nowwhatnow Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 I am 21 and at college. I find it very difficult to talk to guys - especially when I am not at a party. There is this guy who i have met before and I really liked him. I really wanna get to know him better but I rarely ever see him around. What is the best way to get into contact with him? Everything I can think of just seems weird - I don't want him to get creeped out. Thanks LS
yoman38 Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 lol you know one time there was someone I really liked so I facebook messaged them and they never got back to me and I was very sad. Now I laugh about it. What I'm trying to get at is if you just say a casual hi and talk to him, or send him a message doing the same things, or throw him a paper airplane with the message on it, it really doesn't matter what you do well within reason lol. If they guy likes you or is interested in any way he will respond, if not then ohhh well. In fact, honestly the best approach is to be yourself. There will be people who will say do this and that and act this way and wear these clothes. That's all rubbish to me and trying to hard. Good Luck 1
Author nowwhatnow Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 send him a message doing the same things, or throw him a paper airplane with the message on it the funny thing is i actually though of doing that since he lives across from me. but then since i don't know him very well, i thought he might really creeped out by that. but then i thought a message was too forward. ah, see my problem? i am too nervous! since i have only met him one, i really would be taking a risk by initiating something...
yoman38 Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 I feel you but you really got to step back and ask yourself? What exactly are you risking? A.) Contacting him Risk: You contact him and he isn't interested you feel hurt for a few days or possibly weeks depending on your personality. and believe me as you get older rejection will become so unimportant if you realize your own self worth and become confident. Or omg he may think you're weird lol who cares, we're all weird! Gain: You contact him and he likes you and you guys go out and have fun and things may possibly go on from there. B.) You do nothing and wait Benefit: you don't have to possibly deal with rejection. And someday down the road he may contact you. Risk: He may not contact you, and just go out with another girl. Move to another state, get married who knows. so you tell me which do you prefer
yoman38 Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 I think the biggest risk in life btw is never taking risks.
runner Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 do you have common friends ? have a girl friend who knows the both of you well to set up some sort of hangout with just the three of you. later this third person could kind of nudge him to ask you out (granted he is interested). if said third person doesn't exist, you're just gonna have to chat him up. little bit of chat is harmless, so don't stress it so much.
Author nowwhatnow Posted September 14, 2012 Author Posted September 14, 2012 i know you both are right. i guess i am just nervous because he lives across from me so if he does reject me i may have to see him a lot... also, i dont really see him around so would it be super weird to knock on his door and just say hi, wanna hang out?
yoman38 Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 lol no just get some courage if you were a guy I'd say grow some apples, but you're not. Listen, you could just go over and say something like hi since we're neighbors I just wanted to introduce myself, my name is blah blah, and then be like so do you like (insert random interest here)?. Just see what happens who cares if he lives across from you then you'll have to learn how to not care what he thinks if he possibly "rejects" you (a highly overrated word) which is a valueble lesson in life.
CC12 Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 the funny thing is i actually though of doing that since he lives across from me. but then since i don't know him very well, i thought he might really creeped out by that. but then i thought a message was too forward. ah, see my problem? i am too nervous! since i have only met him one, i really would be taking a risk by initiating something... What risk? There is no risk, except for maybe a bruised ego, and that's not so bad, is it? It builds character. Since you've already met him, I don't think it would be creepy to friend him on Facebook. Try to chat him up a little bit. "Hey neighbor! I met you once at so-and-so's party. Not sure if you remember me, we talked a little bit about how ugly Sonja's dress was [or whatever.] Anyway, I saw you in the neighborhood yesterday and I just thought I'd say hello." Then he'll say, "Oh sure, I remember you. How are you?" If you get a comfortable conversation going then you can say, "Hey, there's a cool event happening downtown this weekend. Do you want to come with me?" You're 21 and in college. Go for it. Hone your social skills and make some memories.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 the funny thing is i actually though of doing that since he lives across from me. but then since i don't know him very well, i thought he might really creeped out by that. but then i thought a message was too forward. ah, see my problem? i am too nervous! since i have only met him one, i really would be taking a risk by initiating something... You can work on your "nervousness" aside from the issue of getting to know this guy. I was very prone to blushing when I was younger and often didn't take risks because I knew I would get flushed if it didn't go well. So if you have this kind of "nervousness" it pays to try to figure out how to overcome it so that you appear comfortable with yourself with him or anyone you meet. What I discovered is that I spent way too much energy thinking about how I would be perceived WITHOUT REALIZING that everyone else also has concern about how they'll be perceived. Some seem to not show it at all and maybe they have some kind of chemistry where they don't have these spills of "fight or flight" nervousness in their guts but it's natural for people to all think more about themselves than other people. Once you unravel that and believe it in your heart, you'll start acting more confidently. Tell yourself that the person you are encountering is thinking about how they'll be perceived by you rather than they are thinking about nothing but how you perform. If and when you see this chap around, don't thin--ACT! The more you think, the more you'll obsess and the less likely you will be to make any connection. Good luck.
Author nowwhatnow Posted September 15, 2012 Author Posted September 15, 2012 you are all so right. i am mentally preparing myself for just marching in his building and asking if he wants to hang out. you have given me so much support!! thank you for all your help. i will let you know how it goes! any last minute advice, is of course, always welcome!
Ladydrib Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 you are all so right. i am mentally preparing myself for just marching in his building and asking if he wants to hang out. you have given me so much support!! thank you for all your help. i will let you know how it goes! any last minute advice, is of course, always welcome! Just smile, say hi, and let him ask you out. It may not happen the first time. Anytime you see him, be friendly and smile and have a little small talk. If he likes you, he will do the work. And if you ask me, that's the way it should be. Men tend to like to earn things, take risks, and do work. When something comes too easily, they tend to take it for granted. Being shy is a good thing. As long as you're not so shy that you won't at least say hi or make eye contact. That's all you need to do :-)
Author nowwhatnow Posted September 15, 2012 Author Posted September 15, 2012 every time i try and go up to his building, i just keep chickening out!!
Author nowwhatnow Posted September 15, 2012 Author Posted September 15, 2012 i did it!...but no one was home i think i might just send him a fb message instead. thoughts?
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