, your kids will benefit from you having them at least 50%. This is a hard part (as all of it is) and it is difficult not to reflect on our marriages and what went wrong. I did that and I had some mighty difficult nights and days for a while, but it took the closing of that door to start getting over it. You are on your way to a different life, but some of it is good and now, almost a year post divorce, I am starting to feel some freedom in my heart. I am slow to heal, take things hard, am really loyal and can't even begin to think of another man even now - well, maybe I can just think of it -LOL-, and you are most likely already at least where I am, but it does get better in ways I did not expect. That is what I was I was trying to say. Oh hell, I am going back to grading papers before I cry... Best to you. You know, I expected to feel some level of grief over signing the papers (loss of a 19 year relationship, broken family, etc). Didn't happen. Maybe it will happen later. Funny but I don't think so. I have been through so much grief already that anything now really just pales in comparison. I'm wondering if the act of signing the papers wasn't just the final act of acceptance. Steen, as for you, I'm sorry to be crude but I think you need to get laid and it might change your whole perspective. I think you could use a little pep in your step. Spark quoted some stat the other day that said women get 5 opportunities a day to engage with a man. If that's true, you need to go for a very slow, very long walk in a busy downtown area.
whichwayisup Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 I'm glad custody is 50-50, as it should be. You came out a winner. Take care of yourself and your children. All the best buddy and keep posting! 1
GLDheart Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 I'm glad custody is 50-50, as it should be. You came out a winner. Agreed. 1
Steen719 Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 You know, I expected to feel some level of grief over signing the papers (loss of a 19 year relationship, broken family, etc). Didn't happen. Maybe it will happen later. Funny but I don't think so. I have been through so much grief already that anything now really just pales in comparison. I'm wondering if the act of signing the papers wasn't just the final act of acceptance. Steen, as for you, I'm sorry to be crude but I think you need to get laid and it might change your whole perspective. I think you could use a little pep in your step. Spark quoted some stat the other day that said women get 5 opportunities a day to engage with a man. If that's true, you need to go for a very slow, very long walk in a busy downtown area. BH, you should get ready for all of those women around you to be crawling all over you because you are a bad, bad boy! :D:D I am sort of old fashioned and so I take a while. It will happen when it does and thankfully, I am not worried about it. I am so glad you are doing well.
NotCamelot Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 I am so happy for your outcome. A judge is always an iffy thing. And I really DON"T want to sound sexist.....but....it seems to always be slanted toward the woman regardless of the contentions. Good for you on the child support. I may be wrong to feel this way, but I would be very happy at the thought of her pain over writing the check....kind of like a (very small ) payback for what she did.
Author BetrayedH Posted September 14, 2012 Author Posted September 14, 2012 BH, you should get ready for all of those women around you to be crawling all over you because you are a bad, bad boy! :D:D I am sort of old fashioned and so I take a while. It will happen when it does and thankfully, I am not worried about it. I am so glad you are doing well. Sadly, I think that if I want all those women to fawn over me, I need to put my wedding ring back on. As for you being old fashioned, good for you. I shouldn't be so crude. Take good care of yourself, Steen. You've done quite well and should be quite proud of yourself. Whatever man eventually gets your attention will be very fortunate.
Cb3657 Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Happy for you I gotta say for a guy with such a painfull story you seem to be very well grounded, I tend to read your posts cause they seem well thought out ( even if I don't always agree) best wishes on your new life.
Furious Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Signed a marital settlement agreement today. Took about 8 hours and we didn't get to 50/50 custody until about 5 hours in. Some parts got interesting as her attorney threatened to attack me in court on my moral character (a bluff which I called). Feel pretty good about it. Became clear that alimony would have taken a court battle (plus another $7500 or so just for a chance at it for a few years) so I agreed to 50/50 on kids and assets/liabilities with a couple hundred bucks a month coming my way for child supoort because of the disparity in income. Little painful for me not getting everything to which I could have been entitled but painful for her, too (as I suppose any good negotiation will go). I do want to say how grateful I am for the support I have received here over the last 18 months. What a ride. Second life begins today. Brilliant BH, I had no doubt that you would guarantee your right to continue being the dad and role model in your children's lives. Not only did you win so have your beautiful children. Cheers my friend, to you and your future.
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