sendme Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Hi! so I've been all over the forum, with an on-again-off-again toxic relationship, and we are off again... but this time feels different, I feel relieved, and hopeful... not like I hope I find someone new, just hopeful in general. I've been NC for less than 24 hours, but I'm not sad or shaken, pretty much just fine... all the stuff that used to bother me, like was he thinking of me or was he with someone else, or was he trash talking me... I just don't care... I'm sort of indifferent... I'm wondering though.... how long will this last... is this a phase that I'll pass in and out of? Will I wake up one day soon and be sad or something? For now though... I'm going to finish exam week! and then it's off to Vegas with 60 or so of my closest class mates
RogerWallace111 Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 no answer to that beyond "time will tell" I'm in a somewhat similar boat. Multiple breakups, this time it feels like it's for the best, and I'm feeling mostly indifferent. But it's been about a week for me, and the first day was really rough... But since then, aside from feeling a little lonely, and having occasional wistful thoughts of her, I'm surprising myself. Feeling indifferent 95% of the time... And feelin pretty hopeful/great a lot too. Like you, I wonder if I'll enter some sad phase... Don't think so though. Just kick ass on your exams, go to vegas, have a great ****ing time. You'll likely have some sad thoughts from time to time but I don't imagine you'll all of a sudden feel crushed
Author sendme Posted September 14, 2012 Author Posted September 14, 2012 he came over last night, and was crying and sad and halfway trying to coax me into the sob story discussions that always end in us back together again... I didn't engage with him, we didn't scream or yell... he sort of forced a few kisses on me, and that was really it.... Then this morning he sends me a picture of him dressed up for work and says "Ill miss you" today I'm a little less indifferent than I was yesterday, I'm a little more wistful... but still trying to hold to my end of nc.... does it still count as nc if he came over last night.... either way this is different, neither of us are caving, I think we're both accepting this is really over...
Calico Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 The first two days are easy compared to the third day, for me. Lots of dreams, evenings and mornings are living hell. It will probably stay bad for a while. But the first day felt like relief. Didn't stay that way, sadly. Hopefully it'll stay that way for you!
KatZee Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 I wouldn't say you're indifferent at all. I'd say you're in the "shock" or "numb" stage. Big difference between that and indifference. You'll definitely feel the sadness, the anger, the depression, and all of those things, but only time will tell when. Most likely when you two both stop speaking and go into full NC to move on.
Author sendme Posted September 15, 2012 Author Posted September 15, 2012 so... really, today is the full 24+ hours no contact... I've thought of him today, went a few places we had been together, and couldn't help but miss him... he's working tonight, so no chance I could contact him, plus I got a new phone number... because he took my phone -- we had phones together and he kept threatening to take it back so i finally just gave it back to be done with it... anyway, really trying to make sure he doesn't get that new number.... almost replied to his email from yesterday with a picture of myself saying I'll miss you, but the picture wouldn't attach... and now I'm here.... 24+ hours no contact, and tomorrow I'll be in vegas... so here's to starting new (while secretly hoping that he shows up on my door with some grand gesture of I'll always love you and I'm so sorry, then I remember he did the grand gesture a few weeks ago -hello $1500 ring - while he was still sending and receiving naked pictures from another girl... so half hoping for a grand gesture and half hoping he just disappears)
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