maybealone Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 It's a typical story. Boy meets girl. Boy originally seems to want to hang out as friends, but then boy seems to pursue girl. He calls her or texts her every day, remembers what she had planned for the day and asks specific questions. She also initiates contact and asks questions and he always replies. They hang out together a few times, get along great, and have a lot in common. Both are attractive, although she might be a couple of years younger than he'd like and she's more active and fit than he is, but that doesn't matter to her. She is a little less flirty with him than she usually is with guys she likes. He claims to be a little shy, but she doesn't think he acts shy around her. However, he never gets more physical than goodbye hugs and he never actually asks her out (other than the we-should-go-there-sometime types of suggestions). Then, after a few weeks of this behavior, poof! He's gone. And although he wasn't seeing anyone before, he now seems to be actively putting himself out there. What is the more likely explanation? (A) He enjoyed the attention he got from her until he got a vibe that she was interested in him for more than just friendship. He didn't want to lead her on, so he decided to reduce contact or stop talking to her. (B) He didn't see any signs of interest from her, at least not that were obvious enough for him, so he made a conscious decision to stop hanging out with her and go look for someone that was interested in him. When a guy backs off, I always assume (A). Always. But now that I am older, I am wondering if that's the dating experiences of my insecure 20s clouding my judgment. I'm normally a very straightforward person and I would hate to miss out on getting to know a guy simply because I didn't come out and tell him that I liked him, but on the other hand, I don't want someone dating me because he figured, "Oh, what the hell, this one likes me so I might as well kill some time with her." So (A) or (B)? And if you have an idea for a © option, please share! Even if © should be, "Doesn't really matter, either way it's a bullet dodged."
TaraMaiden Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Please do not think this flippant or insulting but - are we sure the gent is entirely hetero...? I don;t say that in an anti way - I have gay relatives, and I'm completely pro-freedom in sexual persuasion/expression... but it just struck me as odd behaviour too. That's my 'C' option, and I'm being quite serious....
Author maybealone Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 Please do not think this flippant or insulting but - are we sure the gent is entirely hetero...? I think the only person one can be sure of is himself or herself. So as far as I know, he is straight, but there is no way to be sure. I've had guys back off before though, and I don't think they were all gay. I just assumed they lost interest, even though we never actually dated. But I wondered if maybe I should just be more forthcoming. Now I am wondering if maybe I just get crushes on the wrong guys.
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