huntingirl2010 Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I love my fiance more than anything in the world. I would like some advice on how to trust him. He has never given me doubt on trusting him. It has been past relationships that have ruined it. I have been cheated on really bad with family and friends even. And now just anything imaginable runs in my head when were not together all the time. We have lived together for over a year and a half now, and he doesnt hang out with or text girls anymore. He is trying to gain my trust. Everyone tells me it just happens or if I cant trust him i shouldnt be with him. I just want advice on learning how to trust someone all over again... please help me in any way possible... 1
InJest Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 How do your trust issues manifest themselves? Do you start arguments with him? Accuse him of cheating? Is it all just in your head, or do you take it out on him?
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 You have to realize your insecurities and issues are within yourself not him...so how do expect him to gain trust when you have no trust to give? This is how it works when you don't get over those issues and you just end up in another relationship, you're going to have them each and every time. The worst part is you'll be more comfortable watching the other foot drop so at least you know you're not crazy and didn't panic for nothing, it'll give you that validation you need. You need to just work on the root of your emotions and ask yourself why you feel this way on a deeper level and resolve those emotions within yourself. Write everything out on paper so you can see your own words, just express yourself emotionally with words that you can see and then see the pattern..then you must communicate with him and he has to be willing to try and understand and work on this with you...this shouldn't have been his burden to bear or battle to fight, but he may be willing to...It's just a lot of pressure and understanding for someone who didn't even have a reason for you to feel this way through his own actions, you're punishing him for someone else's problems and issues and now since you went into the next relationship still harboring them of course they will follow you wherever you go until you turn around and face them, trying to understand, seeking professional help or talking with different family and friends until someone understands you and can help you..but honestly our issues take the most work from ourselves, that's why they're hard to get over...because nobody wants to do that, they just want someone else to fix them or make them better.
Author huntingirl2010 Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 How do your trust issues manifest themselves? Do you start arguments with him? Accuse him of cheating? Is it all just in your head, or do you take it out on him? It is in my head. I have asked him over and over again in ways that are not like bluntly accusing him. Like I will casually ask if i am the only girl and stuff. and that country song "im gonna love you forever and ever, forever and ever amen." well it came on the radio the other night when we were lying in bed and he sang it to me and so i asked are you gonna love only me forever and ever? that kinda stuff. and the only thing is i am worried i will get hurt as bad as i did last time. I want more than anything to trust him. and somedays i wake up and say i trust him. and when i go to work i just worry that since i am not there to give him the attention that he is getting attention from someone else.. I dont believe he is, its just a gut feeling that replays over and over cuz of my ex. and no its not fair to him, but i just keep it to myself and it builds up and gets worse..
todreaminblue Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 I love my fiance more than anything in the world. I would like some advice on how to trust him. He has never given me doubt on trusting him. It has been past relationships that have ruined it. I have been cheated on really bad with family and friends even. And now just anything imaginable runs in my head when were not together all the time. We have lived together for over a year and a half now, and he doesnt hang out with or text girls anymore. He is trying to gain my trust. Everyone tells me it just happens or if I cant trust him i shouldnt be with him. I just want advice on learning how to trust someone all over again... please help me in any way possible... I have been cheated on been treated badly and can be down on men.....the bad ones......the thing is i know there are good men and men can be trusted like i can be trusted and i have a past myself.....i go into a new relationship with this in mind.......if he has given you absolutely no reason to not trust him....trust him......if he is away from you think would i do it to him if the answer is no......he can trust me....trust him .....go for a walk listen to your songs that mean something to you about him ..... buy something cute or sexy(doesnt mean expensive something different) op shop it..... and next time he comes home whisper something in his ear remind him what you have been thinking of while he was away.....;0).......im sure if he is a good guy, he will make sure he is always on that first bus home.....waiting for some hot surprise behind whose door.....yours....good luck......give it a go.....i don't mean sex by the way .no jumping him and knocking him flat(although lol kidding) when he opens the door.........but more the whispered promises of something unexpected....something he likes.....which is probably just you anyway....add a bit of cinnamon to that sugar........tastes great with hot toast.....mmmm cinnamon toast....loads of butter....groan.....cinnamon and sugar doesn't stay on without butter im on a diet and now i feel like cinnamon toast with vanillan sugar.....ahem.....nah gone now......deb 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 I love my fiance more than anything in the world. I would like some advice on how to trust him. He has never given me doubt on trusting him. It has been past relationships that have ruined it. I have been cheated on really bad with family and friends even. And now just anything imaginable runs in my head when were not together all the time. We have lived together for over a year and a half now, and he doesnt hang out with or text girls anymore. He is trying to gain my trust. Everyone tells me it just happens or if I cant trust him i shouldnt be with him. I just want advice on learning how to trust someone all over again... please help me in any way possible... Did he ever hang out or text with girls while you two where dating?
Author huntingirl2010 Posted September 15, 2012 Author Posted September 15, 2012 [quote=todreaminblue..if he is away from you think would i do it to him if the answer is no......he can trust me....trust him .....go for a walk listen to your songs that mean something to you about him ..... I absolutely love this idea! I think that question everytime. And I really sat down and thought about it, and I feel that after I looked at it this way, I feel I am beginning to trust him a little more and more. Thank you so very much
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