Should I ask my university advisor / tutor out?

[janinenm]

I am ridiculously attracted to my Political Studies tutor. Just to clarify - at my university in New Zealand the lecturer handles lectures, and we also attend classes once a week to be advised by a postgrad student. The postgraduate student i.e. tutor is responsible for marking all assignments. He is studying a PHD and mid 20s, and I'm 21.

 

I know I'm probably reading too much into the things he does - he IS paid to be nice and friendly and helpful. I don't have much to go on to figure out if he's attracted to me but here goes....Recently he emailed me to check if I'd handed in my full answer to a class test worth 20% of my grade because he realized while marking it that I'd only completed half of the questions. I told him I was dumb and didn't read the questions properly til the end of the test, ran out of time and couldn't finish them all. He said that the answers I did give were good and it was a shame that I didn't finish the test. I log on to the uni website to check my grades and he passed me anyway, despite me completing only two of the four essay questions. That means I would have had to write two perfect answers, which I am quite certain I didn't.

 

Flash to two weeks post-test and I go to see him during office hours. He gets up from his desk to meet me in the middle of the room, stands quite close and the first thing he does is ask if I noticed he gave me a pass mark for the test, as if he wanted my appreciation?? He also let me hand in my next assignment a day late (during his office hours) and when he looked at my essay and realized the formatting was wrong, he told me I could edit it and hand it in the next day (it was already a day late).

 

Also, he knew my name by the second class and it didn't seem like he addressed anyone else in the class by theirs. There are 80-100 people in my course that he's tutoring so I am surprised that he remembered.

 

I have never ever ever ever asked a guy out, let alone a guy that I'm not even sure is interested in me. Is it completely inappropriate given the tutor/student situation? Should I wait until the last week of semester then ask him to a coffee? Am I completely reading too much into him being friendly, making lots of eye contact, and being thoughtful?

Edited September 12, 2012 by janinenm
spelling

[janinenm]

Forgot to mention - I am not just attracted to him because he is physically attractive. At first when I met him I thought he was kind of scruffy looking and not to my usual taste in men albeit overall still good looking. But as I got to know him, he's very witty and extremely intelligent and passionate, and that's how I'm at this hopeless stage where I can barely concentrate in classes with him.

[Mrlonelyone]

If you do and they say yes it could harm their career. Perhaps not officially but there are allot of unoffical ways to ruin a academic career.

[janinenm]

I understand the risk of it affecting his reputation at the university. However, there's nothing against postgraduate and undergraduate students dating - if I waited until he was no longer my course adviser once I finish this paper in four weeks, is it more acceptable to ask him out then?

[darkmoon]

if you really like him, catch him now, wait and he might not be single later on

 

one one level this - if you think you have to offer him a date/affair because he's being nice to you, postpone any offers til you are confortable phoning him at home you two are not that close yet - cyou don't want to sitting in class wondering if he still likes you after some secret one/two/three night stands

 

on another level this - in some countries, teachers are not allowed to go out with students

[janinenm]

The thing is I'm not even certain that he's actually single :S I haven't asked because I think it'd appear really forward of me. I don't have a chance to speak to him alone unless it's his office hours. I do have his email address but emailing to ask someone out seems kinda lame.

[Ninjainpajamas]

He's making your schooling easier, why screw it up!

 

If he's doing this, he's probably done it before so don't be quite so naive...he'll likely ask you out or end up in a situation with you where it's obvious he's testing the waters.